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Original poster

Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

509 replies

MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 09:22

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/05/2014 02:44

I was just wondering, because it's pretty unusual to move to someone else's home town and pay for the entire property, and it sounds like he must have had some resources, if his wages are so decent, and most people would want to contribute. I'm not saying that he married you for your money, but you'd have to wonder if that's part of why he doesn't want to lose you now.

It sounds like he wants to keep living off you, frankly, and make you jump through hoops to prove worthy of his love.

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 16/05/2014 02:47

House is only worth 80/90k so by no means a family home round here. We earn approx the same (less his sizeable fucking bonus which he kept hidden!)

OP posts:
gregsageek · 16/05/2014 03:17

So glad you are back Penny. He is being a very transparent liar, and he is desperate to get you back to where you were - i.e. in his thrall. Keep doing what you are doing. Am guessing you have not seen him today? How is your mum being? Have you told anyone else?

peoplearestrange · 16/05/2014 03:48

Hi penny. Just read this post and am appalled by your story. Please stay strong . This man does not love you . Hard to hear but you need to repeat that to yourself over and over again when you feel yourself softening. The world is your oyster. You are only 27, earn a decent salary I assume and own your own home outright ! That's pretty bloody impressive. You should spend this time thinki about what you want from life. Anything you had put on hold to concentrate on your marriage? Spend your energy focusing on you and your future . It sounds pretty good from where I am sitting . You are going to be fine.

Only1scoop · 16/05/2014 07:29

Glad you have legal advice don't ever let him back in.

He's no husband ....nothing better than a leechy cock lodger.

What a turn off uggghhhh

Sylvana · 16/05/2014 09:45

Penny, my sister's marriage fell apart due to her DH's cheating at the exact same age as you. They were only married for 2 years but they were together for 6 years before that. It was a terrible shock - he was not the man she knew - he had fooled us all. She thought her life was over - all her life plans down the drain. She was distraught for the first few months but then she got angry, picked herself up and moved on with her life. She went back to college while still working in crappy jobs, got her degree and landed a fantastic job. She met a wonderful man in her new job who adores her. They has been together 19 years now and they have a wonderful life. They have just moved into their million pound dream home this week. I am so happy for her. She said to me recently her life would have stayed so small if her first marriage had not ended. I knew exactly what she meant. It forced her to re-evaluate her life, forced her to get a better education and hence get a much better job. She would not have done these things if her first marriage had not ended. Her first husband did her a huge favour and she can see it now looking back.

What your DH did has been a massive shock to you Penny. These men are adept at putting on a front and disguising who they really are. It's terrifying when the mask slips and they reveal their true self. Don't forget Penny - the words on his emails is your real DH - the words that he is saying to try to worm his way back into your life is the deceitful side of him, don't ever forget that. Keep reading those emails.

Your DH will never change, he is an entitled cock who thinks he can have it all, his marriage and his bit on the side. I know you are hurting now but believe me, this will pass and you will come out the other side much stronger. Run now Penny and don't look back. The wonderful women on this site have been through it all before and will advise and support you. Stay strong pet xxx

Only1scoop · 16/05/2014 11:32

Penny I also came out of a 6 year relationship at your age not married but house etc.... No dc with him thank goodness. I was devastated for a while. Literally torn apart.

I went on to have so much a fab new career and eventually a dc.

It's totally shit at the moment I Promise you it will get better.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 16/05/2014 11:59

He has treated you abominably. For your peace of mind stop engaging contact with him. Drinking isn't the answer, numbing pain only postpones it. This will pass.

As it is your mother raised a smart girl, you are 27 a young woman with a bright future and deserving so much more than this man has given.

Only1scoop · 16/05/2014 12:05

Went on to have so much 'fun' my post should have said.

Lets hope he is gracious and doesn't try to get even a small slice of the house YOU bought.

SawofftheOW · 16/05/2014 17:00

AF, Cog, wherefore art thou?

SawofftheOW · 16/05/2014 17:02

AF, Cog, wherefore art thou?

JaceyBee · 16/05/2014 18:54

"Your DH will never change, he is an entitled cock who thinks he can have it all, his marriage and his dirty slut on the side."

Calling an 18 year old girl a dirty slut, nice Hmm

growingolddicustingly · 16/05/2014 20:10

JaceyBee The OW is an adult who seemed to be happy to take part in an email exchange as mentioned by the OP below:

"The emails are vile, mostly about how I'm a boring old fart with no self respect and marrying me was the worst mistake of his life. How she's "ten years younger but gives ten times better head"

She has not be "conned" by a MM, she knew what she was getting in to.

I wouldn't call her a dirty slut that is true but then I wouldn't give her second thought. This thread is supporting the OP and the issues with her DH. Let's not get sidetracked.

avianaz · 16/05/2014 20:11

She's not a helpless child. I'm around that age. Knows rightly what she is doing.

JaceyBee · 16/05/2014 20:13

Yes but that was what he said in the emails, not her. It's horrible misogynistic language and I stand by calling the poster out on it.

But, sidetracking over, sorry OP.

eddielizzard · 16/05/2014 20:24

neither of them are smelling like roses, and this is beside the point.

penny, you need to protect yourself now. reach out to your friends for support. doesn't matter where they are. take care of yourself.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 16/05/2014 22:18

Penny, stay strong, you're doing great.

The condom thing is a desperate attempt to get you to engage in dialogue with him. Please don't fall for it. Just ignore.

You will get through this, and come out the other side so much stronger. You just need to keep ploughing through it and protect yourself.

toyoungtodie · 17/05/2014 17:26

I have been married for 42 years and I have said on occasion ' I don't love you and I am leaving you and getting a divorce!! and we are still married. All said in the middle of heated arguments. I meant it at the time, but what I really meant was ' I don't love you at this moment', after all we are arguing etc.
I would get over this soon as he is still with you isn't he? but if you don't get back into the marital bed soon and cuddle and make up, then you are slamming the doors of communication shut. Of course he shouldn't have said he did not love you, but no one is perfect.
In the last 42 years I have gone through periods when I thought I did not love my husband, through to being 'mad about him' , to thinking he doesn't love me as much as I love him etc.etc. I think it's life.

magoria · 17/05/2014 17:32

I think you need to read a bit more to young there is an 18 year old he is shagging around with come to light.

BIWI · 17/05/2014 17:35

Read the thread, tooyoungtodie !!!

eddielizzard · 17/05/2014 17:45

toyoungtodie, if you don't have time to read a long thread, you can highlight just the op's posts. that way you can keep up to date without having to read every post.

teaandthorazine · 17/05/2014 17:46

With 471 posts did you not suspect that maybe the thread had moved on a wee bit tooyoung?

allisgood1 · 18/05/2014 20:25

Any updates OP?

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 22/05/2014 17:54

To update, he has now finished with the OW (apparently) and begging to come home, I don't know what to do, in a way I feel relieved that I'm now back in control, does that make me a horrible person?

OP posts:
ohldoneedtogetagrip · 22/05/2014 17:55

Tell him to fuck off