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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"But We Took You To Stately Homes!" - Survivors of Dysfunctional Families

994 replies

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 26/04/2014 13:39

Thread opener here: webaunty.co.uk/mumsnet/
You may need to right-click and 'unblock' it after downloading it.

It's almost May 2014, and the Stately Home is still open to visitors.

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010
March 2011
November 2011
January 2012
November 2012
January 2013
March 2013
August 2013
December 2013
February 2014

Please check later posts in this thread for links & quotes. The main thing is: "they did do it to you" - and you can recover.

OP posts:
MillyMollyMandy78 · 06/05/2014 21:03

Another one here that seems to have missed the thread some of you are talking about. Though I'm glad of that cos it sounds like it would only have upset me/ made me doubt myself. Sorry it has upset you Hissy. I don't see how any caring human being can see someone else's pain and cast judgement on whether they have suffered enough to feel that way. Surely kindness and empathy would prevent most people making these judgements

nearlyreadyforstatelyhomes · 06/05/2014 21:13

So today I'd just like to run away from everything. Nothing has happened in particular but I just want it (housework, food shop, home admin, DIY, DIY decisions, work/redundancy dilemma, 2yo tantrums, stressed DH, my ever-expanding love handles, family concerns etc etc) all to go away.

I miss being care-free and slim and able to drink and smoke and not feel shattered by 9pm.

So I'm looking for a time-travel trip to take me back to my yoof and go hang out on a lovely beach somewhere.

Who's coming with?!?

MillyMollyMandy78 · 06/05/2014 21:53

Nearlyready - can I come to the beach too? Sounds lovely!

I have been feeling really bleurgh myself lately. Since my db wedding we have been so busy/ so much going on. Guess it stirred up quite a few things re mum/ nc etc, also bit jealous of sil's baby born 2 weeks ago (childless, mostly dh's choice, but I'm usually ok with it), in the process of moving house - hopefully early june- but just finding it stressful at mo. Constantly tired and drained, which in turn is making me feel more low. Also, been doing lots of questioning about my place in life - i just have a fairly menial part time job, while my dh is very successful and earns a small fortune compared with my pittance, and getting depressed about my weight, am a stone overweight, just feel a bit of a waste of space at the mo.

GoodtoBetter · 06/05/2014 22:11

I'm going to the beach tomorrow after therapy Grin

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 06/05/2014 22:37

I'd love to go to a beach.

Glad I haven't seen that thread. It would make me angry.

OP posts:
Cleorapter · 07/05/2014 10:20

Oh, I would love to go to the beach today, it's so beautiful out. I guess the nearby dunk pond will have to do Grin.

That other thread made me incredibly angry, how dare someone say their pain is worse than other peoples? Angry how self centered and (dare I say it?) Narcissistic.

I'm getting married in the summer. Which presents a bit of a dilemma. All my immediate family live with my narc mother. I've already invited my brother, and as much as I don't want to invite my mother, the others probably will not be 'allowed' to come if she isn't invited. And I would be left with no family members at my wedding. If she comes, I know she would try and make it all about her. I can see it now, tantrums in the run up, refusing to go, abusive messages and phone calls on the day. She follows a script each and every time there is an important/special moment in my life. When both my children were born, when I got engaged, birthdays, when I nearly died..she always has to make it about her.

I haven't done anything wrong, this is so cruel. Why couldn't I just have a normal mother and a normal family!

She contacted me the other day to offer me her phone as she heard mine was broken. Trying to suck me in by being 'nice'. Grr.

Cleorapter · 07/05/2014 10:21

Duck pond, not dunk pond Hmm

ButterflySwan · 07/05/2014 12:58

Another one who was angered by the other thread. I want to apologise as it was me who recommended the OP might like to join us here. I typed an angry response on that thread then deleted as I decided to disengage but felt much better for getting my anger out by writing!

I hardly ever find time to post but have lurked for several years and have found this thread such a huge help, I check in often, particularly when things in my family get stirred up so while I'm here want to thank all of you who do post and offer support, you are making a difference to more people than you realise.
And hugs to all those who need them at the moment!

Appletini · 07/05/2014 13:41

Cleorapter I'm sorry you're having to worry about your wedding, that seems so unfair. If it helps, I had hardly any family at mine and nobody noticed - including me.

ButterflySwan don't apologise for being nice, kind, helpful and supportive to someone who didn't appreciate it. You've done nothing wrong.

Sappy hugs to all those who need. I'd love to go time travelling, now where did that TARDIS get to?

insul · 07/05/2014 15:44

Congratulations to Meerka.
Getting lots of support from this thread

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/05/2014 16:11

Cleorapter

I did not have any family members at our wedding and got married abroad. Apart from the priest the only other people at our ceremony
were the two witnesses.

It is not your fault that you do not have an emotionally healthy birth family unit. BTW is your Dad still in your life; if he is, has he said anything about your wedding?.

I would not invite your mother at all to your wedding; the potential is certainly there within her to ruin your special day as well particularly given previous form. She will indeed make it all about her.

Meerka · 07/05/2014 16:55

cleo I too had the family dilemma at the wedding. So wanted family there but not either living parent.

In the end I invited the others but not either parent. One knew of the wedding, the other did not (still doesnt afaik).

the way I decided was to think about how I'd feel in 10 years' time. Knowing both my parents and what was likely to happen (total domination and making it all about her in one case, hurtfully snide and insincere remarks in the other), would I regret it more if I invited them or didnt invite them? Realised very quickly it was better not to invite them by that criteria! I dont know if it helps, but just maybe it might?

Cleorapter · 07/05/2014 20:52

Thank you for your replies.

My dad is still with my mother unfortunately, he almost got away but was sucked back in. He'd be a really decent guy if he was so spineless and completely enables her shitty behaviour. It's so unfortunate. I'd love my dad and both my brothers and my nana to be there. But they won't go if I don't invite her...she won't allow it.

I wish u could elope, but but that's not possible sadly Sad

I suppose if they didn't come I still have my wonderful friends who are like family to me. And of course my wonderful children. With every day that passes I love them more and cannot fathom how someone could treat their offspring the way that bitch treated me.

And breathe...

Meerka · 07/05/2014 21:30

that's one of the worst thigns isnt it. Seeing decent people ground down by a terrible mother (or father) until they can no longer leave.

I kind of always thought less of my mother's husband for staying, until after her death he said he'd stayed becuase if he left, she'd get custody. Hadn't realised that before. She probably would have too; for many years she could be very convincing unless you lived with her and saw the other side :s It kind of changed my view of things then cause the thought of their two children being brought up by her alone is beyond bearing.

Cleorapter · 08/05/2014 09:54

Meerka, I never though of it that way. Maybe at one point that's why my father stayed. But all the children are adults now, so that excuse isn't there anymore. She treats him awfully, it's horrible to watch and he does everything for her. All the while she's whining about how he 'abuses' her. Projection at it's worse.

He's a shadow of a man now. At one point he was having councilling and it looked like he was getting stronger and ready to leave. She wouldn't allow it. I, and the other children have told him to go. She doesn't even wear her wedding rings anymore, and tells the family they're seperated. Although he buys her everything she asks for, and even got presents in valentines day. The guy is a mug.

MillyMollyMandy78 · 08/05/2014 11:33

Cleoraptor - your dad sounds exactly like mine. Sadly, i have lost all respect for him the last couple of years. He has put his spiteful wife above the children who truly loved him and had his best wishes at heart. He has built his own prison walls - sad, but he is the only one that can change that, and i doubt he ever will.

Re your wedding, i think Meerka is right about deciding what you would regret the most in years to come. I have been Nc with mum for a year now and married for 5 years. My beloved uncle died a year before from cancer, horrid and he suffered a lot. My uncle was a kind man who had done so much for us and mum, yet she treated him disgustingly during his illness, including screaming abuse at his hospital bed, as he was dying, because he wasn't interesting company and ungrateful cos he wasn't making enough effort to entertain her when she visited. He was in agony!!

Anyway, with one thing and another, i didn't want her at my wedding after that - i saw her for the truly poisonous woman she is. But i wanted my dad and younger siblings there and knew they wouldn't be 'allowed' to go without her. So i invited mum as well, but spent most of the day trying to avoid her. I felt physically sick as we had photos of her with her arm round me and playing happy families. Half the photos from that day are a pack of lies and i felt a fraud. I don't have many regrets in life, but one of my biggest ones has been that i allowed that woman to share my special day. At the time i did what was best cos i wasn't ready for nc, but i feel like her presence spoilt my wedding day. Five years on, i really wish i had not invited her - and i don't think that feeling will ever fully go away. I wish i could have that one day back, to do differently. Everyone is different, and i'm not saying you will feel the same, but think carefully about what is most important to you. It is so sad to be married to a wonderful man you love, but to regret how you spent your wedding day.

Meerka · 08/05/2014 12:06

cleo it was the same with my mother's husband. He said that he wanted to leave but stayed for the children, since she'd get custody. Then I'm absolutely certain that later on, he was too ground down to leave. That vital turnign point had come and gone and it was too late for him. Terribly terribly sad - but my half-sisters are paying a heavy price indeed for the whole mess.

Also when you see someone spinelessly placating a horrible bully and not protecting the vulnerable kids, whatever the reason for them being there you just want to shout 'you're an adult, stand up to her!"

Mind you, I say that and I was in my early 20's and did not do much .... I couldnt. I just couldn't. I spent two separate weeks there and on the last one, I left early cause she had her hands round my neck trying to strangle me after an argument becuase I got her a gin and tonic but forgot the lemon for it ..... I just could not stay there, I could not survive her. She spent days screaming the meanest abuse she could at people even in the 2 weeks I was there and I couldnt take it. Nothign was untouchable if she thought it would hurt - and it did. I'd have gone down. My younger half-sister says that people knew what was going on and did nothing ... and she's right. I was one of them. Though admittedly when she was reported to social services, she slithered out of everything :(

Even so, when I walked away, it meant leaving two vulnerable young children with her both of whom are paying a heavy price as adults now.

Cleorapter · 08/05/2014 16:18

Milly, I understand completely what you're saying. How cruel of your mother to scream at a dying man. But I suppose a Narc cannot stand the idea of anyone getting attention but them, even in that situation. It's vile.

I know my mother wouldn't get into photos (she makes a big deal out of 'not liking her photo being taken') so I guess I wouldn't have that problem. And I have enough people around me to shield me from her dramatics on the day. I just don't know if I'm going to be mentally strong enough to not let it get to me. Ive come a long way, and been NC for a couple of months now. The FOG isn't as strong, but I worry it's going to creep back in, and I'll get that horrible sick feeling, where I know she's kicking off...

Meerka, I guess it's because it's a long process of systematic abuse over many years, grinding someone down til their perception of what is right and normal is squewed. It's probably not the enabler partner's fault (entirely) neither ours (believe me, I've allowed some truly despicable behaviour in the past where that woman had claimed control of MY child Sad I remember once, during a huge argument I tried to leave, and when I got my child's shoes on to go, she told me I couldn't go anywhere as SHE bought the shoes my DD was wearing and she would get social services involved and my child taken away from me! Ridiculous.

Sorry, I digress, I'm so sorry for your half sisters, but it's not your fault, you were a victim too.Thanks

Dirtypaws · 08/05/2014 16:33

Such sad stories...awful. Dfil is in that position of living in (what must be) hell. I can't understand how he can put up with the bitch of my MIL and I've only seen a couple of flashes (but heard toe curling stories)

On another note, I have been trying to remember something/anything happy about my childhood- about my parents and I can't really - only a hand full of memories.

Someone mentioned up post about being happy playing outside, that's what I remember. There was a little brook with over hanging trees behind our house and beyond that disused pits and we spent HOURS there. I'm trying to remember whether my DM ever hugged me. I don't remember so, not ever and she's not the narc! We never had bedtime stories or good night kiss or any attention that I remember at all, is this normal? Or maybe we did and I just can't remember?

Meerka · 08/05/2014 17:16

I honestly don't know how people survive it either, not for long. Well, I have some clue, but oh god life is a living hell. Life should not be so miserable, you shouldn't dread waking up each day.

I uh ... might have gone into hospital at some point cause things were so bad after the death of my beloved and sane adoptive mother.

One thing that was so, so clear from some of the strong survivors there (and they were - some of them were really strong) was that what is dramatic and what is traumatic are sometimes different things. Its the small stuff, the being unhugged, the lack of goodnight stories, the indifference and coldness that can be deeply damaging. If you add game playing and mindfuck on top of that like gaslighting or bullying, it can be unbearable. Having seen the highly dramatic and the quieter souldestroying stuff ... you can't judge what is 'worse' or 'better' or 'trivial'.

MillyMollyMandy78 · 08/05/2014 18:30

Another one here who completely relates to the no hugs from either parent, no 'I love yous', no bedtime stories etc. The only person growing up that seemed to genuinely like and take an interest in me was my beloved uncle. No one else made the effort. It's so sad really! No wonder I have trust and insecurity issues that impact on every friendship and still seep into my marriage, which is otherwise pretty good. That feeling that people aren't really interested in you/ making fun of you behind your back/ don't want to spend time with you/ that everyone will eventually have enough of you and leave... No wonder really when my own parents couldn't be arsed with me!

Cleorapter · 08/05/2014 19:00

Can definitely relate to that too. I barely remember my childhood. Only the traumatic parts (and even some of those are blanked out) I never remember being told I was loved, or hugged, or any affection. I certainly remember being thrown around and screamed at though.

The only good parts of my childhood i remember are staying at my nana's house, playing outside with the local children, and just being a normal kid. My nana gave the best hugs. I still remember how soft her skin was and the perfume she used to wear.

The lack of self esteem, even now I'm thinking as I write this post people will be reading this thinking how conceited and whingey I am Sad

It's somewhat of an unfortunate comfort that others feel the same though, though I would never want anyone to feel this useless and worthless.

MillyMollyMandy78 · 08/05/2014 19:06

Cleoraptor - I don't think you are being conceited or whingey at all! Far from it! I agree about the unfortunate comfort of not being alone. Spent my life being the one from the weirdo family/ being told to hide family secrets etc that I find it almost alien when I come on here and someone completely gets what i am talking about! Sad that other people are struggling but a revelation to know it is more common than you realise

GoodtoBetter · 08/05/2014 21:28

I'm so sorry to hear about people having such unhappy childhoods. It stays with you so much I think, shapes who you are...good and bad. I was talking about this a bit at therapy. My childhood was happy in some ways and my mother was a good mother in many ways and in many ways very loving...too much really in a smothering way. But it was, at the same time, really really dysfunctional. Just stating the basic facts of my childhood to the therapist quite took me by surprise at how CRAP and fucked up a lot of it was. No beatings, abuse but still seriously unhealthy.
We are at the beach and I know DM is in a funk about it and her upcoming birthday and who knows what shit, but I am trying to put her out of my mind, as my counsellor says, she's not in danger, she is safe...it's like a toddler tamtrum, treat it as such.
Enjoying the break and the sun and watching the kids have fun.
Hope everyone else is OK
xx

GoodtoBetter · 08/05/2014 21:30

sorry, I mean there were no beatings of me (did witness DV between parents at least once) OR abuse, I wasn't abused.