The Dating Thread 73.

[MadeMan]

Hello and welcome.

folk I'm so envious of you! It takes so long to get to the point you're at.

I've been chatting to 2 guys toady off POF. One lives an hour away and the other is closer, much better looking & more my type but doesn't drive! He's nurse too which I find really appealing. He says he'll use the train/bus for any potential dates but I've never met any man that doesn't drive!

louby I know a couple of men who don't drive. They've made that decision because of ethical reasons and because they're not 'petrol heads' who think that cars and football are the be all and end all of life. Sounds pretty appealling to me to be honest!

I'd also like the idea of him being a nurse.

As far as I go, I'm sitting in my living room this evening whilst he's spending the weekend in the south of France. I got a text from him earlier today telling me that he was at the beach with some friends whilst I'm at home with my children. It takes a great deal of resolve to 'trust', believe me...

I'm just not thinking about it. I have no idea what he is doing. My choices are to trust him and that everything he has said is true. He certainly seems genuine... or I decide I just don't trust him and end it. When I did that before, he told me he wasn't prepared to lose me and that he loved me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. If it is all bollocks, then he's put a lot of effort into convincing me that he loves me and will be honest and true to me and all that... And I can't really see the point in him doing that. I'm really not that good a catch/shag, if I'm honest...

folk sounds like you had a good time, the deep and meaningfuls sound really positive too!

Spent the day in bed with Mr Conductor today! Which was fantastic...only problem is that he thinks I'm 'nice'. It's a crappy adjective. However, he is a bloody genius in bed. I'll see him again, even if all that comes of it is a few blisteringly hot shags!

He texted a while ago. He's at a barbeque with his friends.

Feeling a bit 'vulernable' now, tbh

I hope he's having a good time, obviously, but without forgetting me...

Folk - I just read your 4th para - you have to believe this man! You are a good catch/shag - you just need to believe that! carry on believing it!

It's interesting - my neighbour and friend down the road - she was seeing a man for about a year, who kept their relationship under wraps, she didn't meet his family apart from his daughters etc… She rarely heard from him for weeks on end then it was texts and sex.

Anyway it turned out she found out from a friend of his that he'd had a one night stand (don't think it was the first or last) but he'd ended it before then, but I think this happened when they were together. Anyway she found this out afterwards, confronted him but of course he denied it.

Luckily she met a new man in January who's kind, caring, has picked her up and driven her part way to work, gone food shopping with her etc - totally the opposite to the other one!

So her trust issues have luckily been replaced by nice trust ones with the new man.

Yes, you're right superfly.

He has literally just texted me to tell me that he loves me.

I suppose when I know how easily and comfortably my exH lied about absolutely everything, it does make trusting that someone is telling the truth quite difficult. He could well be texting me that while some other girl has gone to the loo! Not that I think that's what's happening, but really, it could be.

How do you know whether someone is an honest person or not? At what point do you just know .

He has pretty much convinced me he is trustworthy and honest but I just can't get rid of the little voice that's saying, "but what if..?"

Argh. Time for a glass of wine and then bed, I think!

folk it's so hard to trust again isn't it.

lucy a day in bed having fantastic sex sounds fab to me!

Well what a difference a day makes. Got a date set up for Thursday with MrNurse and another MrIT has asked to meet up - place & time to be arranged.

I've just seen that Halloween 2 is on at 11pm.

I'm topping up my wine glass in preparation for that...

That will make me feel better.

Get you, Louby!

Yeah, you're right about the trust thing.

In one moment I can think, "If I'd never developed trust issues, then I wouldn't be questioning this current situation at all..." but then in the next breath, I wonder if I hadn't developed trust issues and the accompanying low self esteem, would I have recognised something in him that means I wouldn't have have got this far in the first place...

He seems consistent though, and on the back of things he's told me, I'd be very surprised if he was unfaithful.

folk I hate that film, watched it as a teenager and it always scared me lol!

I wonder if Mr Tall is regretting his chance at date #3 tonight! I wonder if he'll ever get in touch, for all his height he needs to grow some balls lol!

Had a nice evening a few texts off Mr IT , enchiladas a nd salad a movie and now watching stuff on planner bit drunk but who cares

louby baldy doesn't drive

folk am

folk the over thinking is a killer

I am happy again. text baldy before I went out and he text me back "hope you have a lovely evening too xx"

so normal service resumed in this house!!

Hello again.

I thought I'd share some of my morning musings with you and gain some knowledge/insight in the process...

While we were away, my boyfriend mentioned the fact I've said to him before that I couldn't tell you the last man who fancied me. I don't think I'm unattractive - I'm nothing special but I'm not the ugliest bug at the ball either. I think I've got a reasonable figure, I dress in a way I'm happy with and I make a reasonable effort with my hair and make up. So whilst I'd never 'turn heads', I must appeal to someone somewhere. My exH said that in a room of 50 random women, I'd be in some men's top 10. Which is about as much as I can hope for!

Anyway, he thinks one of my male friends has got a 'thing' for me. He's not bothered by it but I think he's a bit bemused by the fact I can't see it. And I really can't! He's even tried explaining why he thinks it, and whilst I follow his line of thinking, I still don't think that this friend 'fancies' me or finds me attractive. But I will accept that he's fond of me in a platonic way, because we're friends.

In fact, I had to ask him a few weeks ago if he fancied me because I wasn't sure. (Idiot that I am!)

Now for a while, I assumed that it was just that I was sending out "fuck off" signals for years, but since my exH moved out, I know I haven't been doing that and I have actively been 'looking' to see if I can see the signs, but I can't!

I mean, I have made fleeting eye contact with a stranger on occasion, but only in a I've been looking around at the same time as them and our line of vision has happened to cross sort of a way.

I never get 'checked out'; I never catch men looking at me; no one ever tries to hold my gaze; I never get approached or chatted up; I've not been asked out by someone since I was a teenager!

So, not that I'm interested or looking now anyway, but how do you know if someone finds you attractive/fancies you?!

I don't think people approach other people anymore! I've never been approached by anyone for years and I've been out with friends a fair few times.

I don't wear a ring on my left hand so I'm obviously single. I just think men are wary or scared!

Hmm, maybe you both have a point! I wasn't just thinking about strangers though, I suppose I was thinking about people I already know, or people I don't particularly know but who go to social activities/hobbies I do.

Only because he seemed surprised that I thought no one was ever attracted to me, he said he didn't believe it was the case. But if no one else is ever approached or knows if/when someone fancies them either...

I think I just wondered if I was missing the signs. Perhaps there aren't any signs!

scarey will you be able to keep your mouth shut, though? Or will you need to mention it? I'd have to mention it. I couldn't keep quiet.

"I never get 'checked out'; I never catch men looking at me..."

Unless a man is blatantly eyeing you up like a 1970's Sid James, then you might not see them. Try looking over shoulder quickly next time you are bending over to tie up your shoelaces, or picking up your shopping bags; catch them in the act of checking you out.

Geekyalike still insisting he wants to meet. Not good.

Folk, I bet you probably just don't notice it.

Scarey I wouldn't be able not to. I think I'd have to say something. What's stopping you, do you think?

I composed a message to geeky last night, but didn't send it. Tell me not to send it, please.

Went out for mate's birthday last night. Had great time. Chatted to some younger men, told them my name was Isabel and I was a 28 year old accountant (all lies). Then kissed a random 26 year old in the pizza place . My mate's boyfriend told me I was beautiful but crazy. Not sure what to make of that. I feel slightly out of control to be honest.

Don't I admire your bravery, I haven't kissed anyone randomly on a night out for a long time!

I do think guys are weird. The 2 guys I've been chatting to are so different. The nurse has responded to my text last night, found a place to meet and arranged a time, we've been chatting via text on and off most of the afternoon. He seems a genuine guy.

The other guy (who works in IT), I've not heard from all day. I suggested a pub, which he says is 'doable' and I've given him my phone number...but nothing! So straight away I'm forming opinions about both men before we've even met.

If you want to date, you have to put a bit of effort in!

I'm a bit of a nutter to be honest. It didn't really give me a confidence boost because I'm not insecure about my looks or attractiveness at all. I just have an absolute nightmare of a personality and can't keep a man. Or I scare them to death. And, none of them are Geeky....

love this thread. great to read the updates.

Hello Minime

Dont Do not, under any circumstances, send that email!!!

MadeMan I might try that

I wonder what the difference is, then, between someone just looking at you to see if you are attractive and then looking at you because they have decided you are..? I'm just amazed that anyone ever manages to get together with anyone if it's all that subtle!

Like I say, I'm assuming it's not something I'll have to worry about for a while, but it's good to know...

scarey it's a shitty situation to be in, that's for sure