Wife doesn't like me "going south"

[davrostheholy]

Is this common?
My wife and I have been together 15 years and have 2 children 7 and 10.
Previous partners have all loved me giving them oral sex, and I quite liked doing it for the obvious pleasure it gave them.
The wife (then girlfriend) tolerated it at first (so it transpires) then told me it did nothing for her and never has. We haven't even tried it for years now. She swears that it has never done anything at all for her even with previous partners - and she has had "a few" so she has no hangups about sex in general.
Don't get me wrong, its not a big problem, just wanted women's viewpoints on it as it seems to be a bit unusual and I have a vague feeling she (we) may be missing out!

Your wife doesn't like it and it's not a big deal, you've got nothing to worry about. Not all women like it, just replace it with something she wants. I think most men would not mind not having to go down.

I was never bothered about it one way or the other with my ex but with my current partner - OMG its amazing. Can't imagine sex without it now. I guess it depends on your partner if theyre good at it & know what they're doing it can be incredible

I find doing it an incredible turn on. A lot of my mates say they love doing it too. I think it's the intimacy of it but that's also the reason some women don't like it. It's too, "in your face" for some.(seriously, no pun intended, just a figure of speech)

I seem to remember I really loved it ..

must get out there again one day !

OP are you getting kicks out of these answers....

Goes along with feathery stroking for me. I need something a bit more rugged!

Hate it.

OP are you getting kicks out of these answers....
Perhaps he is, but no harm in that. He started an interesting subject.
I never realised that so many women didn't enjoy what to me is an essential part of sex, but I expect/hope that they find something else to enjoy instead. I wonder if the difference is psychological, or physical - we are all a bit different down there.
Either way it's a perfectly valid personal choice and no-one should have to give or receive anything they don't like. DP and I are very physical and experimental, but neither of us fancies anal which one of my friends raves about.

I hate oral sex, I let DH do it every so often as he loves doing it but it does nothing for me.

I hate it too.....never ever allow it either.

Am happily single at the moment but in all relationships it's a no go for me.

Quite an eye opening thread, had no idea so many women didn't like it. For me it's non-negotiable...no oral...no sex. For me it's essential and I would never settle in a relationship where it wasn't going to happen.

An eye opener indeed Mini. No oral, no sex. Jesus lol.

My wife doesn't like to give oral and has to be in the right mood to receive. I like giving it though. A lot!

Not sure if it's due to her being able to orgasm through regular penetration though. We know each other pretty well nowadays so it's possible for her to have multiple orgasms through penetration alone. If I put on a ring then she gets a double whammy so perhaps I just don't do it for her through oral?

FFS!

Oh dear. he wants to talk to ladies about whether or not they like oral sex. getting off on that, mister?

Just for the record, in case any man I know should find himself reading Mumsnet Relationships - not until I know you very well indeed. In the Biblical sense. In my opinion, some things are better to give than to receive.

I like it but not sure about 69 - an eyeful of bollocks is a bit off-putting & I'm always worried I might cum & bite him!

Lol @ WitchWay

That's put me off 69's for good!

I don't like it OP. I've always been incredibly sensitive "down there" and more often than not find it irritating rather than pleasurable! The line between pleasure and pain is very thin. I don't think DH has done it to me in months/ years maybe! We still enjoy our sex life without it. Friends have said to me in the past "oooh you're missing out!" but it doesn't really bother me.... Each to their own

It's sort of OK. I don't really bother with it any more.

However, in case my future daughter-in-law loves it, I'm going to get ds vaccinated against HPV when he's a teenager.

Neil -70%, rounded up from 69?

Op here
I am somewhat annoyed at some posters who assumed I am a pervert!
As some posters have said it is a valid and interesting question. I did not ask in a pervy way, and it seems a lot of posters gave sensible answers confirming that it is not universally appreciated. Please note I did say from the outset that it was not an issue, and repeated the same when some posters launched into an unwanted critique of my sex life, and inferred that I must be crap at it!
If, as a group, you are going to be so hostile, to men asking a woman's viewpoint on things then you are going to end up a pretty insular narrow minded bunch. I came on here in search of a different view point and it has been beneficial in terms of appreciating issues like womens rights, sexism, dv.
Ah well, sod it. I'm done.

Hey davros we didn't all make that assumption. I recognised your user name from other threads too.

I wouldn't worry mate. Most of us could see it was a genuine enquiry. I thought you worded it very well actually.

I must admit, I too am annoyed at the sweeping generalisation responses from some. Apparently, those of us who don't enjoy it, have obviously only had it done to us by blokes who don't know how to do it right. If we were with a cunnilingus expert like their DP/DH then we'd love it.

Absolute bollocks!

Regardless of the skill of the perpetrator, how expert or not they are at it, fact is I don't like it. Wouldn't make any difference if it was the gold medallist in the oral sex olympics doing it, I still wouldn't enjoy it.

I've had a long, varied and adventurous sex life with numerous a few partners and I've done and enjoyed all sorts, but the going south just ain't for me. I like giving it, but there is no need for them to reciprocate.

Darkesteyes, Fontella - thank you.
Fontella, that's how my wife puts it - would not matter who was doing it, it would do nothing for her.
Now, the problem is that I am now constantly checking what I am about to write in case some one assumes that I am writing it for pervy reasons!
So its impossible to write naturally anymore!
Like I said I came on here hoping to learn. I have had some shit to deal with in my life (as we all have I suppose) and, to be honest - male forums are not good places to discuss things, and I would never get the viewpoint I have got here already.Both my sisters were unfortunately married to violent abusers. I am younger than them and a lot of it passed me by and went over my head! When I got the details years later I was shocked.
So yes, I am interested in DV and abuse. In fact, to be honest, I was I suppose sexually abused as a child by another child. Not to a massive extent and I have never told anyone about it - god knows why I am mentioning it now!
My first wife was a manipulative liar - I realise you only have my word for it but there we go... I could write a book about the things she got up to.
Up to and including convincing friends and family that she had a stroke, terminal cancer, having a "phantom" pregnancy with someone after we split up.. and much much more. She withheld sex and intimacy for a few years towards the end, we did the whole Relate counselling thing - didn't really help. I tried to help as much as I could, eventually she decided she wanted a change of career - so we got her trained as a driving instructor. She changed for the better - so I thought - things were looking up - we talked about buying a new house, we had a 6 year old son by then who I worshipped. But still.. no sex.
Then a week before Christmas 98 she announced she wasn't "in love" with me anymore. A few weeks later I found her fucking a work colleague in our bed with our son next door. In the weeks that followed I found that there are worse things that sexual infidelity (so it seemed at the time anyway.
Cut a long story short I ended up in a shitty flat with a bin bag full of crap. My wife held all the cards. As she was such a good liar she turned everyone against me. One night I put a bag on my head and tied a cord around my neck. I decided I was not going to let my son think of me like that and vowed to fight back. I changed jobs and found a lovely woman who is now my wife. I drove 200 mile round trip to see my son every weekend after my ex wife moved her home town - every weekend from when he was 7 until he went to uni at 18.
What happened to her ? Well, as I said she was pretty unstable, and she attempted suicide a couple of years after we split up. She eventually settled into a relationship and all seemed stable.
Unfortunately she did the same thing to that guy as she did to me, and this time her suicide attempt succeeded. Around mothers day. Just before my Sons birthday, just before he went to Germany for a working placement as part of his Uni course. She text him "Be happy" - that was it.I feel sorry for her now to be honest. So I had to get my son and take him to the hospital to say goodbye to her. Very very hard thing. She had been out in the open countryside for a week.
Oh and a couple of years ago I developed a rare condition - Hypopituitarism - My pituitary gland doesn't exist. All my hormones are screwed - forever - no cure. Diabetes and Hypothyroidism on the way, ED already here! Lucky eh?
Yes. A lot of shit I guess. Sex / relationship related ? Yes. Can tick off quite a few of the regular topics of conversation on here, and I have seen it from both sides. So I thought I could maybe help here, and offer a male viewpoint on these things. Believe me there are not too many places on the internet for a male to do this kind of thing.
I have been married to that wonderful second wife for sometime now and we have two beautiful daughters. My son is about to graduate from uni, and I have a good job. But one thing I learned is that you can't take for granted the things you think are permanent foundations in your life - they could be built on shifting sands. It can all crumble. You should question, and try to improve, yourself. Work on relationships because they are the most valuable things you can have.
God knows why I have bared my soul there. I never have before. I think I am pissed off to be honest about being labelled a pervert when trying to help. Anyway you lot are anonymous beings on an internet message board. So go for it! Take the piss and throw your verbal "stones". I am immune - bulletproof. It will just drive me onwards. As long as I can manage I will keep fighting on.