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Relationships

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Original poster

Wife doesn't like me "going south"

119 replies

davrostheholy · 25/04/2014 18:16

Is this common?
My wife and I have been together 15 years and have 2 children 7 and 10.
Previous partners have all loved me giving them oral sex, and I quite liked doing it for the obvious pleasure it gave them.
The wife (then girlfriend) tolerated it at first (so it transpires) then told me it did nothing for her and never has. We haven't even tried it for years now. She swears that it has never done anything at all for her even with previous partners - and she has had "a few" so she has no hangups about sex in general.
Don't get me wrong, its not a big problem, just wanted women's viewpoints on it as it seems to be a bit unusual and I have a vague feeling she (we) may be missing out!

OP posts:

KissMyFatArse · 25/04/2014 19:03

It's the only way I, you know.....

Love it.

VelmaD · 25/04/2014 19:08

My boyfriend has been married twice before me. Both hated it. My ex husband refused to do it. I bloody love it and so does he. Its not a deal breaker of course, but its nice to be with someone who feels the same.

TeeBee · 25/04/2014 19:13

Me too Kiss, and it totally is a deal breaker for me if someone didn't like doing it I'm afraid. But also I like giving it and couldn't imagine someone not wanting me to do it to them. But, hey, whatever floats your boat.

YouAreMyRain · 25/04/2014 19:13

Not keen either -too slippery. Had lots of partners too and experienced various techniques but not really enjoyed it. I even feel asleep once when a former lover was working away down there I like lots of other stuff though

cakeymccakington · 25/04/2014 19:16

i don't like it.

tried it, didn't like it, not missing out at all!

MrsHaitch · 25/04/2014 19:20

I bloody love it. Have only ever let my husband do it to me, so I don't have anyone else to compare him to, but if we split and I was with another man who didn't like doing it, I'd be upset.

BUT, as others have said, each to their own.

Brittapieandchips · 25/04/2014 19:24

Another one here who it does nothing for.

All slippy and soft.

I have no shortage of previous partners, I have occasionally enjoyed it but only in a wider context, iyswim.

primeminister · 25/04/2014 19:29

Yuk. Love sex. I mean really love sex. But oral makes me feel physically sick. Took me a long time to own up to my dh that I felt that way - he was a bit taken aback but it was such a relief as I used to dread it and was forever trying to make sure it didn't happen. Happy to do it for him though.

SweetErmengarde · 25/04/2014 19:43

Despite sex manuals repeatedly asserting that by cunnilingus and cunnilingus alone is satisfaction achieved, plenty of women simply aren't fussed.

Having tried it with different partners in different configurations, even with different modifications (Dude swore his tongue stud made it "amazing." Puh-lease.), I can say for certain it leaves me completely cold.

DH loves doing it and I'm happy to let him; he knows how I feel and keeps it brief so I don't up cold and bored!

Kundry · 25/04/2014 19:48

So pleased to read this thread, there's so much stuff about how marvellous it is and the best way for women to have an orgasm.

I don't like it. Lots of faffing about while nothing happens. I fell asleep once it was so boring.

Great to hear I'm not the only one.

BeforeAndAfter · 25/04/2014 20:06

Maybe trying different positions for oral will help?

I do and I don't enjoy receiving oral [helpful face]:

69 leaves me cold. I can't get myself into a good position to pleasure him the way I like to and I don't enjoy receiving if I'm giving - it's all a bit distracting, but not in a good way. My ex-DPs loved 69 so I would indulge occasionally for that reason alone. I've tried with many partners and nothing floats my boat on 69.

On my back with him "down there" is OK but not better than penetration and I can drift off into shopping list mode.

Me kneeling astride his face is the best - I can control my position, pressure and where he's focussing on. Still not better than penetration but the best of the bunch.

For me it's all relative to PIV - I could happily live without receiving oral and never miss it. On the other hand I love giving oral so I appreciate that it makes my man happy to indulge him but I can do that because receiving doesn't repulse me - I just get a bit bored, rather quickly, so it never lasts too long. I manoeuvre my way cunningly into a new position without crushing his ego. (no pun intended, by the way, with cunningly)

Not sure how you'll address any changes on this front though if you've not done oral on her for yonks. She'll probably think you're looking at porn or having an affair if you suggest a new position after donkey's years. If you decide to try again you'll have to drop it in gently based on something discussed at work ...

SweetErmengarde · 25/04/2014 20:20

Or even, you know, ask her if there's anything she would like to try but never has?

Might turn out to be something that does it for both of you.

PrincessBabyCat · 25/04/2014 20:20

Depends on my mood. Nothing will beat PIV, but it's still fun as long as I don't have to kiss him afterwards. Can't say I've had a bad experience with it, but I can be a little bossy in bed to make sure it's done right.

TitchyCooPark · 25/04/2014 20:25

Not for me either. I never know what to do with my arms and I always get the urge to do the most enormous "Phantom Raspberry Blower" type of fart.

TCP x

WonderouslyTame · 25/04/2014 20:34

I've just come out of a relationship where a similar thing occurred.
All of my previous partners loved it, but she seemed to actively do anything to avoid it, often citing she "felt manky" down there.
I can understand that fully, we all want to think we're OK down there if something is about to happen. She also claimed it was down to her putting on a little bit of weight. Thing was, I found her GORGEOUS and never even thought about it! She was 44, i'm 38, so it's not as if she had anything to fear! I'd actively ask to do it, I LOVE the idea of pleasuring my partner, it worries me to think why they'd not want me to.

To cut a long story short. I've (as a male) never been that comfortable at receiving but can REALLY enjoy it IF i'm completely and utterly relaxed. My partner took it as "Well, he never wants it" so it did chip away at me from my side of the relationship. Ended up undermining so many things, especially as she'd openly talk about her exes, what she did with them, brag openly online about her past promiscuity, store and show me pictures of her exes, store and accidentally show me a picture of one of her exes in a 'less than clothed' scenario and accuse me of cheating (which would NEVER have happened given my feelings for her!)

Woah! That last lot tumbled out a bit! Talk about an open wound

gamerchick · 25/04/2014 20:40

you do like your sex related topics OP.

some wimmin do, some don't. It doesn't matter.

WonderouslyTame · 25/04/2014 20:40

Yes TitchyCooPark I know what you mean. That's why, to this day, the '69' worries the flipping 'eck out of me!

TitchyCooPark · 25/04/2014 21:00

WT, I have never 69'd in my life.

Seriously, all those that love it. Tell me, what am I supposed to do with my arms then? I can't grab at the pillows as they are behind me, I can't see the TV as I am facing the ceiling (and I am not wearing my glasses so it is just a blur). Even more importantly, how do you ignore the "horse chewing bubble gum" noises.

I had a very disturbing experience recently when I woke up and heard "the noise" and was a little freaked it was the cat on her chair liking her arse.

TCP x

WonderouslyTame · 25/04/2014 21:07

Haha! I either suggest turning off the TV, putting the cat in a home or stroking your partner's hair (if he has any).

From a male point of view, if they stroke your hair it makes us stupidly believe you are enjoying it, even if you are desperate to wake up early in the morning as Boots have some canny 3-for-2 offers on!

Handsup · 25/04/2014 21:30

I haven't just changed my username to illustrate where the hands should go btw but I do find myself dithering where to put them because I'm usually struggling to relax due to the concentration involved..eventually 5 minutes after frowning, rearranging pillows I finally convince myself I'm enjoying when in fact I'm bored.

independentfriend · 25/04/2014 21:32

For me receiving is OK ish, but feels lonely; I'd much rather have someone touch me with their hands/toys whilst being in body to body contact with me and close enough that we can talk quietly to each other. Other people's mileage varies:)

VelmaD · 25/04/2014 21:48

My hands grab the bed, the pillows,my thighs, adds some fingers to his tongue etc. Im not laying on my back static that's for sure. And we definitely dont do soft. I love feeling his tongue and lips and definitely find it the easiest and more satsifying way to orgasm.

Sallyingforth · 25/04/2014 22:05

I can't remember what my hands are doing at the time. They aren't the parts I'm thinking about because all the sensations are happening somewhere else.
It's an integral part of the action for us - couldn't be without it.

alabasterangel · 25/04/2014 22:22

Going back to the op, previous partners have enjoyed,and I've quite liked doing it for the obvious pleasure it's given them

So you got enjoyment because it gave your previous recipient enjoyment, yes? So if this recipient doesn't enjoy it then hey, nothing lost.

I personally don't. And I don't like dishing it out much either. If your partner is happy without, and you were happy giving but only because it was so well received with other people, then you shouldn't be at any mutual loss not to do it?

Lots of other stuff to do which you both get pleasure from I'm sure?!

Darkesteyes · 25/04/2014 23:48

With my last sexual relationship I found that oral wasn't (I want to say forceful enough but that doesn't sound right) and I couldn't orgasm from it. He did magic with his fingers in that area though.

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