Not had sex for almost two years

[Olliedelondon]

I very much love my DW. Before we had our two children, we had a reasonable sex life, although I would always initiate. But since our children we have had very little sex (once every four months maybe) and nothing at all for now almost two years. My DW says that I am unreasonable in my 'needs' and that I should focus all my attentions on looking after the children. But I think it's destroying our marriage and I'm not prepared to sacrifice a sex life and frankly don't see why I should. I also don't think she fancies me. At all. Am I unreasonable? What should I do? I have 'got by' by using pornography in secret. I have also started fantasising about attractive colleagues, although I have never had an affair. The sexual frustration I feel is almost painful...Help?

I can't answer your last question because I wouldn't let it happen. If I was her I would have discussed this instead of letting myself grow cold and cutting off ALL physical intimacy. I would do this out if respect for myself, my partner and my relationship. The OP cannot be expected to be a mind reader.

My h stopped sleeping with me in 96 We didn't have sex for 7 years before my affair (details in above link) at first I wasn't bothered Why? because he had never given me an orgasm even though in the past id tried to show him how. So I wasn't particularly bothered. After I lost a lot of weight was when I began to question what had been missing.

I know it's pedantic, the point about vaginal orgasms, but I think it's important for everyone to know that it is abnormal for women to feel orgasmic pleasure through penetration, that the clitoris is the pleasure place for women and the crap about g spot and a spot has just trapped many women into crap sex and taught many men how to be crap lovers.

You've reminded me offred of a patient of mine who was convinced she had 'found her g spot'. It turned out to be her cervix.

, I think you are absolutely right, the is getting a totally unsympathetic reception simply because he is a man. Here is direct quote from a recent thread where a wife was unhappy because her DH suffered from ED: 'Go and get yourself a decent fuck elsewhere. At least you'll have been honest about it and if he doesn't like it, tough shit. He'll have to rethink his behaviour to someone who's supposed to be his nearest and dearest'. No other post commented on this advice so I presume that nobody disagreed.

No he can't but I think he could be expected to know one orgasm in 8 years equals an unsatisfying sex life without having talked to her and he could have been expected to have left a long time ago given the sex and communication have been crap for ages. Now it seems like it is probably too late and I find it distasteful that he seems to think it is all her fault - sure doesn't like sex, she just cares for the children, she needs to come to her senses, when obviously he has been part of the unsatisfying relationship too.

Silverlight, I think that's an unfair assumption. It's equally likely that the thread was posted during the dead of night, or that people thought it was a troll and avoided it.

silver it may or may not be like that on this board but AWAY from the internet and the computer screen it is women who are expected to put up and shut up when a marriage is sexless by the mans choice. And when its vice versa in our now pornified culture the man in the sexless marriage seems to get a lot more sympathy even if he decides to go to a prostitute.

offred while you are here I just wanted to say thanks for your support on previous threads and since I wrote that piece ive lost over 2 stone gone from a 22 to a 16 and don't comfort eat anymore.
Im trying to be more responsible for my own happiness and crossing each bridge as I come to it

Erm silverlight that's from a thread where the op's partner had had ED with her for 8 years, she had been sympathetic but discovered he was seeking sex online and messaging on Facebook. She also had some very helpful advice and you selected one tiny bit from one person's post

Here link - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2055161-DH-no-sex-drive-and-MeetMe

Very disingenuous post that.

Glad to hear that dark

Just to be clear that excerpt silverlight posted was taken from cuntybunty and was taken out of context as she was making the point that his cheating could be said to have released the op from her obligation to be faithful. Nothing to do with his ED.

And actually reading that thread through the theme really was predominantly "oh poor man with a clever, articulate, bread winning wife who emasculates him no wonder he can't get it up and is looking for sex with other women and lying to his supportive and lovely wife"

darks i merely read it in womens magazines and online websites and articles for women saying for example '43% of women said they'd never masturbated' and similar. Whether its true or not I don't no, and I never insinuated women hate sex either, bloody hell another word twister.

BOFster I don't think it was a troll, I have seen the author's name on many other posts.

offred actually the op in that thread acknowledged that her husband had not been seeking sex online. The whole tenor of that thread was sympathetic to the woman and hostile to the man, who could scarcely be blamed for having an erectile dysfunction, while in this thread all sympathy is again given to the woman who can't even be bothered to show any affection to her husband. And it's no excuse that she has young children and is knackered all the time, we have all been there and still managed to show affection even if sex took a back seat for awhile.

know*

offred, i feel pleasure from vaginal penetration and theres nothing abnormal about it. Me thinks you have a few insecurities, forgive me if I'm wrong. I never mentioned a G Spot, merely that I orgasm when having penetration, usually during vaginal penetration with DP. I accept it may be something else causing the orgasm, but I still get it through and whilst having vaginal penetration. It is not abnormal lol, it is very pleasurable for both me and DP.

43 % of women have never masturbated.

So 57 % have yes?

In the last issue of Psychologies there was an article about female friendly porn and the continuing rise in popularity of erotic fiction (just want to say I don't class 50 Shades as this) so what mags have you been reading.

So why did you misquote cunty? She said his infidelity NOT his ED gave the op the right to be unfaithful. Why did you present it in a misleading way and why did you pick only one small part of the post.

The op decided to believe her h's very wishy washy excuses about how he came to be signed up for online sex tourism yes. He had still been flirty texting someone else.

Anyway, the thread is there for people to read.

Did you read my posts properly 22, you don't appear to have understood what I was saying.

Not sure what you mean about insecurities about what exactly?

And silver you seem to be missing this point that I've repeatedly made;

the op is absolutely entitle to honest communication from her

What I object to is the inequality and blaminess of his posts when even from his info he is not blameless

If this phrase came up in a magazine article "43 % of men have never masturbated" would you believe it or would you laugh.

The reason you are so ready to believe it is because there is an underlying assumption in society that "nice girls don't" and that women don't like sex and orgasms as much as men. I didn't say that YOU said women don't like sex But the reason you are so ready to believe that statistic you read about women is because of these underlying assumptions.

Good post dark yes and women who are asked are therefore not as likely as men to admit to masturbatig when they do.

exactly silverlight, the OP stated his DW won't even kiss him! I'd feel utterly heartbroken if that was DP refusing to even kiss me for 2 years.

Well yes, but certainly I was (and possibly loris too) thinking if it has got so bad after 8 years of being unsatisfying for both of them that the op's wife now doesn't want any affection I think this is a sign the relationship is not going to recover.