Anyone have or want a old fashioned relationship ? Do men just want to take the lead ,?

[Blossum123]

I'm new so if in the wrong place sorry .
Iv been married 10 years - 2 children . I have worked a lot of hours while bringing the kids up - iv now changed jobs and we have a more traditional role where he is the main wage provider and I'm at home and support him . Our relationship is so much better . I can really see the benifits of a more traditional relationship - anyone found the same ?i love being his wife and taking care of him and in return he does the same x

[hercules1]

You're right, grass

[Blossum123]

Fair enuf

He starts work through the night so wasn't often hear ( put kids older than that now tho)
He's very hands on with kids but housework was a issue - I like it just so .
I do the budget and decided I couldn't afford to go . But then he asked for overtime to cover it

[Creamycoolerwithcream]

if you are happy then don't over think things.

[Offred]

That's terrible advice creamy! Don't think too much about giving another person almost complete control over your life and future?

[pictish]

I agree with grass entirely.

[Fairenuff]

You do seem to have all the answers for him not stepping up with parenting and housework so perhaps this lifestyle is the best for you. Lots of posters are saying fine, if it makes you happy but you are saying you feel guilty.

I'm not sure what it is you want from this thread? It obviously wouldn't suit everyone to live like you do. Many of us would enjoy just going to work and having everything else - childcare, housework, budgeting, etc. was looked after by someone else.

Concentrating on one thing - going to work - is pretty easy isn't it. I don't think he is making any sort of sacrifice for you so not sure why you feel guilty?

[Blossum123]

I have a pension I Transfered my old work contributions to - don't worry I set up the direct debit, it's a government based one as were I work don't have one at mo -I'm not totally daft ! Lol x

[hercules1]

What exactly do your friends say?

[lanbro]

I would consider myself a SAHM and housewife, I do everything and I am generally happy to. However, I also look after the finances and make the decisions on how money is spent. I don't have to ask for extra money for treats but my dh never questions what our money goes on.

Before we had kids it was important to both of us that I would be home for them in the early years, we work together as a team to make that happen, neither one of us is ranked as more important than the other.

[Blossum123]

How do u quote on here ?!

[pictish]

You don't quote here. You c&p and either do bold or itallics to highlight. x

[lollerskates]

Copy and paste the text you want to quote and then put asterisks either side of the quote to bold it or either side to italicise^ it.

[Blossum123]

Hercules 1
My best friend who knows him and me well thinks I'm taking the piss a bit ! But says if he likes it great ur lucky . Enjoy it - I feel guilty really I know I'm doing very little compared to him and have much more free time .
Other friends think I'm nuts and say who wants to b a housewife x

[Blossum123]

Copy and paste the text you want to quote and then put asterisks either side of the quote to bold it or ^ either side to italicise it.
Like this ?

[Blossum123]

Thankyou !!

[Twinklestein]

You were in a job you hated and doing all the housework. Anything is going to be better than that.

You could have switched to a job you really like, but you would still have had to do all the housework, so it seems like you've given up and accepted that housework as your fate.

No doubt this setup is less stressful than your previous life, but an enjoyable job and shared housework would have been less stressful too.

You're in this situation you are because of your husband's refusal to do housework. If he's happier it's hardly surprising, he has manoeuvred you to where he wants you to be. If you're happy to be there that's fine. Personally I would get on with retraining.

[lollerskates]

TBH I think your friends are weird and rude for commenting on your domestic arrangements in the way that they are. It's never occurred to me to voice my opinion on the way my friends arrange their home lives.

[Blossum123]

Why do you want to put yourself in a position where you have to ask him for permission to live?

This isn't about what particular roles you are each fulfilling in the family but your attitude.

I bet he is happier than ever as a 'blokes bloke' with you having his tea on the table and 'letting him take the le


I do the budget and had decided we couldn't afford it / he put over time in because he said he wanted me to go . I deal with all the money always have . I am a girly girl and love make up etc .i like to buy bits . We isn't really bothered as long as he enough to have money left over for a beer in the fridge .he occasionaly buys clothes but his spends are normally on the kids .
He is a typical blokes bloke and yes loves his dinner been ready - he always jokes as long as dinners ready I'm up for sex and there is a beer when he gets in I can have what ever I want - this is a joke but I do think there is a element of truth to it . Since iv not been working as much iv felt more inclined as less stressed .
I posted as I feel guilty and wondered if others do - he isn't a a bad man .he adores me and out daughters . Yes he is quite cave mannish but I married him knowing that .
He devotes all his time to me or the girls lets them paint his nails ! Goes to the park - he only sees his mates when we invite them round .
When iv been poorly he's done the girls hair housework everything without moaning ( it's not to my standard but hey ) u seem to of given the impression he bully's me? He doesn't he's clear what he wants but if I had had a nightmare day he wouldn't moan about tea not been done - but I know he prefaire s it when it is !

[Blossum123]

I am retraining really looking forward to it -
He will do housework but not to my standard ( I think his standards r low in this area!)
He isn't bothered if I don't do the housework but I like it done x

[Blossum123]

We did have a cleaner for a bit but it's tidying really and they can't arrange and tidy stuff - so that didn't work x

[Blossum123]

Thankyou all I feel less guilty now ! I don't think I'm hard done by but feel less guilt . I am enjoying lots of free time and if all he wants is his tea in return for doing a 14 hr day with travel - I'm quite happy . Thankyou xxx
Happy Easter xx

[Fairenuff]

as long as dinners ready I'm up for sex and there is a beer when he gets in I can have what ever I want - this is a joke but I do think there is a element of truth to it

I think this is what some posters have been picking up on. But, hey, he's a blokey bloke and you're a girly girl so sounds like a match made in heaven

[Blossum123]

We are happy there is no doubt with that - I just felt guilty -will try not 2! X

[SweetErmengarde]

This sounds perilously like that "Surrendered Wife" gubbins to me....

[FastLoris]

Traditional gender stereotypes aside, I can see why having one partner concentrating on earning money and the other concentrating on children and home stuff could have advantages. The first can be more focused, freer to take whatever job opportunities come up etc, and potentially earn more for the whole family's benefit. And the second can be more focused on the kids, properly there for all their needs both practical and emotional, and so on.

DW and I probably have the most equal and gender-neutral marriage it's possible to have. We both work freelance at almost-full-time hours, and arrange our contracts and business to share being here in the mornings to get the kids to school, and in the afternoons to be here with them, take them to clubs etc. At the moment she probably works slightly longer hours and I do slightly more with the kids, but that varies over time with changing work situations and needs.

But TBH, there are times when I think I'd be happier for her to go properly full time and me to be a SAHD. It's hard to make the most of employment and earn proper money when you've got to be home by 3.00 rather than 6 or 7, and I find myself less effective and involved with the kids when I've just done a hard day's work. There's a lot to be said for choosing one and doing it properly.

I suppose the flipside of that is that traditional family structures can lead to marriage partners not understanding each others' lives and feeling anything in common with each other apart from the kids. So it's horses for courses I suppose. Whatever works for you.