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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Dating Thread 73.

999 replies

MadeMan · 19/04/2014 12:09

Hello and welcome.

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffay · 28/04/2014 14:08

I have finished things before they really start with the guy I was sort of seeing. I feel terrible because I know what it's like to be on the other end of that text :(

Bloody hell Don't!

Original poster
MadeMan · 28/04/2014 14:47

"It's obvious to a man, when a woman fancies him, isn't it? "

Not particularly. Maybe more so in a club/pub/party environment, but not generally in day-to-day life. Unless perhaps he's the sort of man (pickup artist) that just walks around the high street all day chatting up loads of women and asking where they bought their nice shoes.

OP posts:
dontcallmehon22 · 28/04/2014 14:49

It's always best to let them know at least though Ursula. Never nice to send that text though. I'll have to do it with Toryboy.

I know. I just felt it was more authentic to my feelings anyway.

dontcallmehon22 · 28/04/2014 15:05

I checked. No reply. He's not going to is he? Feel humiliated.

dontcallmehon22 · 28/04/2014 15:20

I think it's quite cruel not to reply really. I feel like crying. And deleting all our Paris photos. Mind you, he knew I used mmumsnet. If he's read some of the stuff I put on here he probably hates my guts.

UrsulaBuffay · 28/04/2014 15:35

Thanks Don't, still feel poo he hasn't replied either but has read it. He's quite damaged already I can tell and I just don't have the headspace for that unfortunately. Feel like I'm never bloody happy.

UrsulaBuffay · 28/04/2014 15:35

Give it time I'm sure he'll need to think what to say and get over the surprise of receiving your message

dontcallmehon22 · 28/04/2014 15:40

It's hard. I will wait - I guess even if he did reply he'd have to think about it. Feel like a deranged stalker!

Scarey123 · 28/04/2014 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UrsulaBuffay · 28/04/2014 15:58

Hahaha apple need to patent that mechanism

Santaclaws · 28/04/2014 16:27

Haven't been on here in several weeks now although I have scanned quickly a few times. I'm sorry but I've almost totally lost track of what's going on. Thread moves really quickly and there are are many new people here but I recognise several old names too.

Just to give those of you who know me an update, things are going well with Bricky. The relationship seems to be deepening and I feel so happy with him, I think it's safe to say he feels the same. We went away last weekend and he told me he loved me, I suppose it's quite soon after 3 months but he certainly treats me as though he lives me.

We had our first little tiff last night though. I asked his opinion on something quite personal about me and even though I know the answer wasn't unreasonable I was shocked at how upset I was at the reply, in fact I had a little cry, I couldn't stop myself. Well he was absolutely devastated and so scared it might have ruined us. He couldn't have been more apologetic such a difference from my EA ex who would've shouted at me " well if you don't like the answer don't ask the fucking question" or something similar. Bricky took it all on board as being entirely his fault and I just love him even more :)

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 16:29

Hello all

Well I've not heard from him again today. His flight was at 3.30. It's about 3 hours but then he's got a long train journey back home.

I'm currently experiencing the Schroedinger's Cat of emails. I opened this tab and the email one at the same time, but haven't checked my emails.

So, as it currently stands, he has both sent me an email and not sent me one.

Had a few nice texts on Friday, a couple on Saturday and nothing since Saturday night.

So reasons are: He's having such a great time that he hasn't given me a second thought; he's 'with' someone else and hasn't given me a second thought; he got really drunk and lost his phone.

None of those are particularly great.

I started a new job today too. He knows, it's why I came home earlier than him. But not even a 'good luck in your new job' message. Even my exH managed to send me one of those!

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 16:32

Just checked. He hasn't emailed.

To be honest, I think if I was with my friends, partying and getting a little bit tipsy, I'd probably send someone I loved a message letting them know I was thinking about them.

Not looking good, is it? Sad

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 17:14

I wish I had the strength to just be single.

Actually, it's not about 'strength' - I can't face that deafening silence and inpenetratable loneliness once the children have gone to bed and I'm all alone in the world. I just want, once, to be truly loved by someone. Just once. I want someone who really cares about me. Just. Once.

You must either really really like him or you're an incredibly nice person! It's both, I think. I do really like him, but I am a really nice person. There was so much anger and bitterness and misery and meanness in my marriage, I do just want to love and be loved and I do really try to be nice.

Clearly, more than that, though, I'm a fucking idiot. Sad

Chip shop for tea I think. Who gives a shit.

He said he'd tell me if he was unfaithful. I wonder if he will...

SuperFlyHigh · 28/04/2014 17:22

Folk - I really think you are overthinking this and worrying too much...

step away from the emails - as Why Don't You said "get off the sofa and do something more interesting instead".

and dont - you know he was a wrong un and not very nice sometimes (or respectful) so I know this sounds harsh but maybe you need to feel this pain now, so he gets out of your system. is Wine a bad idea? Smile

Scarey I totally agree with your 4 pointer re electronic devices but easier said than done to put into practice. what did we do before phones/internet/post etc?!

SuperFlyHigh · 28/04/2014 17:22

sorry Folk that meant to have a Smile or Flowers (we don't really do that that much on this thread but what the heck).

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 17:26

I think the other thing I'm beginning to realise is that, whether he is trustworthy or not is largely irrelevent.

I don't think I am able to trust anymore.

I wonder if I just won't hear from him again.
I wonder if he'll get in touch and there'll be a perfectly reasonable explanation that renders all my fears null and void.
I wonder if he'll phone me and tell me that he's really sorry but he met someone.
I wonder if he'll tell me the truth or not.
I wonder if I'll believe him anyway.

I keep going back over things he's said and wondering why he'd bother having said them if he didn't mean them. But you're always reading on here of men who look their wives in the eye and just lie to them; reassure and convince them. Just why?

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 17:28

Thanks super Sad

Which rule is it that says this is supposed to be fun..?

That's the thing, I would do, but tonight, I don't have anything more interesting than laundry to do. Hmm

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 17:34

dont If he doesn't reply at all, I think that will be the closure you need anyway.

He was a dick. You deserve better. Your message sounds reasonable and reasoned. And, as much as I advised against getting in touch, I can see why you did it. I hope he does reply and you get the closure you want/need.

But if not, then you may have to take this as it.

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 17:37

Santa so pleased to hear it's going well with Bricky. That's fantastic news Smile

BeforeAndAfter · 28/04/2014 17:52

Folk I do agree with Super that you're worrying too much but I also think a new job text or e-mail would have been a nice touch. In your shoes I'd have been constantly checking for that good luck message too. On the new job note I hope your first day was great! I'm loving the idea of Schroedinger's Messages by the way.

Don't I don't blame you in contacting Geeky, to be honest. You've held out long enough and he's clearly under your skin. I do think that lots of what you posted here about him seemed a bit grim but we post such a tiny facet of our lives on here that only you know the whole picture. I hope you don't get hurt further but at least you'll know for sure one way or the other and sometimes that's all that matters; doubt, second guessing and not knowing are draining.

There is definitely scope for "Scarey's" app. When you're feeling vulnerable you could activate it and each time you pick up the phone or go to contact him the app would generate a pearl of wisdom from the Viper's Nest ...

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 17:59

Thanks. I suppose in my head whatever he's doing is more interesting than me and whoever he's doing it with is more beautiful than me. Both of which, to be fair, is likely to be true!

I think it's more that, ordinarily I'd have heard from him by now because I haven't texted him either and I have always found that a lack of communication on my part has elicited greater communcation on his.

Except for now.

I probably am over thinking it. I deliberately haven't texted him because I don't want to annoy/disturb him when he's away having fun with his friends, or come across as clingy or needy Hmm

But he hasn't even sent me a "getting on the plane now" text or anything. So at no point since Saturday night has he been on his own and thought about me once. That's what it boils down to.

Blossomflowers · 28/04/2014 18:01

Hi all, have been off this thread for a couple of weeks, just found it all to much, lost the enthusiam for it all. Also X has been around quite a lot and in one way feel a bit guilty about OLD. Not that I should. Will try a read some of this thread tonight to catch up.

Wantmylifeback · 28/04/2014 18:21

Hey can I join the thread. Just dipped my toes in OD and had my first date proper today. (Both previous relationships were friends first) went well I think but need to wait and see.

Is it normal to be racked with nerves? Lol think I was less nervous on my driving test!

whitedoorbell · 28/04/2014 18:23

santa bricky sounds lovely... does he have an unattached brothers?

if so please send them my way. I had 2 different EA exs and totally get what you meant Smile

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