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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 73.

999 replies

MadeMan · 19/04/2014 12:09

Hello and welcome.

OP posts:
whitedoorbell · 28/04/2014 18:27

folk I totally get what you are feeling but please put yourself in our shoes reading that... you are over thinking it all.
stressing will not change it. do you have a friend you can have to come over for the evening or you can ring to support you? to take your mind off it?
dammit if you like give me an hour and I will ring you for hand holding xx

whitedoorbell · 28/04/2014 18:32

wantmylife jump on the roller coaster with us but hold on tight.

OLD is a brutal world and full of emotional highs and lows but lots and lots of fun!

ladies what happened to the list of rules. .. we need to post them for a reminder. I can't remember them all except

it's all bullshit until it actually happens!!

Minime85 · 28/04/2014 18:48

folk def chips for tea. sure all is good Smile

lucyintheskywithdinos · 28/04/2014 18:49

Still no text from Mr Conductor. To be honest, I'm just going to send a text in the morning clarifying wether he wants to see me again. I can't see a long term relationship in it, but a few months of good sex would be great. I couldn't be with anyone who describes me as 'nice'. If I see him again, I will tell him that it is a casual thing as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, why is it that I could find a different perfectly pleasant man to have casual sex with for every day of the week, but not a single bloody one who wants sex and afternoons climbing trees in the park?!

wantmylife welcome!

folk I second white's comment. Can you distract yourself?

BeforeAndAfter · 28/04/2014 19:27

The Rules (or 10 Dating Commandments), if I may:

  1. The first rule of the Dating Thread is, you do not talk about the Dating Thread (with people you're dating)
  2. Develop a thick skin
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens
  5. Trust your gut instinct
  6. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  8. If it's not fun, stop
  9. loo update is mandatory
10. No dating the Thread.
louby44 · 28/04/2014 19:36

Wow! Go back to work and the thread moves forward 3 pages.

Don't - can't believe you emailed him. If he doesn't reply it proves what an arsenal he is

Folk - ??? Get a grip and eat your chips!!!

To all the newbies....welcome!

Scarey123 · 28/04/2014 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whitedoorbell · 28/04/2014 19:50

scarey I know it would be more satisfying face to face but could you not just ring him and dump him and move on. worried you are prolonging the agony for yourself
did you have the exclusive talk with him? or will he get round it saying that he hadn't realised you were exclusive? if that makes any sense at all Hmm

Scarey123 · 28/04/2014 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 28/04/2014 20:03

scarey It''s a weird one for sure! All his actions are those of a man who likes you big time Confused.

You are obviously very heavily invested emotionally, so no I don't think you will be able to 'use' him.

I think you need to tell him what you know and ask him WTF is going on. Flowers

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 20:04

louby Mini and Lucy Grip got and chips eaten. Feel fat and disgusting now. Still, there's half a bottle of Pinot in the kitchen that will put a stop to that! Wink

White Thank you Grin God I must sound pathetic!

Well he did text me when I was out, just to let me know he was back in the country and to ask if I miss him Hmm I haven't replied. I'm not playing games, but I don't really know what to say. I have missed him of course, but he clearly hasn't missed me so if I reply with a "yes, have you missed me" he's either going to ignore it or have to lie.

Men!

Want The trick is to go on lots of dates and it gets far less nerve wracking. You can even start to enjoy it eventually!

whitedoorbell · 28/04/2014 20:06

scarey is this tinder gate the only thing or are there other signs of fuck wittery?

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 20:08

Scarey As MyChild said, all his actions are of someone who really likes you. Perhaps he's on there just out of boredom and isn't actually 'looking' for someone, but is just Yay or Nay-ing people for the sake of it (I have no idea how Tinder works).

whitedoorbell · 28/04/2014 20:08

folk you don't sound pathetic at all. I didn't mean that. I just meant if you need someone to hold your hand abd listen you can ring me rather than sit there on your own stewing on it Smile

BeforeAndAfter · 28/04/2014 20:09

Scarey I truly don't get what he's playing at in terms of what he says and then does (e.g. the beard).

The only thing I know that I couldn't do is play it cool, pretend I were being 'just' his fuck buddy and 'using' him when I know I'd only be hoping and praying that he'd fall in love with me and quietly drop the other activities. That is several headfucks too many for me to cope with.

You do what you want to do but don't delude yourself. That's all. If you can emotionally detach yourself to such an extent that you can truly not care who he might be messaging/dating/dining with/heavy petting with/shagging then that's totally your call. I know I couldn't cope with him even having an online profile when we had discussed exclusivity let alone anything else.

I can do fuck buddy vey well. I can do ONS to relationship well. I cannot do fuck buddy to what I thought was relationship to fuck buddy. It's a head fuck and a heart fuck. Apologies for so many f words in one paragraph...

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 20:10

Bloody Hell. I didn't reply to his text so 2 hours later (almost exactly) I've had another one asking if I love him...

See, I told you that a lack of communication from me elicits more from him. If I'd replied, I doubt I'd have heard anything more!

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 20:10

No, I know White and I do appreciate it. Smile

whitedoorbell · 28/04/2014 20:10

before I am with you. .. fuck that lol

scarey what are you going to do?

whitedoorbell · 28/04/2014 20:12

folk do you think he is a bit insecure too? is it possible that you were both waiting to see if the other got in touch?

Scarey123 · 28/04/2014 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 28/04/2014 20:18

10. No dating the Thread.

What does this mean?

BeforeAndAfter · 28/04/2014 20:19

Folk I'm playing devil's advocate here - just trying to think a bit differently so bear with me.

My 16 year relationship comprised me being Mrs Organised - the one who got things done, who held it all together. Sometimes I really didn't want to be that person. I wanted XH to be that person and lift the weight of keeping it going from my shoulders. He generally did that so it worked out. It wasn't 50/50 but probably 80/20 with me doing 80% but that 20% meant the world to me.

Maybe, just maybe, he's feeling insecure?? Maybe he's been back home and is thinking of his peaches and cream girl who holds it all together and keeps her kids and her roof over her head and he's worrying that she's going to panic and run having seen where he comes from. The most beautiful, confident people have insecurities by the bucket load - just because ours are from different bucket it doesn't mean they're not important.

Perhaps he wanted a text/message from you? Wanted to know you missed him? It's all very well playing the "men should text first" game but perhaps we play ourselves off court when we become too distant? (I'm not saying you've done that ...) Feck, this is hard but it gives me such food for thought.

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 20:19

No, I don't. I think he was having too much fun! I think he was a little insecure before, and with good reason from what he has said, but I would hope that he knows me well enough by now...

I wonder if Dont has heard anything yet...

Scarey123 · 28/04/2014 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FolkGirl · 28/04/2014 20:20

MyChild It means if you take a bit of a fancy to MadeMan you can't have him! Grin