I am beginning to think that I only have one life, and I deserve to be happy. Our children deserve to be happy too.
My husband is a workaholic. He works one job 9-6, so is home around 7 pm. He then eats, rests for an hour, and goes back to his computer, and works till around midnight on his own business. He is grumpy, tired and overworked. He wont give up on his life's work - the business, but recognized we could not survive from it so took a new full time career job on top. I am also involved in the business, with book keeping and admin work, so as long as the business is ours/his, I am also tied up with it, and not in a position to find any other new meaningful job. I could turn my back on it, but have a sense of duty.
Weekends are spent waiting around for him to clear his email backlog before we can do anything together. Similarly holidays. Bank holidays and holidays he sees as his opportunity to crack on with his business.
I am frankly sick of it. I did not sign up for this. I am dealing single-handedly with all chores, everything related to the kids. He leaves mess around everywhere because he is too busy to tidy up after himself. He cant even put his own cereal bowls into the dishwasher, just leave it on the side for me.
He is going through a shirt per day, 2 pairs of socks and sports clothing, so creates a lot of laundry. Every day a new towel for him to wipe the seat of his bike/motorbike, adding to the load.
If I say anything, he just retorts "It is not like I am lying around on the sofa doing nothing, I am working".
I dont want him to work like this. I have not asked for it. I did not marry and have kids just to be on my own with it all, while he is pursuing not only an exciting career, but his own business too!
The business is not making money. It is making losses monthly, and he is paying business expenses with his credit card, and paying off his credit card with the salary from his other job. So, the other job is now subsidizing the business. The extra money is not going to the family. He says he cant sell it, he does not want to sell the business, it is unsalable because it is making losses. Yet, he loves it and wont give up on it.
I took the kids and went away for bank holiday weekend. I did not even ask him to join us, I figured he would just not be able to, or sit on his laptop the entire time, while we would sit around and wait for him. I figured he would crack on with work. But no, he decided to go on a his own weekend trip with a mate. So, I think he has proved to me that he can take time off from work, if he does not have to spend the time with his wife and children. Me and the kids had a fantastic time without him.
I have no interest in any other man. I just dont see what value this man is bringing to our lives. I know I cant ask him to give up on the business, he will just be resentful.
I have supported him for over 10 years in this venture, and given up my own career prospects for him to work on this, and help him. I have invested an inheritance from family on the business, my parents once gave him 20k to support him. Yet he still says that I have never supported him, and that he resents I have never been on his side. He is a selfish and entitled idiot without appreciation for the sacrifices we have all made for him to indulge in what in essence is nothing but a very expensive and time consuming hobby.
I am sick of it. I just dont know how to get on with divorcing him, moving out, moving on, and guiding the kids through this.