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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wife doesn't like me "going south"

119 replies

davrostheholy · 25/04/2014 18:16

Is this common?
My wife and I have been together 15 years and have 2 children 7 and 10.
Previous partners have all loved me giving them oral sex, and I quite liked doing it for the obvious pleasure it gave them.
The wife (then girlfriend) tolerated it at first (so it transpires) then told me it did nothing for her and never has. We haven't even tried it for years now. She swears that it has never done anything at all for her even with previous partners - and she has had "a few" so she has no hangups about sex in general.
Don't get me wrong, its not a big problem, just wanted women's viewpoints on it as it seems to be a bit unusual and I have a vague feeling she (we) may be missing out!

OP posts:
MrsBennetsEldest · 25/04/2014 18:19

Each to their own. She has told you it does nothing for her. It's not unusual for a person to have likes and dislikes surely.

TallyGrenshall · 25/04/2014 18:24

I don't like it, does nothing for me and never has (shrug)

I wouldn't get all hung up in the "we're missing out" mindset either. Even if every other woman on the planet swore it was the best, most life changing, can't live without it sexual act ever thought of, it wouldn't change the fact she doesn't enjoy it.

Original poster
davrostheholy · 25/04/2014 18:25

MrsBennet
yes its fine, and as I said its not an issue really.

OP posts:
Offred · 25/04/2014 18:27

Could be she just isn't particularly into it, has a psychological hang up about it or it could be that you and/or others she's been with haven't been particularly great at it. We can't really give you the answers tbh, it is something you need to discuss with your wife! Normal isn't really relevant or useful to you here not are other women's feelings whether they were your previous gfs or mumsnet posters!

MrsWolowitz · 25/04/2014 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mum4Fergus · 25/04/2014 18:30

I can't stand it personally...does absolutely nothing for me, never has done.

louby44 · 25/04/2014 18:33

No I aren't a fan either! Can take it or leave it to be honest. Had a fair few partners so not a prude. It just does nothing for me!

PassAFist · 25/04/2014 18:35

Nope, not a fan here either. Find it quite amazing when I see other women rhapsodize about how amazing it is!

goodasitgets · 25/04/2014 18:36

Thank god for this thread Grin
No, I hate it, does nothing for me

CountessOfRule · 25/04/2014 18:36

I absolutely hate it - far too vulnerable.

ThePriory · 25/04/2014 18:40

Sometimes it just does not feel good, no matter what they do. It's not you, some ladies sensitive areas just aren't designed for that... Enjoy the other things!

aylesburyduck · 25/04/2014 18:40

If she doesn't like it that's her perogative. Her body, her rules.

Ploppy16 · 25/04/2014 18:42

horses for courses isn't it? personally I like it - but inly when he's shaved! Grin

KathrynJaneway · 25/04/2014 18:43

Really??Well I'm a fan, when done right, amazing. I think if the partner hasn't a clue what they are at though, very frustrating

Bonsoir · 25/04/2014 18:43

Doesn't do much for me either.

cookoos · 25/04/2014 18:44

hate it! no reason other than i dont think it feels good.

Original poster
davrostheholy · 25/04/2014 18:45

Thanks for the responses. Its not a big deal and I respect that she doesn't like it. It's just that in the media / life in general it's all one way traffic in that oral seems to be presented as a must and a necessity. I've seen friends of the wife look at my wife like she is crazy on the odd occasion she has discussed it with them.
At the end of the day, she's happy, and everyones different I guess.
Good to know though there are others feel the same way !

OP posts:
Offred · 25/04/2014 18:45

Yes, all these responses are basically just going to tell you it is normal to; like it, love it, take it or leave it and sometimes it depends on how she feels/technique... So basically nothing useful! Ask your wife about how she feels and then let her take the lead on it.

Offred · 25/04/2014 18:46

Oh missed off hate it! Ha ha!

Offred · 25/04/2014 18:47

Be careful reading stuff about women's sexuality (and men's for that matter) in the popular media it can do a lot of mischief with relationships I think.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 25/04/2014 18:51

I think your partner seems clear she's not missing out. 15 years is a long time - you seem to be looking back at previous experiences and maybe this is more about you feeling that you might be missing out ...?

Original poster
davrostheholy · 25/04/2014 18:55

toohard
I suppose there might be an element of that...
but please don't read too much into it. Just wanted some confirmation, which I have already got anyway. It's not such a big deal.

OP posts:
WhateverLover · 25/04/2014 19:00

My DP loves doing it and thinks he's amazing at it (he's not). Doesn't really bother me, I just let him get on with it Grin

Steben · 25/04/2014 19:01

Love it but very much depends on the capability of who is doing it - DH is very talented in that area! However I have friends who hate it, those who love it and friend whose husbands have never even tried it. Horses for courses....

Sallyingforth · 25/04/2014 19:03

Gosh! I can't imagine sex without it.

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