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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

509 replies

MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 09:22

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

OP posts:
MyballsareSandy · 15/05/2014 09:54

Anyfucker is conspicuous by her absence on this thread.

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 15/05/2014 10:01

I'm assuming I can't take a pregnancy test now? When is the earliest I can take one? Sorry if I've asked this before but I need to get my mind at rest. Solicitor is at lunchtime so hopefully that will help.

OP posts:
belagh · 15/05/2014 10:37

There are some early ones you can uswd a week or so before your next period is due.

Hope solicitors is helpful today

BlondePieceOffFluff · 15/05/2014 10:46

Maybe a blood-test at the doctor's or a gum-clinic will already be accurate. It's a week alreday today, is it not?

Gen35 · 15/05/2014 11:05

Just saw this - you are very young and he has proven to you beyond doubt he's not a prince, he is a cheat and a liar and he does NOT deserve a second chance. I hope you aren't pg, seems unlikely based on timing. You can't trust this bloke ever again - you've got plenty of time to get your career and life back on track and have dc, you don't need this poor specimen.

Whocansay · 15/05/2014 11:12

I think Clear Blue works after a week - but check with the chemist

LavenderGreen14 · 15/05/2014 12:01

You could probably take a test in 3 or 4 days.

allisgood1 · 15/05/2014 13:27

Don't bother with a test until 14 days after you had sex. Even if it's negative before it could be wrong. Unlikely to get a false negative from the day of your period onwards.

cerealqueen · 15/05/2014 13:29

I really feel for you OP, you are doing so well and have so much in your favour. Brun is spot on, walk away.

Tell him by all means to accompany you for testing - STD testing, then watch him squirm.

magoria · 15/05/2014 13:29

Stop contacting and engaging with him.

It is doing you no good.

Don't let him any where near you if you do a test. This Sunday is probably too early.

If you do a test and it is negative but you are pregnant you are going to get shit from him that there must be someone else as it was negative.

It will be the same result so just do one today or lie and tell him you have and it is negative. Then you don't have to put up with him pestering you until you can do one and get an accurate response.

Step away from the phone. Go no contact for ever a while.

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 15/05/2014 15:12

What a fucking knob he is. I'm sorry OP.

I've also been on the receiving end of a split condom and it was pretty obvious. I think he would've said something if that had been the case, he's just trying to manipulate you.

Do not let him worm his way back in.

Zucker · 15/05/2014 15:34

Tell him to Fuck the fuck off, he can't demand anything of you. Do a test in your own good time, I think he's lying to create a drama that will send you running back into his arms for consolation.

Cut him off, smother this drama with no replies.

Keep strong Smile

AMillionNameChangesLater · 15/05/2014 15:44

Tell him to fuck off. He's trying to call the shots, don't let him

kidsndogs · 15/05/2014 15:52

I think it's BS surely if you were not ttc then a broken condom would have been an "o crap" moment and would have been brought up there and then? And why the hell do you have to do a test on his terms? If you are not together what you do with the result of the test is your business not his?

DaVinciNight · 15/05/2014 16:41

You will need to wSit until the time your period is due. Some tests can work a few days before but that's it.

Please don't do the test with him. He lost his right to dictate how and what when he didn't tell you about the condom dit at the time. I mean who on earth would stay quiet on that front when also having an OW and saying they are not in love anymore? If he was that worried he should have told you then and you could have had the MAP.

Longtalljosie · 15/05/2014 18:14

He's just trying to make you see him. It's a load of old bollocks.

Jux · 15/05/2014 18:26

It's all bollocks. Do not believe a word he says.

I don't know when you can take a test, but whatever you do don't have him there. He has o right to be, and he will use the moment - whatever your reaction - to manipulate you into doing what he wants you to do and subject you to yet more heartache.

He is an untrustworthy ball of slime.

How was the solicitor?

Kundry · 15/05/2014 20:11

When you can do a test is totally different to 1) whether you should do a test and 2) when and if you tell him you have done a test.

There is ZERO chance the condom has split.

However he's wound you up so you will want to do a test - you can get ones which allow you to test a week before your next period is due. Doctors will not do a blood test anymore given you can get 3 for £1 at the pound shop.

Given he's an unspeakable shit, I'd tell him you can't do one before 28 days after you had sex. Even if you can test earlier. Just to get him to fuck off.

Minime85 · 15/05/2014 20:31

I can't believe how he is behaving. you are being so strong and u will come out the other side.

the while thing about the condom sounds like the most bizarre desperate attempt to engage with you it's ridiculous. where would he even get the idea from to come up with it. hope you are getting some RL support too

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 16/05/2014 01:44

I'm not strong :( keep drinking to forget, yet at the same time im scared I'm halming my baby. So sorry :(

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPennySweet · 16/05/2014 02:12

I know I'm being irrational and if it had actually split of have felt it. Hate the way he's got into my head. Solicitor said he won't get half the house only "reasonable contribution". Lol he fucked his wages on golf clubs!!

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/05/2014 02:15

Oh I'm glad you've seen a solicitor!

But darling, there IS NO BABY. He is LYING TO YOU. And please remember that, when he tries the next tactic, that he's so low as to pick something you absolutely can't ignore, to try and get control.

I'll ask again - whose idea was it that you moved to his home town and bought a house 100% with your inheritance? The timings of that intrigue me.

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 16/05/2014 02:16

I hate the way he spent his money on himself and his stupid bloody games an his women whilst I was being careful trying to save for our future!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPennySweet · 16/05/2014 02:17

Yes il admit it was his idea :( feel so bloody stupid now! We'd decided to move to his hometown when we got married and we knew I had some inheritance coming but because it took so long to sort out we didn't know how much.... :(

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPennySweet · 16/05/2014 02:22

Makes sense now how he wanted to go for the smaller house with 100% deposit instead of a "
Large deposit on a family home! Feel so duped!!

OP posts: