The Dating Thread 73.

[MadeMan]

Hello and welcome.

I'm pretty certain he did, folk.

Shit.

Thanks don't and folk ! But FGS I am in my forties... Just wish I'd practised on someone I wasn't so keen on first...

Scarey I'm going to think about it carefully. But there is the danger he could hurt me afresh. I don't know. Maybe if I approach it, not as wanting to get back together, but to get answers from him about WHY he did what he did? My brother thinks he sounds like he has a personality disorder.

Just remembered I was telling Toryboy about Geekyalike and how he was after kinky sex. I said: 'It's like ice cream. If the original is really good quality you don't need extra sprinkles.'

jarlin I am in the same space with smallfeet, I am determined not to say those 3 little words first!! I am not even 100% sure I would say them back, sometimes I think I do love him and then he will do something annoying I'm not so sure!!

I don't think I am particularly insecure though, I don't think I am Gods gift to men but I don't think I am unattractive either iyswim, smallfeet keeps telling me I am beautiful but I find it all a bit.... cringy!!

I think I feel secure in the fact that he likes me a lot and is unlikely to do anything that would jeopardise that. However I still find myself constantly doubting if he is the 'one'

"you'd be surprised at what no nos you can do on a first date"

Are you impersonating the Russians again Dont?

To those of you saying "you never look back" if you catch a handsome man looking your way, you really do need to try and look back at them if you're attracted; even if you blush bright red and start giggling or something. Otherwise it just looks like you really, really aren't interested in the man and you'll probably feel disappointed and kicking yourself later. Just look back quickly and then away again if you feel embarrassed, but do look back.

Also, if any of you think men are staring/looking at you because there's something wrong with you, then you just have to convince yourself that it's because you look fantastic and not because your skirt is tucked into your knickers. If it later turns out that you did actually have your skirt in your knickers then fair enough, but you shouldn't be assuming at first that that's the only reason men are looking at you.

Thought I'd come and join you all here. I've been single for the last year and a half I guess, complicated situation which briefly goes that I have a disability and need help, he has his own room here, we're best friends which has made it weird splitting up but had to be done really.

Been using a website and Tinder for about a month or so, met three men from them, which has been really nice. The latest one I met last week and meeting him again in the morning. He's absolutely lovely, felt like I was talking to myself a lot (not in the bad way ), I'm going to start taking him to work with me from next week. I didn't really go online to look for a new relationship because that just sounded incredibly complicated but I could see this going well.

I really should be going to bed but I need to swap the washing machine over when it's finished so I have clothes to go out in! I'll catch up a bit with the thread when I'm not so flippin' tired!

Geekyalike still emailing. Told him to get lost. His persistence is scary.

morning all

can I join the insecure club???

yesterday was such a shitty day. I felt so crap and nobody to turn to. I just sat there crying for at least an hour. in the end I rang the samaritans just to talk to someone.
to be clear I have friends but didnt feel able to ring them. felt too vulnerable.

the samaritans guy was just lovely anf we went over the whole thing.

then when I felt calmer I rang my friend. she said it is baldy who has set this all off. she is right. I am terrified pf getting hurt. terrified that he doesn't really like me. terrified of taking a chance...

I was ready to call the whole thing off becauae I couldn't handle feeling so vulnerable.

I slept on it and this morning got up early and got my shit together. I have written a to do list for the week and scheduled lots if time for me. I have sent email to book a massage and texr some friends to meet up and have some fun for me. and now I feel better.

I also realised that I don't want to go thru life too afraid to take a chance... so I am going to try with baldy... go with it and see what happens. if it all comes to nothing at least I tried and I had fun.

I also realised that I need to stop listening to other people's opinions. unless you are here with me taking a chance, then I am not interested in your opinion.
so when my sister says she thinks online dating is a bad idea and I should ditch baldy then I say to her... you aren't living my life. you aren't putting yourself out there. so shut up and go away
does that make any sense?

in the meantime haven't heard from baldy since yesterday morning. think he was out with mates. don't know what ti do... juat leave it for now or text to try to arrange something? we spoke about it and can't fit it in thos week due ti work and kids... then he has plans Saturday. should I suggest something for the week after? or leave the ball in his court?

White, I would leave texting him until tomorrow and then tomorrow text him. Not sure what you should say as I don't know how firm a commitment to meet again you made but you could say something like , hi are we still on for meeting again, so we can sort a time out? That way it seems kind of a casual request iyswim.

I'm not sure what I'm doing, date no3 went well and we've agreed to date no4. Date no3 had lots of kissing, which after 20 yrs of only kissing the same person was nice but strange. We agreed that for the time being neither of us would see anyone else. Not because it's all serious but because it was both our first time at dating since our marriages broke down and we thought it would be less complicated.
Im confused though! I'm not sure if I like him enough to see a long term relationship in it. I like him, we chat lots and he has a lovely personality, but he's so physically different to what I like. I'm not sure if it's because he feels so different or if deep down its because I know he's not for me.
I don't know if I should just enjoy the moment for what it is and stop analysing my feelings or decide it won't go anywhere and end it.

Is anyone around to talk some sense into me? I can't sleep, I can't think straight, I can't do anything useful... all I do is look out the window and think about this man who I have an enormous crush on. I just can't think about anything else. I have no idea what he feels about me. We don't really know each other very well. All I know is that I have to have sex with him, or anything. I cannot think about anything else. As far as I know he's single. So am I. Is it possible for me to be totally besotted with him... and for him to just see me as a friend? It's obvious to a man, when a woman fancies him, isn't it?
What the am I going to do?

Well, I'll pop back later. That was post 666. Yikes.

canihave yes I totally get what you are saying.

I pushed baldy to agree we wouldn't see anyone else and now I seem to have cold feet cos it feels serious... well I mean you can't distract yourself with anyone else and I am shit scared.
also know what you mean about it feeling so different. I found it gets easier. you need to relax and just enjoy it I think

have now booked massage for Thursday. will hold off and text him tomorrow about next week

Hi All, Folk Glad you had a lovely time. You seem so pragmatic and grounded. I totally get what you say about enjoying the here and now of a great love affair even if it isn't forever. If nothing else, it's all so romantic.

Dont sounds like a lucky escape from Geeky-a-alike. If he continues to contact you, its harassment. Tell him you will report him for it. I also think you feel you still need closure. Something about those last few days and the ambiguity of his actions over that time meant you didn't feel that everything was totally resolved. This of course could have been a cunning ploy and more manipulation on his part, but ho hum.

I have never been good at spotting if a guy fancies me. Friends and family would have to tell me, even then I wouldn't believe it.

Mr Contradiction being lovely and I am trying to just chill over it. It will either end in happiness or end in tears, reminding myself that the outcome is at least 50% under my control. Mr BoatMan is very nice, interesting, well read and we have much in common, but I'm just not feeling it. No spark. Having dinner this week for a second viewing. Talking to an art dealer who wants me to go to an exhibition with him, he seems very nice, maybe more my sort. But really do like Mr C, I am under his spell but too nervous to pin all my hopes on him. He is quite immature despite being older than me. He also does this annoying thing where he tries to analyse me and us. I wish he would stop second guessing me and just speak his own mind, I speak mine and communication becomes more straight forward.

panic over...baldy text me. so all is well.
bit gutted can't find a suitable time to meet up until at least next week... never mind. .. will have to wait and see

I messaged geeky. I asked for a chat. I said I've no agenda, but as things ended so badly I'm struggling to move on. I said I'd like to clear the air and also get answers to some questions I have. I said I was ok with the fact that the answers may be painful to hear. I'm shaking now.

omg don't

what will you do if he says he wants to try again?
will you be able to say no?

to be fair... if I was in your shoes I would probably have done it already. I have zero will power and am very impulsive.

so i can understand what you are doing but please don't set yourself up for a fall xx

No I wouldn't say no. I love him. But I need closure.

I sent it from a new account so he'd definitely read it and not just see it was from me and delete. I won't check it till I feel strong enough. I just think, all this dating and partying and drinking is me running away from my feelings and that's never going to work. This way I'm being true to myself. I'm not free to date at the moment. I need to move on.

dont - I think it is a good idea to get closure with Geeky (I did this with Kent Lad and it just emphasised what a tosser he really was and making himself out to be some kind of peace and love person and I was the problem for getting angry when he introduced a problem!).

I think you should go in with eyes wide open, don't feel you have to rush back into Geeky's arms just because he holds them open, do you see?

MBB and having good email chats and lunch tomorrow as far as I know is still on.