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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Dating Thread 73.

999 replies

MadeMan · 19/04/2014 12:09

Hello and welcome.

OP posts:
louby44 · 20/04/2014 16:06

dolly lol my whole body needs sorting out, removal of hair, dry skin etc....

It's scary stuff DTD!! But after those first few times it can be fab...but I am utterly terrified!

Original poster
MadeMan · 20/04/2014 16:16

"...my whole body needs sorting out, removal of hair, dry skin etc...."

You make it sound like a Malteser rolling under the fridge.

OP posts:
louby44 · 20/04/2014 16:38

Lol MadeMan...it will be a BIG job.

And then there's the upkeep....Grin

dontcallmehon22 · 20/04/2014 17:15

Ok. After my holiday this week I'm sending this email:

Geeky.
Obviously time has passed and I've had a chance to reflect and perhaps you have too. I respect your decision, but I regret the way things ended between us. I wondered whether you'd like to meet for a quick chat somewhere to clear the air. I wish you the best,
Dontcallme

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 20/04/2014 17:23

But why, Dont? Why do you really want to meet up with him? Surely the only reason to meet up is to try and get back with him? It's certainly not to 'clear the air' because he was the one who dirtied the air, not you.

Meeting him will make you want to be with him again and I fear you'll just end up back at square one, being treated like shit, then having to get over him all over again, from scratch. Why put yourself through that pain?

dontcallmehon22 · 20/04/2014 17:25

But maybe now things have calmed down we might have a chance? I can't get over him. I've tried and tried and tried.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 20/04/2014 17:39

You might as well send him a message saying 'Geeky, You treated me like utter shit and were emotionally abusive to me. I just didn't get enough of that the first time around, so let's meet so we can discuss how you can crap all over me a second time.'

It's not been that long since the split, so you need more time to get over him. What you don't need, is to return to him for more bad treatment. Your experience last night has most likely heightened your emotions today which is understandable, but don't make a snap decision based on one experience with one other man that you might be regretting today.

It's your decision of course, none of us can stop you sending that message and you know what? I might be proved wrong and you might live happily ever after with him. However I fear you'll be playing right into his hands here. If he was truly sorry and wanted to make it up to you, he'd have contacted you before now and made huge efforts to demonstrate how sorry he is. He hasn't. He isn't sorry.

dontcallmehon22 · 20/04/2014 17:42

But maybe I was wrong to call him emotionally manipulative?

Jarlin · 20/04/2014 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 20/04/2014 17:47

Welcome new ODers.
Dont....Im very much an 'I need closure' person, so understand your need to meet geeky. I missed the whole reason you separated as I was having a busy time at work and wasnt on the board much.Sorry. But maybe meeting him will allow you to see if there is still a spark or whether its time for you to move on.

After a barrage of 'sexts' from MrNumber4 this week, and desperate to meet me, I asked if he was free last night. No reply. Today he sends a jolly little text with no mention of why he never replied. If he wasnt so damn hot, Id tell him where to get off!

Had a family day out with kids and my ex today. I still love him but its not reciprocated. I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday with us and he said he wasnt sure. Im such a mug. If I had someone special I wouldnt be chasing him!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 20/04/2014 17:52

He clearly was Dont. Maybe go back a few threads and re-read what an absolute arsehole he was. I think you need a reminder.

dontcallmehon22 · 20/04/2014 18:16

I can't see that he was worse than me? I behaved badly too.
Toryboy and Westminster guy both texting. Meeting geeky lookalike next week. This all feels like such a mess.

UrsulaBuffay · 20/04/2014 18:23

I don't think we can know really what someone is like, whatever happened happened though and it's sort of spoiled no matter who is in the wrong unfortunately. I don't think a new relationship can ever really recover once shit has hit the fan. Even a long term one will struggle.

Flora I feel for you, right now I'm convinced my ex was the man I should be with. He's moved on and I have been stuck in the circle of OD for almost a year.

The only way out is through.

dontcallmehon22 · 20/04/2014 18:26

I think it's worth a try though.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 20/04/2014 18:36

Ursula...thanks. My ex wasnt a great partner but lately he has been really good company. He doesnt have anyone else, he says he wants us to to be close friends (not sex) and spend time as a family. Life is better not living with him tbh, but Im beginning to thinkhe wasnt that bad given the guys Ive dated recently!

dippinmytoe · 20/04/2014 18:48

dont it's entirely up to you what you do ... but you are crazy to even contemplate trying again with geeky. . I gave followed tge tgread from before your initial meeting. Heartache is awful .. 10 months down the line , despite hating my husband's guts and crying right now. .. ( my birthday tomorrow and he bought nothing for me from my daughter's; even brought them home a day early) I would not have him back at all.. I'm still upset but realistic. . He treated me like shite !!

UrsulaBuffay · 20/04/2014 18:53

Yes Flora it's definitely the comparison with some of the men I've met too, better the devil you know in a lot of ways. It was me who instigated the split and I'm having a real time of it beating myself up.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 20/04/2014 19:22

Ursula...yes, the better the devil you know scenario fits with me too. However, Im generally a cup half full person and I fear I only remember the good times. It takes a good friend to remind me of the crap he put me through.
Im currently going through a phase of not bothering with any man and turning to chocolate.

SuperFlyHigh · 20/04/2014 19:23

dont I can see why you want closure and another chance (I had the possible talk/meet up stuff with Kent Lad). But Geeky could very easily use you sexually and emotionally. He'd see you're vulnerable right now.

I don't know much about Geeky but I think he'd try to manipulate you which isn't good. OLD is never easy but it seems you're halfheartedly dating other guys all the time with your eye on Geeky so no man will ever compare!

fiftyandfab · 20/04/2014 19:35

I've reignited my POF profile (had to tone it down somewhat, what an arrogant bitch I was 5 years ago!!) Updated profile pic (think this one's better than the one back then!) and was amused to see I'd knocked 5 years off back then!!

Today Match has produced the usual shite, and I seem to have a local stalker....he winks at me many times EVERY day, what's that all about?

Had quite a few messages from POF, one said I'm prettier than most 'girls' on there (ha ha, wait for it) so I thought GET IN fifty!!! Clicked on his profile and almost PV'd (new acronym for projectile vomited/ing) over my keyboard. 68 years old FFS Shock

(Actually, laughing at myself for being ageist, after complaining about being on the receiving end of the very same thing!!)

Getting bloody pissed off with all the alerts for zero, zilch nada....haven't had anyone remotely attractive or interesting contact me. My profiles on both sites are very different (the pic is really the only common denominator) so that can't be it. Perhaps I'm deluded and past it?!

gets out bottle of gin and logs onto eBay to order long purple clothes and cats

UrsulaBuffay · 20/04/2014 19:38

Hahaha I know it well Flora, think I've gained a good 6lb since deciding OD men are mostly annoying.

dontcallmehon22 · 20/04/2014 19:48

Super I feel that I'd rather have anything from him than nothing at all.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 20/04/2014 19:48

Fifty...dont give up. My colleague is 55 and gets lots of male attention. On work nights out she is a man magnet. You sound very attractive...now go change your settinhs to 'no pensioners may apply' and start messaging guys you fancy, no matter their age. I bet you have success :0)

Ursula...lol...me too. Need to start running again!!

fiftyandfab · 20/04/2014 20:01

Thanks Flora. I think I need to be more proactive, just don't want to appear desperate. And as someone recently said upthread, they do appear not to read past the age, which is why I think only pensioners are viewing me. Perhaps if I'm more proactive, and send interesting messages, they'll see my pic, and get past the age! And respond!!

Don't, I missed the circumstances of how you split with geeky, but your willingness to accept crumbs from him doesn't sit well with me. If you feel strong enough to cope with the potential bad repercussions from sending that text, do it. But know that you may end up feeling ten times worse for it.

Oh, and I've also done the dating the lookey likey....the poor guy's on a hiding to nothing as he'll just be a disappointment. He might look like geeky, but never will be geeky, don't try and recreate geekygate! Sending Wine

4free · 20/04/2014 20:08

dont maybe u should take a break from dating altogether? just so you can get your head together and give yourself some space. Personally i dont think geeky is the one for you, he didn't treat you with the respect you deserve...but ultimately the decision is yours, just be prepared mentally, just in case it doesn't turn out the way u would like.