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Original poster

Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

509 replies

MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 09:22

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

OP posts:
JanuaryKat · 14/05/2014 21:49

He's playing mind games & very cruel ones at that. Could you stay with your mum for a couple of weeks?

NettleTea · 14/05/2014 21:50

can we list the ways...
the 'she meant nothing'
the 'i promise to do anything you want (councilling/having a baby/moving house - none of which are true'
the 'I cant live without yous'
finding the chink in your armour, the one thing you wished for and offering that
crying
pleading
refusing to give you space, or agreeing to but still texting/calling
harrassing you with texts
Being really nice
Being really nasty
threatening
getting sentimental about the past
agreeing it was all his fault but 'he sees where it went wrong now'
saying he cant live without you, he is broken, cant sleep/eat/work
telling you he will kill himself
frightening the bejeezers out of you

and repeat.....

NettleTea · 14/05/2014 21:51

yes. agree its all bullshit.
He wants some hysterical bonding over the pointless test.

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 14/05/2014 21:51

I know he's not staying with the OW (I presume she still lives with parents anyway). But he's begging for forgiveness and wanting to get back with me, what a total shit. I think he's scared he's watching his life slip away.

OP posts:
allisgood1 · 14/05/2014 21:53

OMG penny, I can see right thru this one. please don't fall for it!!!

Only1scoop · 14/05/2014 21:54

Has he been to collect anything after you changed the locks?

JanuaryKat · 14/05/2014 21:55

FOCUS on what YOU need & where you want your life togo

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 14/05/2014 22:01

I packed a bag for him and left it outside for him to collect. I am definitely not ready to let him back in my house, probably ever. I think I just need to get it straight in my head that this man is a pathetic little shit and try not to get drawn into his mind games.

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 14/05/2014 22:05

Ok, so you now know he's prepared to try to manipulate you in the worst way possible....
DON'T let him back in your bed again - ever.
You know you're doing the right thing here. Keep going. Try to put the pregnancy thing to the back of your mind for a week or two (keep busy). Hopefully time will prove him wrong.
Worry about it when/if you know you actually need to.
Sorry he's done this.

Minion100 · 14/05/2014 22:14

Please don't see him or speak to him. He's going to play on your weaknesses and get you at your lowest moment. Tell yourself to have one month of zero contact with him and PLEASE use that time to really think. You can't think right now.

Vagabond · 14/05/2014 22:20

How did he find out that you knew about the affair?
What did he do when he came home and found the locks changed? You were up posting til way after 1am that night - did he not try to come home after a night at the pub?
What has he confessed to?

Thank GOD you have your own house but why is it in a place that you moved 200 miles to to be with him?

The pregnancy test and split condom story sounds very odd. Why wouldn't he tell you when it happened?

So sorry OP - what a dreadful thing for you to have to go through. BUT you are YOUNG (a baby! If I could be 27 again, I would change EVERYTHING!). You are lucky in a way. If this man could write such vile things about you, why would you even want to be with him?

Some good men have affairs - I believe that. BUT they don't trash their wives.

Egghead68 · 14/05/2014 22:53

Please don't engage with him. He is a nasty manipulative liar.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 14/05/2014 23:02

Oh for goodness sake!

Of course he's lying about the condom!!

It's absolutely the only thing he could think of to say to get you talking to him, basically (have to hand it to him though - quite ingenious).

What a surprise, he 'wants to be there' when you take a pregnancy test.

What he wants is to whip up a bit of emotional drama, get you a. talking to him again and b. back in the house, so he can fling himself around dramatically and wangle his way back in (to YOUR house, which he's shitting himself at losing because he has nowhere else to go).

The only reasonable response to it all is 'Oh pipe down you little turd, do you think I was born yesterday that'll be your practically pre-pubescent shag, I think you'll find

Just keep the idiot away from you, keep him out of your house, and out of your life. For God's sake don't have anything more to do with him.

LittleBrassPig · 14/05/2014 23:02

I suspect a splitting condom is a pretty rare occurrence to be honest. We've used them pretty regularly since 1985 and we've never had one that split. I'm sure it does happen but it seems very convenient that the last time you had sex this happened. Tell him to stuck his pregnancy test where the sun don't shine!!

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 14/05/2014 23:07

Look.

You are 27.

You have your whole life before you.

You are solvent and in good health.

You've just had the AMAZING good luck to discover that the bloke you married is an absolute shit-scraping twat BEFORE you spent the best years of your life with him.

THINK about all those things he said about you to his young, so excusably stoopid new shag.

Walk away and never look back.

One day, you will be happily married, with a family, security, happiness. And you will look back on these days and think 'That was an awful time, but it taught me SO much. I'm SO glad I didn't end up jumping the other way though, and staying with him. I'd have had a MISERABLE life.'

Move on. And if you are pregnant (which you won't be - I'd stake a considerable amount on him flailing around here for ANY drama he can whip up just to get you talking to him) then you can deal with it in a variety of ways, NONE of which need include him.

Inertia · 14/05/2014 23:15

Oh Penny. He really does take you for a fool doesn't he?

He's desperately trying to distract you and cause the maximum emotional damage that he possibly can with this stunt- how convenient that he remembers a split condom at exactly the time you find out about the secret bank account that he's hoping to hide from the solicitors.

It sounds as though the chances of you being pregnant are small, even if he is telling the truth (though why would he start being truthful now , all of a sudden?). However, he has no business being there if and when you test. I actually think he's cynical enough to be attempting to rule out any future potential maintenance claim.

If you are pregnant then you have some decisions to make. He doesn't get a say in your life now so there is no need for him to be there.

Annarose2014 · 14/05/2014 23:20

I've had a condom split on me back in the day. Trust me, you bloody know it. You can feel the difference in sensation from one second to the next, and the bloody thing rolls up and you can feel this flapping rubber, and then of course after he's finished you're soaked. (Sorry if TMI)

Oh and I was ratarsed at the time. Nothing sobers you up faster than the feeling of split rubber!

VanderElsken · 14/05/2014 23:27

It's such nonsense, Penny. Please stop worrying. You said yourself you thought you were 90% sure he was lying and even if a condom split the chances of you getting pregnant are very small, so all together you're looking at a chance about as small as, well, having sex with a condom!

You have to emotionally detach from him when you can, lovely. He will PLAY you like a cheap violin.

LittleBrassPig · 14/05/2014 23:43

What Annarose2014 said. You can tell the difference between a condom being intact and splitting. If it had split you would have known, you would have noticed the ahem wetness and leakage.

MrWalletwithMothsonboard · 15/05/2014 05:09

You will never feel the same about this man again ...... you will be wasting your time, not his. His cock, the one she gave such great head to compared to you, wants to nestle, contentedly back in your home, sure in the knowledge that Penny is the lucky lucky woman to have won the cock....for now!

The brain attached to that cock is infected with Selfitis. I hope you make the right choice.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 15/05/2014 06:00

There is no way on this earth that the condom split. a) It pretty much never happens b) You'd have noticed c) He'd have mentioned it d) IT ISN'T TRUE.

Incidentally, did he know you'd received/were due an inheritance when he persuaded you to move to his home town? Whose idea was it for you to buy the house outright from that inheritance?

Whocansay · 15/05/2014 08:02

If it's not too late, I would call his bluff and say that you thought something was amiss, so you went to the chemist and took the morning after pill, so he's not to worry about it.

There's not much he can say to that. You then have some space to take a test in private to put your mind at rest. He's clearly lying though.

BlondePieceOffFluff · 15/05/2014 08:19

This is not even any of his business unless you:
a: are pregnant - not very likely
and
b: only if you then decided to go through with the pregnancy - which would be completely up to you and only you

So tell him to back off for now, you will let him know if this becomes relevant for him.

Secondly, it is very unlikely that you are pregnant, but take a test as soon as they are likely to go give you a reliable answer so as to put your mind at rest. Have another test at your GP or at the gum-clinic to be sure.

And remember to eat regularly and try to get some sleep if you can.

LiberalLibertine · 15/05/2014 09:17

Morning penny how are you feeling?

Is your mum actually with you? Have you got any mates/sister that can stay for a while? (If you're mum can't) I really think it would help.

Here's a Brew and some Cake you're doing amazingly well you know, it doesn't feel like that I'm sure, but you really are.

Only1scoop · 15/05/2014 09:40

Hope all goes well at Solicitor

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