Is it true most men would rather be with women under 35?

[adjani77]

Unfortunately for me I have been reading a lot online on the "manosphere" recently and a lot about what men think about women ( or a certain kind of man). Talk about "Sexual market Value" which basically amount to women of 30+ are basically hideous monsters to men their own age and older. I see this to on dating websites where men mostly are prepared to date women 10 - 15 years younger but will often not even want to date women the same age as them!

In the press recently 2 high profile men Stephen Hendry and Rowan Atkinson have both left their wives for women half their age (both women are also dead ringers for the 1st wives!).

I find it really depressing. I understand that we can get attracted to other people but if you have a good marriage, if your man is getting love, sex, affection and friendship surely he will have no reason to stray right?

I just don't know. Perhaps I am just worried about getting older 40 in a few years and how will that affect my partners satisfaction with me?

It seems that even men who are happy and love their wives / partners can fall in love with someone else, someone younger and transfer their love and affection to another. I guess I just need to accept that nothing is ever certain in life.

Has anyone else read any of that manosphere stuff about women and SMV etc what do you think?

Brilliant post thouneeds Some excellent points.

first there was Darwin:

monkey--> man

via nature

then Nietzsche:

man------> superman/uber mensch/best version of himself he can be

via education, experience, spirituality

good stuff thou

Thouneeds -

Evolutionary psychology is indeed a difficult area and I'm certainly not saying I believe in all of its claims. But I think the mistake you're making is failing to distinguish between universal characteristics and non-universal acts.

When evolutionary psychologists claim to isolate a sexual preference for youth that is culturally universal, that doesn't mean for one moment that they are claiming one particular set of actions must always flow from that. As I said early on in this thread, even if men do find younger women, in general, more sexually arousing, that really doesn't mean any more than what it says. What we end up DOING in our lives comes about via a hugely complex interaction of many different motivations and preferences; you can't reduce it to one particular input. Exactly as you say here:

No, we make conscious choices for the well being of others around us based on our increased capacity for empathy and our own social awareness.

although empathy and social awareness are also part of our evolved and biological selves. The distinction between "base" urges and "higher" self control is not really a valid one. It's more just that the brain is very complex, and operates in a very complex environment weighing up many competing factors.

I wish I'd have paid more attention at school.

Haven't bothered reading the thread.

Just wanted to comment on the thread title.

Yes, they do.

One of the things I liked about Mumsnet was the opportunity to avoid the 1000s of men on the net spouting poorly digested evolutionary psychology... Can't spit for it...

Twink if they actually had some critical thinking skills

...then they would have jobs and lives where they were respected and listened to, by people they respected....

... then wouldn't be resentful of their status in life

... then they wouldn't feel the urge to continuously spout their poorly thought out 'theories' to all and sundry, whilst spectacularly missing the 'main point'

And so the merry-go-round of Life continues. Still love MN though

PS Am I the only one relieved my DD's piano teacher is female?

To answer the question, yes they do but why wouldn't they if they can find their ideal woman but younger that's only a positive right? It's like asking if most women would rather be with a taller man.

It doesn't mean all men are going to try date women younger than 35 or that they will ignore woman older than that. Plus there could be other reasons like they are thinking of starting a family but don't want to be rushed.

There seems to be a bit of a lack of understanding basic human biology relating to behavioural patterns in humans. Particularly social facilitation and how humans learn. I think a poster may have got a bit over excited with the google button, and forgotten much of human developmental theory along the way.

Preference for youth? Er, life expectancy was only about 30 wasn't it?

"...Google tells me I'm attractive and successful, and women give a shit about my (poorly thought out) opinions and find my (tedious, whiny, fake attempts at) friendliness charming and disarmingly engaging...."

...so LETS ALL DO WHAT GOOGLE SAYS, EH?

ps never used Google in my line of work to look something I don't know about up quickly so I can fake it. Not me guv....

Quite. We've got our own little Dr Google Mansplainer...

Even applying basic logic, the OP's proposition cant be true - its safe to make the generalisation that most men aren't with women under 35, because statistically its borne out. So that would make male human beings the most spectacularly unsuccessful (in terms of having srxual preferences met) in the entire world. Whereas evolution proves that human beings are the most consistently successful reproductive species.

Evolution also tends to favour good genes. You are not telling me that a man would choose an overweight, spotty, plain teenager over a beautiful and youthful 40 year old? Some men, if given the opportunity, would shag the spotty teenager and stay with their wife, in whom they have the most genetic investment. Some men would avoid the spotyy teenager like the plague, in case she turns out to be a nutter.

More and more, I think its about attractiveness, rather than age. If you apply the proposition to an older demographic, say over 50, again the pool is diluted by those being more likely to find a partner and settle down earlier being removed from it. And the assumption that all men remain sexually active and motivated, which they don't!

Nail, head

Although the OP said that she thought that most men would 'prefer' to be....

This could be true but doesn't mean that most men end up this way.

In fact, so socially unacceptable is a marked sexual preference for only very young women by older males, and vice versa, that we have a term for it - peadophilia.

I was talking about a man like this recently in his fifties, who hung around a stableyard where he made a habit of helping out only very young girls. His behaviour became increasingly disturbing, and he was made to leave. Not all of these girls were under the age of consent, but nevertheless it was pretty obvious that he had an unnaturally keen interest in very young girls. Fortunately, there were enough sensible adults around to put a stop to it before any real harm was done.

Now this is not to say that any man in his fifties being helpful to young girls is a problem - it was this individual's attempting to groom the young girls that was disturbing, and most men would have no difficulty in recognising the inappropriateness. To suggest that most men have similar preferences to this odd individual would be extremely insulting.

I'm sure we've all seen media references to how peadophiles and groomers attempt to justify their behaviour by attempting to normalise it and suggests its what most men do and want.

I think placing upper and lower age limits on sexual preference can be misleading, and suspect there are years of grey area either side...

Indeed, Melonade.

I've had a few (yuck yuck yuck!) times when someone like that has been on the fringes of my social circle.

And there is NOTHING natural about them: they aren't an extension of some normal type. Some posters seem to be suggesting that they represent the secret animal desires of all men. But they are, most definitely, different.

They seemed to be almost operating like weird five year old boys stuck in a fifty year old mans body, so wanting to 'please let me intimately play with/be with the little girls and make them my special friends'.

There is something wrong about them: they are broken. They need help, but also are not normal and healthy, and should not be treated as such.

I was clubbing with a gang from uni, and they were all - easily and naturally - able to overlook the 'dolled up sixteen year olds desperate for attention' for women their own age.

Even though they tend to be very 'out there' socially (think...erm...somewhat controversial fancy dress costumes and the kind of horseplay/drinking games that only gangs of super-fit young men with lots of energy can dream of) they simply COULDN'T go there.

Not just the censure of society: the idea of finding anything remotely sexual about the sixteen year olds was repulsive to them.

I agreed with you a moment ago but think you're taking it too far now.

How the hell did we get from being interested in women under 35 to paedophilia?

Hmmn utterfool its maybe something you have to observe personally. It didn't even occur to.me for a while until it was pointed out by a social worker on the yard. Obviously there's no concerns about men being attracted to.mature adult females or within their own age group or a few years younger. Specifically being attracted only to numbers of young girls isn't really considered socially acceptable, is it?

doconabike -

I reported that last post, which I've never done before, because I was just so gobsmacked you could sink that low I didn't know how else to deal with it.

I've gone from bewildered to positively revolted though. Urggh.

Looks like you win. Well done.

Loris, turn the laptop off, and go to bed, love. It's only the Internet.

I'm sorry that you seem to be a bit upset you haven't got a chorus of welcoming voices telling you how clever you are, and how they're just, so, grateful for your opinions, and some badly thought out science, but it isn't really anyone's fault.

Melonade

At the extreme i.e. Teens, then it's definitely not normal for a man to be interested. Even into the 20,s I'd be but from there it probably becomes more acceptable.

Then you get the Bernie Eccleston's of the world and then everyone is left raising sn eyebrow!

And of course you get people who just fall in love (with other adults), irrespective of age. It can be hard sometimes to distinguish between whats dangerous, predatory behaviour and whats not, even experts struggle. But I do think targeting purely very very young girls isn't a good sign in a person. Some people do prefer youth, some don't. Personally I prefer people who look around the same age as myself.

FastLoris you do seem to lack awareness of certain other traits that many, or in fact, most human males have, and one of those is based on social interaction and responding to social cues. You also seem to assume that everyone else has the same preferences as yourself, which is untrue - humans are very diverse.

I don't think the Jimmy Savilles of the world are typical at all. Very Atypical I would say, and odd. I guess he operated on the basis of convincing people that he was normal.

FastLoris, it's been explained to you how advertising works. The 'sexual preference for youth' of which you speak is simply about procreation.

What we're really talking about here is why some men have a problem with their DWs' bodies naturally changing. And as I said, I think it's because they're either misogynists, immature or brainwashed. The first two you can't do too much about, but the third is definitely treatable.

Works both ways though I suppose.
They're more likely to sell underpants modelled by Beckham than Johnny Vegas.

Probably because most men would rather have a body like Beckham's than Johnny Vegas's...