Not had sex for almost two years

[Olliedelondon]

I very much love my DW. Before we had our two children, we had a reasonable sex life, although I would always initiate. But since our children we have had very little sex (once every four months maybe) and nothing at all for now almost two years. My DW says that I am unreasonable in my 'needs' and that I should focus all my attentions on looking after the children. But I think it's destroying our marriage and I'm not prepared to sacrifice a sex life and frankly don't see why I should. I also don't think she fancies me. At all. Am I unreasonable? What should I do? I have 'got by' by using pornography in secret. I have also started fantasising about attractive colleagues, although I have never had an affair. The sexual frustration I feel is almost painful...Help?

Wow, just wow! Would be good if you could substantiate that view... Please stop accusing me of sexism or victim blaming or anything else I haven't done and that you haven't been able to substantiate.

You were the one linking porn with men's sexuality.

Offred but FFS how do you seek out who has consented to their private video being seen and who hasnt? When does personal responsibility (ie not making videos of you having consensual sex due to the risk the partner could show someone else if it would ruin your life?) come into it? Are people not to be held responsible for their own decisions?

If I decide to make a homemade porno with my DP (and yes, we actually have done this) and put it online for sale, are either of us being exploited? Plenty of people do this because it brings money in.

I've not even said you can't think rationally. Just said it is off to tell other women their experiences of motherhood can't have happened when you aren't a mother and therefore can't possibly have any real experience to be sure.

No-one has to watch porn. I find it dubious that anyone could become aroused by porn which they aren't sure is consenting and that depicts misogynistic stereotypes because I think it is a sign they probably don't think consent is as important as they should and they probably don't object to misogyny as strongly as they should. I'd not be in a relationship with someone who watched porn for that reason.

I tried < shrug >

You did!

Not even the nipple tassels worked! Ha ha!

I'm losing my touch

Or I am touched, one or the other < sigh >

You come across like a 'victim blamer' if thats what you want to call it (I actually wouldnt call it that, tbh)

Where did I link porn with men's sexuality? For crying out loud it was YOU who did that when way back in the thread you started bleating on about how porn affects mens views of sex and has lead them to believe weird 'myths' about female sexuality such as a woman can orgasm through vaginal penetration (not a myth because it happens for me, when I am having vaginal penetration and nothing else!).

I responded to your post with my own personal opinion and experience which is that it often does affect the views of teenage boys but when they start having real intimate sexual relationships their mindset undoubtedly changes, porn is not 'sex' anymore like it was when it was their only ever experience of anything sexual. I do not believe in the slightest that porn affects even the majority of men's views of sex (I accept it will affect some people's/mens views of it), and I am saying that as someone who has experienced sex in many contexts not JUST in a loving relationship (why do you believe someone whose only experienced sex in a loving relationship knows more about it than someone whos experienced it in all sorts of situations including in a loving relationship? I think the latter person has more sexual experience in general).

I have pointed out time and time again that men and women's sexuality can be interchangeable it is not gender specific and also that if someone is watching porn they are NOT replacing intimacy and if you think they are you really don't know much about the sexuality of people who enjoy/watch porn.

When on earth did I say to any mother that her experience of motherhood wasn't valid? What the actual fuck are you on about?

He's not my DP btw he's my bf. and yes when you've sat up with him until 2am bringing lemsip and talking and cuddling him through his cold then gone to work while he went home to bed and you then get the cold and make an effort to still go out on a planned date and he makes an ill judged comment about man flu being real and men really getting sicker than women it does make you a little irate! It was not really two hours though more like 15 minutes until he was subdued by the extreme grumpiness.

However yes I do take sexism seriously, unsure why that's a negative quality.

'No-one has to watch porn. I find it dubious that anyone could become aroused by porn which they aren't sure is consenting and that depicts misogynistic stereotypes because I think it is a sign they probably don't think consent is as important as they should and they probably don't object to misogyny as strongly as they should. I'd not be in a relationship with someone who watched porn for that reason.'

No one has to watch coronation street or funny cat videos online. whats the point?

I cannot believe you feel justified in judging what other people become aroused by. Whether I am disgusted by porn or not, I do not have the right to judge something so personal about someone. Sexuality is a complicated thing. What misogynistic stereotypes does porn portray? Are you honestly saying a normal man and wife making love is misogynistic etc just because its being filmed? Is every porn film exactly the same? Have you ever even watched porn?

I think you wouldnt be in a relationship with someone who watched porn because your insecure, tbh. But thats just my opinion, theres nothing wrong with being against porn, to try and put your morality on other people though is frankly shocking and not something I'd expect from someone who is supposedly for people being able to choose what they want to do with their own bodies.

You talk crap, I'm sorry.

You made several posts on weds afternoon sneering at people about what motherhood is like/not like and trying to censor women talking about their experiences of morherhood. Maybe you would like to go back and read them?

So you don't judge people who are arouse by children then?

It is entirely appropriate to judge people when they are doing something damaging.

No-one has to be with me if they like porn. there's not putting of my morality on anyone over here.

I've explained why homemade porn can be worse - because you don't know if the people consented to it being published online. You can't be at all sure of it's provenance.

It is interesting though that you are so convinced that people who object to porn are insecure.

I'm not sure where you get that idea from?

I dont believe people who object to porn are insecure, just that it sounds like for you that could be the reason, particularly given the telling opinion that using porn is replacing intimacy with a partner.

If you buy clothes, food, etc, how can you be sure the foreign child who broke their back putting together these items consented to it?

Its a moot point, I'm afraid. Personal responsibility has to come into it somewhere with regards to grown adults filming consensual, normal sex. You are overly uptight about the issue whilst being unwilling to see between the lines.

No-one has told you your experiences aren't valid, AF hasn't even spoken to you on here for ages. You are very paranoid about being dismissed. I'm saying (and AF said) you have not got the requisite experience to dismiss the experiences of others not that you could not express your view or experience although obviously if your view appears to be some misogynistic crap you say you read in a magazine then people will clearly want to challenge it or point out the limitations of it.

I've never said that though. I said that the op seems to be attempting to replace the intimacy he has lost with porn which is not going to be helpful particularly because porn portrays dubious views of women... Is that so difficult to understand?

People need clothes and food, no-one needs to wank but you can take steps to ensure the provenance of food and clothes.

People like to wank and they sometimes like to use porn to wank but porn is nothing like comparable to food and clothes.