The Dating Thread 73.

[MadeMan]

Hello and welcome.

Doorbell, I'm just catching up on this thread, so apologies if you have explained this before. How did you spot / identify the sex offenders??

I'm hating OLD but have started chatting with one guy. He seems really quite nice and normal (and the only guy so for who is completely unphased by me having small children). However, he does seem very keen to get to meet me - not for an hour or so, but for a weekend + (to be fair he lives a fair way away, so meeting fir a couple of hours would be tricky). Very unsure whether to meet with him or not...

Hmmm, you know what's the point of meeting him! It's not going to be practical in the long run. Unless your looking for as use, in which case go on! But not for a weekend, maybe meet half way?

Casual, not 'as use' stupid ipad.

jarlin Just say 'it has put me off you saying you're thinking of working abroad for a couple of years'

I'm seeing someone in his mid-twenties and his friend met up for a date with someone who he liked on first impressions, but on the first date she went on to say she was thinking of going travelling. This is a good-looking young man with a good job etc. He didn't see her again for that reason. You won't come across as needy if you say that. It's just normal for anyone dating...you'd discount someone like that straightaway. It would raise your value in his eyes as a high worth lady. If you're willing to put up with him saying that, it means you'll put up with a lot.

How rude of him to say that out loud and not expect a reaction from you. Actually, he probably did expect a reaction! He must think you're weird/don't like him!

Say it shocked you and has made you reassess. He's obviously not on the same page so you think you might have to part ways. See what he says to that.

I'd ask about the travelling only. Deal only with facts. Don't make presumptions about what it might mean. Ask him questions in a curious interested way. It's way more productive when you're seeking answers.
If you need a technique, I like to use the rate out of ten technique. Then ask why isn't the number higher or lower than the one they give.

Then you can reassess once you've found out how serious. I often talk about wanting to go travelling. But not in any serious way. Pipe dream I guess. But I wouldn't want to rule it out.

Where would you like to work abroad?
Why that particular place?
What opportunities are there?
Have you applied for any jobs? (Stay calm!)
How long for? Has he thought about emigrating?

Basically take all the emotion out of it. Ask questions as you would of a friend. If you feel yourself getting upset, go to the loo, have a drink.

It means his guard is down if he feels that you're not giving him a hard time. And he'll be more honest hopefully.

Then once you've heard enough, let it all out

What were his answers? How serious was he?

Guess that's what you have to assess, is it just random thinking or is he serious. is the kind of work he is looking for the type that you can find abroad. What languages does he speak? To a good standard? Ask him about his job hunt.

If he is serious make a statement that for you it's over if he lives abroad. Leave it there.

I would say he won't get a job in Europe then. And he's ruled out further. I'm pleased you've made a decision about your next steps. That's the hard part.

Jarlin I think perhaps he was testing how you see things by saying about abroad, maybe he wanted to see where you think it's headed?

OK - I've got a question and I'd love to hear what others think about this. I find a bloke attractive (online dating) and after I'd viewed his profile, he viewed mine then winked at me. I am at the very top of his 'required' age range and, although the youngest isn't that young, it just makes me feel old and that I'm only just about acceptable, IYKWIM. I don't know whether to wink/email back... would this put others off or would you tend to steer clear? I've ranted on another thread about this but it does irritate me that men almost always look for women much younger/just up to their age group. Obviously I do realise it's up to the men concerned what they're looking for though!

I've only just started on line so don't really know. For me, it would depend how young he states he wants. So there was a guy I was looking at, age 44, his range was 25-45. I ruled him out. Depends what your comfortable with.

You could wink back, but don't invest?

Why given up brokenhearted?

I've just taken the plunge - is a lot of fun at the moment, like shopping!

I'll join you all on the dating thread 74