One example, one that has been playing on my mind, is after dc2 was born, the first day after his paternity ended, when I had dc1 aged 3 and a 2.5wo baby. I had a shower, went to playgroup where I bf for the first time in public, picked up a few bits from the shop, cleaned the bathroom and did a load of washing. I had dining ready when he arrived home and dc1 had been fed.
He walked through the door and saw some toys on the floor. He started picking them up muttering about having to come home from work and keep working. When I said they were just a fe toys and couldn't they wait til 7 and be cleared away then he said that he works hard every day, is it too much to ask to come home to a tidy house? I said that I was quite proud of myself for what I had achieved and that it was just the first few days with a new baby and his dismissive attitude and the implication that I couldn't do anything right was upsetting.
This is the kind of time he wheels out the above.
I rarely pull him up on stuff now, the sulking or martyrdom over how hard he works mean that I only argue the important stuff, but inevitably I am told that if I am upset it is my fault.
He always said he wanted two children, but since having dc1, if things have not been up to his standards or how he wants them he used to say, 'I don't know how you think you'll manage two if you can't even keep the house clean with one'. Therefore I can't complain about being kept up in the night, bfing, general tiredness. Yes, I did want another child but I think he did too, he just wanted it under his conditions.
Sorry, ranting! And some of this isn't even recent, it's just that I seem to be thinking of things like this more often now and realising not only that it's not really nice, but also that I have put up with it for so long and I can't work out why so I am weighing up whether I am overreacting, maybe I make a big deal where there isn't one. Not sure.