Not had sex for almost two years

[Olliedelondon]

I very much love my DW. Before we had our two children, we had a reasonable sex life, although I would always initiate. But since our children we have had very little sex (once every four months maybe) and nothing at all for now almost two years. My DW says that I am unreasonable in my 'needs' and that I should focus all my attentions on looking after the children. But I think it's destroying our marriage and I'm not prepared to sacrifice a sex life and frankly don't see why I should. I also don't think she fancies me. At all. Am I unreasonable? What should I do? I have 'got by' by using pornography in secret. I have also started fantasising about attractive colleagues, although I have never had an affair. The sexual frustration I feel is almost painful...Help?

sorry - just because they are a woman doesnt mean they are default worse off than every man on the planet.

Someone stated men get a beating online when it comes to these issues because they have it better than women in real life, which is bollocks for the reasons explained in the last post.

Maisie I find it highly offensive you telling me to 'go and grow older'- I've lived as an adult for a lot longer than I should have and have lots of experience with certain things I can guarantee most posters here havn't. I am in a LTR myself (who cares if its a marriage, its the same thing near enough) so have every idea what it means and have 'given it thought'.

I cannot believe you equate someone thinking of divorce because they are unhappy and not saying anything because they'd like to be sure first as a 'betrayal of trust'. I'd consider denying my partner so much as a kiss for nearly 2 years a 'betrayal of trust'.

Do not try to use my age as a reason to belittle or patronise me again, it doesn't work, older doesnt automatically mean wiser. I've probably had more sex with different partners than some on here have had hot dinners.

Ive fucking had it with this Its bad enough that women in my situ cant speak out about these issues in RL without fear of what men in close proximity might do or say.

It looks like women like me also have to fear misogyny from other women to.

In RL I will be continuing to keep quiet.

misogyny?! are you having a friggin laugh! i havnt read any of your personal posts on this thread, merely your replies to me. What issue are you 'in fear of discussing in real life because of men'?- LOL! Can 'men' hear everything when your having a private conversation with someone you presumably trust?

I fully accept there are often deep reasons for many women not wanting sex but every post here of mine is referring to the OP and HIS situation and I maintain that some women DO just not want sex and are apathetic to it! his Dw sounds like one of them! how is that misogyny? What a joke!!

I agree with a lot of 22 honey says. Some bits I don't. But please don't bring age into it. Its almost as bad as attacking a man by saying he obviously doesn't know how to please a woman because she doesn't enjoy sex. ..

Its not a real betrayal though it is? The one thing you know when you get married is that you cannot predict what will happen, where your life will take and what you will be doing in 5 or 10 or 40 yrs time. When I got married I had never consider that my DH might have started his own business and nor did he but we talked about it as the OP seems to have talked to his wife when he started his business. The fact that she might not like the reality is not something that be predicted and is hardly a betrayal of her expectations. It is just life. She doesn't seem to hate it so much that she is asking him to give it up completely does she?

No it isn't great to come home drunk too much but that isn't a betrayal of the expectations of marriage fgs. Its annoying, probably a bit selfish and not what you might want but not a betrayal of their marriage vows.

A real betrayal is entering into a marriage when actually you don't really love the person you are marrying and you aren't attracted to them enough to show them any physical affection and worse still, once you have been married for a few years, to just unilaterally decide that none of that sort thing matters and their relationship is that of co-parents, not husband and wife.

Of course not 22 NO man has EVER eavesdropped NEVER NEVER NEVER

Sorry 22 I assumed you had actually read the thread properly. Including my link and the dodgy PMS I got when discussing the same issues on here MY BAD

and FGS maisie, I dont need to go and read bloody books about foreplay!! What planet are you from? Why would I do such a thing unless I had problems in my sex life?

I fully accept there are often deep reasons for many women not wanting sex but every post here of mine is referring to the OP and HIS situation and I maintain that some women DO just not want sex and are apathetic to it! his Dw sounds like one of them! how is that misogyny? What a joke!!

Errrrrr because I assumed you wouldn't be supportive to a woman in the same situation because id assumed you had read the thread properly.

MRA?

What did your dodgy PM's have to do with the OP's situation though?

Some men don't want sex 22 You do know that right?

READ THE FUCKING THREAD

22honey I am actually concerned for you.

Reading between the lines I suspect that you have gleaned your knowledge of sex through either prostituted women/children or through what people who use prostitutes/sex workers or whatever you want to call people who work within the sex industry have told you.

Surely , and I am not intending to sound patronising here, it is not a realistic sample of how loving sex actually is/ should be.

It is not normal for 43 percent of women never to orgasm during sex. Totally not normal. Wtf would anyone do it if they never experienced orgasm?

Seriously why would they?

You claim that after speaking to people a good proportion of women do not orgasm or masturbate.

The only explanation for this is that either you are basing your findings on women having paid sex in some way, when of course they don't orgasm, they are simply going through a sexual role play in order to boost a man's/ woman's ego. Or you have spoken to the john's who pay for sex. The "my wife doesn't understand me brigade'", of course such a man is an entirely honest decent human being whose word can be relied upon-not.

In time you will see how wrong this is.

This is very sad indeed and my advice to anyone in a relationship like this is no, it is not normal.

I wouldn't be supportive of a woman not getting any sex or intimacy? How did you come to that conclusion? Most of my posts have been countering the ridiculous, patriarchal, out of date ideas like he needs to buy her flowers and chocolates and in general spoil his wife like a child if he wants any nookie!

To say you are against sexism etc you don't do your cause any favours pandering to the line its normal for women to only 'give out' sex as a reward for material things and work being done (and yes, saying that he doesnt do any housework and should do/buy her this and that and she might want it, is pandering to out of date ideas about women's sexuality)

ffs 22 I never said anything of the sort If you DID read some more threads on here you would find that MNers (well the majority of us) are AGAINST women being portrayed as the gatekeepers of sex and you can include me in that.

22 ive been posting on the premise that you have been reading this thread properly.

Simplesusan, get a grip for god sake I havnt got my knowledge about sex from 'prostituted women and children' - for a start I never met any children and I worked alone from home and barely spoke to any other women about their experiences! Do you honestly think its the only experience I have of sex? You are definately patronising and very insulting, trying to define me by such an experience and say you are 'worried about me' - I really cannot believe it. You are actually upsetting me, how dare you say something like that. I have much more experience in life than merely 3 years working as an independent escort! I do not base my thoughts on that either, and you will find many people have agreed with my points and I seriously doubt any of them are ex sex workers! How utterly patronising of you, I really hate women like you, seeking to define me by my experiences. I would honestly prefer the most sexist man alive to having to spend an hour with women like you.

The people I have spoken to have been family members, friends, the women in my in law family etc, not any prostitutes, as said I did not speak to anyone like that about their experiences as I worked INDEPENDENTLY from home!

A lot of my points I am basing on my OWN experience of sex in general, and believe me most of the sex I've had hasn't been within an escort environment. Also it was not necessarily 43% I cannot fully remember the stats, I even mentioned in that original post that it may not be correct but that it wouldnt surprise me given many men will never masturbate etc either and the apathetic attitude towards sex Ive heard from many women in my life, one of them being my SIL who has never done any sex work at all!

Me and my ex just stopped having sex and then eventually he moved out. There was no massive fight over the kids, no one else involved and we are both still single, i helped him find a flat in the next street and he sees the kids whenever he wants. I haven't met anyone else and neither has he but we are much better apart than living together pretending to be a couple, it just felt like a big lie. We are going on holiday in July with the kids and i have been on his family holiday with all his relatives and he came to blackpool with me and my parents. I don't know how i would feel if he met someone else, i think we would both just accept it tbh but im not sure new partners would accept us being good friends so that complicates things.

I have read the thread properly, I havnt read any long winded posts about some random posters getting dodgy PM's because its got sod all to do with the subject of the thread! What has your personal experience with dodgy emails got to do with the OP's predicament?

You arnt against women being seen as the gatekeepers to sex if you agree men should bend over backwards, do housework and basically earn or buy intimacy off their wivest. Thats pandering to out of date ideas about women's sexuality, in that sex doesnt come from mutual attraction between partners but is something the man earns by buying/doing things for the woman (the idea back then was that women arnt into sex and that it was a mere bargaining tool)

JESUS WEPT I GIVE UP

Someone stated men get a beating online when it comes to these issues because they have it better than women in real life, which is bollocks for the reasons explained in the last post

That'd be me. For clarification, in a like for like situation, I believe when it comes to these issues women do have it worse in real life. But I reiterate, a like for like situation. Not a cosseted middle class first world existence compared to a developing country war torn poverty stricken life.

The point I was trying to make was that people on MN do tend to be dealt with equally be they male or female (not necessarily on a poster-to-poster level I admit). It is more that when they are brought down to earth men have farther to fall than women (metaphorically speaking).

Hope that helps.

22honey you sound delightful you really do.

I actually feel sorry for the dope you are hooked up with, y,ou know the one who does all of the cooking for you.

You don't know anything do you.

You are not a mother and have a fucked up idea of a woman's sexuality

Don't worry about spending time with me.
I wouldn't be mixing in your circles, I actually mix with real men and women.

I havnt read any long winded posts about some random posters getting dodgy PM's because its got sod all to do with the subject of the thread!

How do you know its got sod all to do with it if you haven't read it?!!!