Wife doesn't like me "going south"

[davrostheholy]

Is this common?
My wife and I have been together 15 years and have 2 children 7 and 10.
Previous partners have all loved me giving them oral sex, and I quite liked doing it for the obvious pleasure it gave them.
The wife (then girlfriend) tolerated it at first (so it transpires) then told me it did nothing for her and never has. We haven't even tried it for years now. She swears that it has never done anything at all for her even with previous partners - and she has had "a few" so she has no hangups about sex in general.
Don't get me wrong, its not a big problem, just wanted women's viewpoints on it as it seems to be a bit unusual and I have a vague feeling she (we) may be missing out!

Davros I'm just going to post briefly because I don't want to read and run something like that. I could understand if you never do again, but thanks for explaining something about where you are coming from.

It's a lot harder than it used to be IMO to find straightforward help on this site - it's become so much bigger and wilder. I hope at least you did find something you were looking for on this thread.

Davros = well done pal.

davrostheholy - Don't be put off by one or two posts. To be honest, I can understand posters on here treating male posters with suspicion if they're asking questions of a sexual nature because there's been blokes offering to buy underwear etc lately.
I don't know what other forums you go on but I only go on here and a football forum, so it's obvious I wouldn't ask for advice on that one.
This is probably the only place where you'll get clear, sensible and honest advice.

davros - I don't think you need to justify yourself and where you've come from, yes, a lot of us have been through sh*t but I feel for you, your DS and your exW who must have been so tormented.

I totally get where you're coming from with canvassing opinion on MN and I think you have, in the majority, had good responses. It's a shame that a few posts question your motives for posting and I'm not sure a woman would be called a perv if they asked about their DH not liking oral.

Don't let a few put you off posting again.

Good luck to your DS on his graduation, he has done incredibly well to complete uni with all he has had to deal with - proud Dad moment

I can see how this topic might raise suspicion but am glad you started it. It's been good for me to see that other women don't like it either. I have always felt a bit odd for not enjoying it.
I equally dislike giving it.....another thing I won't do.
A history of childhood sexual abuse is my reason for that ....sorry if that's a trigger for anyone

Davros, that took guts to post that, even anonymously.

Sex is difficult when you have barriers, such as ED and diabetes. I know, my boyfriend has both. It was amazingly hard for him to start a new relationship with me, knowing it might not happen with his ED. Maybe that's why oral became such a thing for us? Within weeks he was honest, and at the GP and although there are times it just doesn't happen there are other times it does (though the spontanunity kind of goes when you have to take a pill six hours before!) but we are both in our thirties and only a year into our relationship - that makes things a lot different.

Its probably been lost along the way, but do you and your wife still have sex? Is it just the oral that she doesn't like?

This is what I find odd about Mumsnet. When you want to, you are happy to accuse any poster of being 'hairy handed' or of thrill-seeking, but you are inconsistent in your approach.
This topic was clearly something people wanted to talk about - fine, so did I. But that doesn't mean it shouldn't be treated with as much suspicion as any other post.

Davros - I am amazed by your strength and perseverence. And I also think it must have hurt to write that down, because it sounded like you were reassessing your past as you went, and that some pretty unpleasant stuff came up. I hope that you are OK dealing with any emotions that came with it - if not, please do keep posting here. People can be quick to judge on this forum, but that is partly a result of the fact that there is also a lot of hurt, resulting in a lot of anger (hence men tend to get a raw deal, I'm afraid).

like it, my SO says he'll do it more, just not often. He's done it twice in the past 3 months and I think it's ont of those things we do every so often as a little sexy surprise.

Davros, you have indeed been through some incredibly tough times. I'm sorry to hear about it, and hope you're doing ok. You sound like a fantastic dad for your son. And for your daughters, of course, but in the absence of any other parent, you must have a particularly important role in your son's life, I imagine. Congratulations to him on his graduation.

Just a thought, and please feel free to ignore. There is quite a lot in your recent post that could possibly identify you to anyone who knows you in RL. You might not mind that but I just thought I'd point it out in case you hadn't realised, or hadn't intended to reveal so much.

Lots of luck to you.

Hi All
I let out a bit too much of myself there - Phew !
Sorry for the rant.
Yes, Struggling I guess it did turn into a review of all the crap I have had. And do you know what, I feel better for it. The act of writing it all down and formalising it seems to have helped. Just telling people about it all ! Because you see I don't talk about it. I have rebuilt everything from scratch. I have the happy relationship, the happy children, the good job, the company car and house in suburbia. I look back to those dark times and wonder how I did it. And I think then "Is it safe.. is it real..? What if I screw it up? What if someone betrays me".
Someone with a modicum of intelligence could look at what I wrote and join the dots. If you think of the original question I asked it could be said it shows insecurity. Maybe it is true - maybe I think Sex = Love and this is why it niggles at me that there is this aspect of our sex life that does not follow the "rules" that media / society portray.
Again, I am fine with the concept that it does nothing for her, on a conscious level, but maybe subconsciously it does "niggle" - but I am aware that's my problem not hers.
Yes we do have sex, and mostly its pretty good! Not as much as some, but a lot more than others, it seems.
Yes I am aware that MN does attract weirdos so I feel a bit guilty going off on a rant, but whats done is done.
And yes, the majority of posters WERE positive and constructive.
Going back to the original question it seems that its not uncommon at all for women to report that it does not work for them - so in that sense question answered !
Thanks again to everyone for your kind words and listening to me let off steam.

OP- every woman likes different things, plenty of men are utterly shite at oral sex (ex-escort, got lots of experience) aswell. Some women just do not like oral sex, its one of those things.

Hi not read all replies but the ones i have read im surprised so many people dont enjoy it. I dont know if its that some of you havent enjoyed it first time so never gone back or maybe its just you dont ike the sensation of it. Think everyone should give it a go a fair few times before deciding they dont like it :)

Personally I love it and tbh would rather that over a quicky any day, remember first few times it happened i though omg is that what all the fuss is over . I first properly enjoyed it with an ex who had his tongue peirced although it would get me going i still never came through it. Was actually a 1 night stand i had that I was amazed by. When got with my ex who i was with the longest was dissapointed that he didnt like doing it although he made the effort to go down it felt like he wasnt enjoyng it which ruined the mood, although he had no issue with recieving .Since then had a few hit and misses but my bf now is really good puts alot of effort in and you can tell he enjoys it which is what i like.

If your both ok with no oral then dont worry what others are doing but if you are missing it then maybe worth a chat with her, can always start off with baby steps eg few little kisses or something.

mummyofdarlings (apologies for the TMI) but looking back on it my ex OM was sticking his tongue inside me rather than around and on my clit and I felt unable to tell him he was a bit off base. But he was so good with his fingers anyway that I didn't mind too much.

Darkesteyes - yer its experiences like that thats off putting isnt it. Im a lot more confident now though so if something was shit id just tell them

Indeed. Communication is everything.

mummyOF4darlings - You might want to word it a bit better than that to him though. :)
It might not go down too well. (pun very much intended)

neiljames77 - of course i would say it nicely :)

Never been into it except with current DP- something about his technique does it for me! However, still prefer intercourse.