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Original poster

The Dating Thread 73.

999 replies

MadeMan · 19/04/2014 12:09

Hello and welcome.

OP posts:
louby44 · 19/04/2014 22:09

It's the same - Plenty of Fish is POF. I like the chat facility on there. I've chatted to loads of guys!

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 22:15

ok thanks louby. I've seen it stated on MN that they're 2 different sites, thought not!

OK I might re-register and see how it goes....kinda thought free sites attracted the 'worst' types, but my recollection of the last time is favourable Smile

Am still flabbergasted at the 'quality' so far on Match. I have a theory...do you think that guys think we're desperate if we've paid to subscribe? I'd have thought it would have painted me as more discerning if anything?! Confused

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 22:37

I've been reading the baggage reclaim site and have realised that all most of my communications with my guy are by text, and she's right, it IS a lazy form of communication and a reason why relationships don't progress.

I must admit I don't like talking on the phone...I get worried about running out of things to say and that he will think I am boring. I remember he was on holiday a while back and I got a missed call and voicemail from him saying he would try again in 30 mins. I felt so panicked! It's because we had never spoken on the phone before! I realise now this is weird.

Text gives you time to think and come up with a witty response. But I realise that the people I have deep satisfying relationships with, I don't hesitate to pick up the phone and speak to regularly. So I have started doing this with my guy. And he has started phoning me too. And I feel we're getting closer because of it.

Any thoughts?

louby44 · 19/04/2014 22:43

I don't like talking on the phone, it's easier to text, particularly if you have kids and busy at home.

I don't think it's lazy, it's just the way of the world. As long as you communicate well when you're together I don't think it matters.

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 22:46

Completely agree mychild. However when I read BR I started to think my 'relationship' was dysfunctional too! Gave him shit, then on reflection, I realised it actually suited me the way it was. I don't want a conventional relationship!

So I stopped doing what others expected....reverted back to doing what I've been doing, and...guess what, I was happy again!

Moral of the story is, if it aint broke, don't fix it! Grin

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 22:47

My only caveat is that it's been less frequent of late, and that pleases me NOT!!

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 22:50

By frequent, I meant the physical, not the text/chat! Smile

Oh the bloody neighbours are at it again with the loud, bass, dancy shite....gonna be long night Sad

whitedoorbell · 19/04/2014 22:56

oh dear just had my first wobble with this whole dating thing.
had conversation with baldy about contraception.... I then led onto what is he looking for etc. Basically said not up for friends with benefits. .. I can't do it. I get too emotionally involved.
so I said where I am is that he and I carry on to see how things go but won't be meeting up witb anyone else at the moment. this was all dobe by text... so ge replied saying he agreed but that if either if us wanted to meet up with anyone else just to put a face to a name... like a date zero thing then that would be ok.

so I went into hyperdrive thinking he was a player and an arsehile thinking I should tell him to stick it.
calmed down a bit and phoned him and he was super nice saying that he is very happy with us getting to know each other but he said that he wouldn't stop me if I wanted to answer messages etc from anyone else.

I said I was happy to stick with him for the time being to see where it goes. he was really relieved saying he was really happy with that.
trouble is that really threw me. I thought I was just having fun and keeping an open mind. But this has shown me that there is a real danger of getting hurt and emotionally attached
so ladies is this common for men to hedge their bets and not wear their heart on their sleeve?

sorry rambling... v v tired!
long and the short of it is that I kind of scared myself thinking I could play the field but not sure I can. part of me wants to end it now before I get hurt and part of me wants to take a chance and see what happens. .. any advice on keeping sane and not allowing yourself to be tok vulnerable?

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 22:57

louby I agree, it IS easier when you've got kids/are busy. Also, I don't want my kids knowing I'm dating, so it's more discreet- or so I thought. Today I got a text and my youngest said 'let me guess who it's from, Mum...is it X?' I asked how he knew and he said 'because you text each other a lot!' Blush.

fifty that's what I thought...it suits us, but I must admit I noticed how often he spoke on the phone to his friends and thought 'how come he never rings ME?'

I'm startiing to like talking to him on the phone, and I do feel closer to him bc of it. Before, I felt a bit awkward, wondering if I was disturbing him just randomly ringing, but now I think well he'll ring back when convenient just like any other friend of mine. I'm weird. Confused

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 22:59

white what was the contraception convo?

whitedoorbell · 19/04/2014 23:04

just something we were discussing last night when we were together. I mentioned having a coil but wanted to use condoms to begin with amd then get tested to check for std's etc... was slightly random. kind of was me fishing to see what he thought about thw whole thing and seeing if he would volunteer to get tested

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 23:06

mychild no you're not weird at all, and it's great that you're now chatting on the phone. Seriously I'M the weird one, I have actively discouraged him from calling me, it pisses me off getting a random phone call!! I think I'm a control freak

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 23:08

Brill. I wish more people would have that talk. I did with my guy, but felt so awkward and apologetic about it. It doesn't make sense when you think about it Confused.

wrt the date zero thing, I think that's him saying he will still be on sites searching. You sound like you don't want that for either of you. God, online dating has made this shit so hard!

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 23:11

fifty can I just say you're amusing me with your insights from OLD. You sound like lots of fun Grin

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 23:13

Why IS it so hard to meet people in real life?

How the hell does anybody get together? How did they do it before OLD? Confused

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 23:14

And OLD has complicated things by introducing the sweet trolley mentality! Confused

Hormonalhell · 19/04/2014 23:20

Fifty, I changed my age to 38 (I'm 42) as was fed up of old men messaging me and I get on better with younger people. Took me 4 dates with MrKids to tell him and he was quite angry with me Shock

He still makes little references to it and tells everyone how I duped him!

whitedoorbell · 19/04/2014 23:25

my child I may be naive... but I don't actually think he is a player but I think he is afraid of commitment. I mean scared of finding the right person etc.
I told him that I wasn't interested in meeting anyone else at all. he then backtracked saying that ge wouldn't stop me. that made me a bit cross so I told him damn right I will do what I like Grin
I said that I would appreciate that if he wanted to meet somekbe else for date zero that he would show some respect and tell me... didn't add that then I would tell him to fuck off and enjoy it Grin
he then said he is very happy to carry on as we are and just see how things go.
part of me is very happy about that because I don't really want to rush into a full on serious relationship. am very wary after last 2 disasters. and also now I know I can just enjoy it and go with the flow.
I guess the problem is wondering what the other person is thinking. what if they only want to shag and you want marriage and kids etc.
so at least I know. hope that makes some sense!

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 23:26

ha ha mychild I can tell you it was never hard, back in the day, I was fighting them off! Now, well I have no social life, pisses me off at the 'looks' I get, usually in ASDA when they're with wifey, .....but anyway, they're usually 10 years younger but have clearly had a harder paper round!

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 23:28

hormonal I feel your pain Wink

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 23:29

a fucking number on a birth certificate DOES NOT define us!!!

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 23:31

fifty I never notice looks. It's usually my youngest saying 'mum, that man keeps looking at you!' But the little tinker is trying to marry me off for some reason

You're obviously a very attractive woman. Have you read Matthew Hussey's book yet?

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 23:32

hormonal don't blame you for changing your age. Our society is so ageist.

fiftyandfab · 19/04/2014 23:35

mychild no I haven't read it, I read the Baggage Reclaim stuff and it actually gave me issues that I never had!

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 19/04/2014 23:42

The MH book is about how to meet guys in every day life. I agree with what you said about the BR site, but I think it would be useful for people holding on to 'relationships' with losers.