AIBU to be p*ssed off with DH and WWYD?

[flipflop100]

Background is DH & I have had 4 child-free nights in the last 14 years, last time was 5 years ago. My DM has dementia and ILs panic at the idea of looking after our 4 delightful DCs and have never offered to hold the fort to give us a break. And we have badly needed a break together. A year ago I told DH I was on the brink of asking for a separation. ILs think all is marital bliss.
For about the last 6 months I have had high expectations of next week's bank holiday weekend as I came to realise all the stars were suddenly in alignment for the first time now the DCs are older. They have all had the opportunity to go away for 2-3 nights with their various youth organisations. 3 DCs are happily signed up. Frustratingly 14yo has decided that, while he has gone on every trip possible up until now, he doesn't want to do this one. I have tried every possible encouragement.
I said to DH a few weeks ago I didn't think it was unreasonable to compel 14yo to go away for 2 nights at his age for the sake of his parents' marriage. DH had mixed feelings. I said I would leave it up to him to talk with DS and explain.
Well he hasn't. I'm hurt and disappointed at his lack of eagerness to grasp this extremely rare opportunity to spend significant time alone with me.
WWYD? I'm tempted to leave them to it for a boys' weekend and head off on a road trip on my own, youth hosteling or something. No domestic duties for two days and time to rediscover who I am again since DCs came along.
AIBU? If no, I'd love to hear your suggestions for the weekend.

Good idea, if only GPs didn't live 250 miles away.

I just wanted to say I feel sorry for you OP and I think you've had an unfair bashing and I think you have only expressed desire to have child free time, not entitlement.
I know how you feel and we have had more breaks than you. But it still isn't enough. It's no where near enough and I feel really trapped sometimes. This has nothing to do with how much I love my children and it is no one else's fault. But it doesn't make the feeling go away.
One day the children will all go away and you and DH, if he is lucky and has put the effort in, will have all the time in the world together. In order for that to happen, he needs to out the effort in now though.

I never in my wildest dreams imagined having so little private time and space both with DH and without him,when making the decision to have DCs. For me, it's one of the hardest things about parenthood. If it's important to you, don't let any of the miseries on this thread tell you that it isn't.

Fair enough, I missed that (if you mentioned it)

A friend? Neighbour?

Thanks Cunty, and that's very honest of you.

I do feel for DH. He's tried to arrange a special break for our anniversary instead and must be feeling as let down by his parents as I am right now. No doubt he was hoping such a lovely and welcome surprise would guarantee a lengthy stay in my good books & ILs have thwarted that!

different I know I'm not helping myself here. I'm one of those people who is uncomfortable asking favours of friends & neighbours. I have asked neighbours for little things before & they weren't exactly falling over themselves to help out.

Also we relocated a couple of years ago & haven't got many/any of those mutual 'use me & abuse me' type friendships locally yet. Maybe one but her mum has cancer.

No 'pretext'..(?) We do actually communicate better when not shattered and relaxed. The shagging's just a bonus.

I can't understand why people don't WANT to spend the odd night with their grandchildren. Ill health, miles away, then fair enough but.. really? We do things to help our parents out when they need. I've had my nieces overnight several times. It's one night of their lives, ffs. And he's 14! They're not gonna be scraping jelly babies from the rug..

I'm just a lucky bitch obviously - my Mum, my Dad, my MIL, even FIL (in a few years) would be thrilled to spend time with DS. Not that I'd ever try and farm him out every weekend for a night of wild abandon! My Mum had her MIL on hand, DPs Mum had her Mum on hand, GM had her Mum.

I think it's pretty disappointing that they won't even do it for their anniversary, I'm sorry OP. Doesn't sound like such a close family to me, that's sad.

And -forget the name, sorry- the poster whose DC's GPs have the other grandkids but not yours. WTAF?? :0(

Learner I'm really pleased for you to have so much family support, what a lovely tradition the mums have passed down. Its obvs you appreciate how fortunate you are in that too.

Latest development is DH has told DS he needs to go on the trip & DS has happily agreed (hope its not too late to book). It's been done with rather a lot of bad grace though, DH has barely been able to look me straight in the eye today. I'm beginning to regret making waves, I think it's going to be a long week.

Hey, that's great news though! Book it, pack it, FUCK OFF!

Just be really excited about it with DH, surely he'll get enthused too. Start asking him what kind of restaurant he wants to eat at, what he'd like to do while you're away (ahem) etc. etc.

It's now your mission this week to whip up excitement.

Well done. Hopefully next time an opportunity presents itself he will jump on it. Especially if you make sure he has a doubly good time.

Flipflop - don't regret it, seriously.

In this instance maybe it won't be the wonderful weekend you had hoped.

But you've made a stand, and hopefully your DH will have realised how important it is for your relationship, and your DC realise that actually mum and dad DO need some time with out us.

It will make it easier to organise the next ones - start planning some sleep overs at your place, then call in the favours later!

Although I really do understand the difficult when you're relatively new to the area - part of the reason why we pay for childcare, but we've been fortunate enough to find some really lovely babysitters who are brilliant with the boys - but if you don't look you won't ever find them.

Perhaps see if you can find an au pair that lives locally who would like some extra weekend work - they're used to spending the night in another place.