Should she let me see them?

[januaryblues11]

I've been with my dp for 6 months. He has 3 children with his exw, aged 2,4 and 5. She point blank refuses to allow me to be anywhere near them, her reasoning is that she doesn't want them to see anyone else as a mother.

I'm feeling very positive about this relationship. I really think we have a future. I want to know his children in the future.

Is she in the right? How long should we leave it before we bring it up with her again?

On a different note I never understand how people who have an affair can ever truly trust each other especially if they are both in relationships.

I mean they can clearly be deceitful, lie and cheat so what would stop them doing it again?

I appreciate people fall out of love but for me if that happened and I was so attracted to somebody else I was willing to break my promise of monogamy then that would be a clear indication that it was time to end my relationship before starting another.

I think that's what inspires this breakneck sprint into all the trappings of settled relationship-dom Funny, as if joint bills and white goods and 'family' daytrips can substitute for trust. It's a form of hysterical bonding.

Don't know why they can't just get on with it without using other people's children as props though .

Fide

I would be very very very surprised if January AKA frog come back to this thread.

Should go in classics for best name change fail.

time to end my relationship before starting another.

And I imagine the OP would say that they did this^, presumably on the basis that PIV did not occur until whole hours after the charming chap had ended his marriage.

Should go in classics for best name change fail.

Indeed. Best attempt to brazen it out I've ever seen. I'm sort of impressed actually

I always think the need in affair to relationship is to 'normalise' the relationship. The sooner the adulterers can be together they try to recreate the 'normal' form of a relationship as they believe this will prove longevity. What they fail to see is that both or one of them had that originally but it meant so little they gave it up.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive.

Oh and Frog I think your name suits you

@ funny

I think what frog was saying was it was a response to what was said on page 1.

Haha! Classic name change mistake...

There's always a Miss.Marple on a thread...love it...sometimes it's like on scooby doo when they pull the mask off of the villain!

Are you really saying that frog was answering a post that was 64 posts before she posted a reply?
Bit pointless really as it was SIXTY FOUR posts ago!
A post that wasn't anything to do with the OP.

Nah still don't buy it. Name change Faaiillll

I would've got away with it too if it wasn't for you pesky kids

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2003844-the-guilt-how-can-I-make-sure-my-ds-always-knows-I-love-him

This is a post under the original name.

Sorry to post this as I know searching and linking to old threads is frowned upon but seemed relevant as op sounds in a vulnerable place emotionally. I question whether the op should be in a relationship with anyone given the circumstances. She sounds like she needs a lot of counselling and professional help. Not to start a relationship with someone else's husband and then want to meet his children within such a short time frame given what's happened.

Given the time frames of each thread she was either having an affair with the new man or split with ex then a day later got with new bloke.

Neither is a good scenario plus she does not mention new man in her other thread at all considering she took an overdose while she was with new man I find this strange.

I think the OP should seek help for her issues as things are clearly screwed up.

Oh gosh. What a bowl of noodles.

Just as well you did link Fairy

:(
Oh my...

Well at least I got you thinking!! Still not op though... no married men here!

I read that earlier but I also saw a post which said they were having an affair. I posted the quote up thread.

I haven't really read the entire thread. I read the first post and I thought to myself "uh oh". But this is what I would suggest though. It doesn't really matter what the ladies here say, the most important person that you need to get on board and to also please, is indeed the mother. I would not in any way at the moment, try to please the children in any way. Just let your bf bring them out sometimes, and if it doesn't happen that way, then it doesn't. At the same time, let things be natural in front of you and let it run its course.

If you are apprehensive of the children, then do let your bf know. Cos if you are going to be fair about things, if you guys do get together in the far future as a solid couple, you will have to handle the situation and may be someone's stepmother. Do not jump in both feet just yet. If your bf does bring the children out to meet you, then do take an interest, and also get to know the nature of the children as well, and understand how they are being parented.

I think for now, you really have to separate the "dating" with the "step-parenting". Plus also, do not go into this relationship with rose-tinted glasses, but be aware that you may be someone's stepmother, and truly embrace and understand this aspect of the role as well. Do not try to force things, but do not also try to fight for affection from the children. Or to "buy" their affection too.

Dating a father or dating a mother is truly different to dating someone without children. You really need to truly acknowledge this aspect as well.

Where is the thread where they said they has an affair? AS brings up nothing like that for me.

Had*

Even if you are colleagues at work, when you see them outside of work and see their entire life unfold in front of you. It is very different. The perspective of the individual is also very different too. If you want a future with somebody, wouldn't you also ask yourself, what made this man leave his wife and why ? All new relationships will have its honeymoon stage in the beginning, but at some point, you got to have the typical heart to heart talk, and actually be honest, and assess the situation.

If a person can tell you their good side and their bad side too, then this is honest, and there is a chance of a steady relationship, but if the guy is defensive and has not even reconciled his own hurt, but this is a rebound relationship for him. Then there is not likely to have actual honest to heart communication in the future though.

Poundingthestreets has hands down the most sensible advice on this thread.

(and this might be the worst - the most important person that you need to get on board and to also please, is indeed the mother.)