Is it true most men would rather be with women under 35?

[adjani77]

Unfortunately for me I have been reading a lot online on the "manosphere" recently and a lot about what men think about women ( or a certain kind of man). Talk about "Sexual market Value" which basically amount to women of 30+ are basically hideous monsters to men their own age and older. I see this to on dating websites where men mostly are prepared to date women 10 - 15 years younger but will often not even want to date women the same age as them!

In the press recently 2 high profile men Stephen Hendry and Rowan Atkinson have both left their wives for women half their age (both women are also dead ringers for the 1st wives!).

I find it really depressing. I understand that we can get attracted to other people but if you have a good marriage, if your man is getting love, sex, affection and friendship surely he will have no reason to stray right?

I just don't know. Perhaps I am just worried about getting older 40 in a few years and how will that affect my partners satisfaction with me?

It seems that even men who are happy and love their wives / partners can fall in love with someone else, someone younger and transfer their love and affection to another. I guess I just need to accept that nothing is ever certain in life.

Has anyone else read any of that manosphere stuff about women and SMV etc what do you think?

I definitely turned more heads at 35 than I do at 48. I have a lot of male mates they all like the look of younger women from what I can gather but all their partners are similar ages to themselves. Its a shallow visual thing. I am 48 dp is 54 and he is the only 54 yr old I find attractive if I was single and had my pick I would prefer someone younger . I think we all still find people attractive of around the age we were when at our peak attractiveness but that doesn't mean you will have any sort of meaningful connection with these people in fact the reverse.

I still think it's funny that most men in their 30/40s thjnk they can attract lovely young girls. Most decent men are married and if not they have baggage. Very unattractive to young women and that's before you add in the paunch, receding hair line and moobs. Very shallow I know but young women want fit, strong young men.
Most people as they get older find other things attractive and sexy. The whole package. It is only the shallow and deluded who continue to think they can pull young women.
I find my dh much sexier then a young rugby player, because young men to me are boring despite their good shape and form.
Attractiveness is not based only on age. If men really think this they will ultimately end up lonely and laughed at (maybe not in celebrity land, but def in real life).

Tired -

I don't think the question of whether men "think they can attract lovely young girls" is the point here. The question in the OP was what men are attracted to, not which of those attractions they think they can turn into reality.

I agree that it's ridiculous and embarrassing when older men overestimate their pulling power. I don't what proportion of them actually do though. Plenty of older men probably desire younger women while just accepting that it will never happen.

I have to take issue though with your statement that "Most decent men (in their 30s/40s) are married". Marriage is a lifestyle choice as much as anything else and perfectly decent people can be unmarried for all kinds of reasons, including that they simply don't want to be. Then there are all the decent people of both sexes who do get married but it doesn't work out and they're divorced by then.

One of the world’s great myths is that all men find younger women’s bodies sexier than older women’s. It’s so big that it’s never challenged, just taken as fact, and men who don’t conform to the stereotype think there’s something wrong with them. But it’s bollocks. I’m not talking about younger guys who are looking for someone to have kids with – it makes sense they prioritise fertility – but in my experience other men, especially fathers, who prefer ‘fresh flesh’ are either:

a) misogynists
b) seriously immature
or c) brainwashed by soft/hard porn, and by soft porn I include pretty much all advertising/lads mags/etc…

As we all know, both men and women go through physical changes when children come along. Men’s testosterone levels plummet, while breastfeeding takes its toll – but a caring, nurturing man is sexy if you’ve got kids (I hope), and, speaking as a man, baggy breasts are sexy because it means they actually work and are not ‘for display purposes only’.

And the bottom line (heh!) for me is that baggy boobs, bums and other bits are simply more fun to play with. And, obviously, more experienced men and women are going to be better in bed. This all contradicts our cultural conditioning, which has a pretty transparent agenda. I understand why women might be taken in (how are they supposed to know what men think?) but any man who perpetuates this myth is beneath contempt and probably deeply conflicted and unhappy too.

OPohBear

...and of course, the corollary of that thinking, is that women are then meant to be grateful to have some frumpy loser 'settle' for a monogamous relationship them, because he actually, deep down, allegedly really desires someone younger.

And that myth also implies they have to work hard to 'keep him interested'. I think the stats comparing happiness levels of married men to married women, single men to single women belies that myth!

Personally speaking...there is nothing more attractive than confidence & experience regardless of age.

I wonder if some posters are mistaking age with youth? Some people seem to give very defined age limits. I am one of those people who looks ridiculously young for their age, I looked awful when I was in my teens and for the early part of my twenties. Now I have grow into my features, lost my puppy fat and spots and that slightly fat faced look has served me well in terms of not developing wrinkles or sagging, as have my cheekbones. I am also very physically fit. I get so much more male attention now than when I was younger. Most of it unwanted. Its embarrassing to "reveal" my real age but some of the admirers hang around - I'm not single anyway.

I think theres an awful lot of assumptions about appearance on here, based on what the average British person looks like at a certain age. I don't have entirely European heritage and I have a totally different facial shape to most people here. I've heard it said amongst quite a few black people (I hope this isn't interpreted wrongly as racist because it certainly isn't intended to be) that many of them and their friends look like babies until well into their forties.

I'm sorry to say but I think many men prefer women who are attractive and slim and reasonably young looking - but I don't think any men would have preferred my younger self. I'm sure there are others like me but since we look as we do, its most likely assumed that we are not the age we are, and its not as if you go around wearing a hat stating your age to strangers!

OPohDear One of the world’s great myths is that all men find younger women’s bodies sexier than older women’s.

I also agree with that. I don't think it is even assumed that much, or perhaps only by a certain cohort of men, the type who do online dating and crash from one failed relationship to another, always looking (but never finding) the ideal woman. I never have much time for that sort of man, but I think they're relatively easy to spot, and I'm certain decent men (like nearly all the ones I've ever known well) would be horrified that their views were being taken as gospel. To me, it sounds more like a description of someone with a low grade level of sociopathy, struggling with inter-personal relations, and that runs at a level of around 1 in 20 or slightly less, doesn't it?

Many, many men are turned off by young, attractive women, because they think they are out of their league, will be too much hassle, run off with their better looking best friend, be after their money, whatever. Many, many men prefer the girl next door, and the girl next door isn't always a teenager. Nearly all my very attractive female friends have experienced this and the situation where they are ignored in favour of their less attractive friend. Who may well be older or the same age. Its a biological prerogative.

Since I have known my dh hes always been in to older women and I met him when we were both teens. It is very rare for me to fancy a man above 40, and even thats famous ones. Normal men I prefer a lot younger than that for looks.

I think ultimately a lot of men like attractive, slim ( not skinny), women who are smiley, confident, fun and attentive.

I can look at young men and think, what a good looking lad, but certainly not in a sexual way.

smiley, confident, fun and attentive - sure, all good. slim i think is more cultural conditioning (just think how ideals of beauty have changed). Morbidly obese might be offputting but what's not to like about a few love handles?

OPohdear nothing I think. Being realistic, most married women have a few love love handles after a certain age, and statistically, the majority of married women don't get divorced.

I think its important to remember here that we are not talking about the preferences of most men, but of a very specialised sub-group, mainly those who are not in a committed relationship by early middle age.

I'm not going to criticise that. Everyone is different. I do think that unrealistic reasons have been provided for it though. Very few middle aged men will attract and keep attracted a much younger woman. Its a way of thinking which is guaranteed to keep them single or dissatisfied.

Maybe we need to look at how we are raising men. Female culture seems to aspire towards husband and children, male culture not so much.

OPohdear -

"but in my experience other men, especially fathers, who prefer ‘fresh flesh’ are either:

a) misogynists
b) seriously immature
or c) brainwashed by soft/hard porn, and by soft porn I include pretty much all advertising/lads mags/etc…"

That can't possibly make sense. You must have it back-to-front.

Porn and advertising are businesses. They exist to make money, and they do so by catering to what people want. Advertisers attempt to attach whatever imagery to their product they think will make people happy and give it positive associations. In the case of "sex sells" that usually means young, fit bodies. Pornographers attempt to produce porn that will turn as many people as possible on, and mostly that means the same thing.

It's not a question of advertising and porn brainwashing people (although I'm sure there is a certain feedback loop by which that happens too). It's a question of them reacting to what the market says it wants. And history and cultural studies tell us that market long predates the mass media - if you look at sexual preferences and behaviour of men through the ages. In fact anthropologists and evolutionary psychologists have found sexual preference for youth to be one of the most culturally universal traits.

The alternative explanation you seem to suggest - that men are naturally more attracted to older women but porn and advertising somehow brainwash them to think otherwise - doesn't make any sense. WHY would the media bother doing that? Why wouldn't they just use old models and pornstars instead? Why fight against men's natural instincts and try to change them, when there is a plentiful population of older women that could be employed instead to just exploit those instincts as they are? That seems terribly far fetched.

Of course noone can say that ALL men (or all women) like one particular thing. Sexuality is gloriously varied. If you prefer older women than that's your thing, as it is plenty of other people's thing. But it doesn't make you superior to those who don't or mean that they all must be immature misogynists.

The OP itself, of course, framed the question in terms of a generalisation. Every generalisation is going to have variance and exception.

Oh dear, sigh. Here he goes again. I feel obligated to do my duty and correct this rather tedious chump, as everyone else on this thread has had to.

(damn sisterhood ).

Advertising works by selling discomfort, by selling uneasiness, by encouraging people to go against their natural instincts and be dissatisfied.

That's the whole point of it. 'Luxury' products are often a sham. I suppose you really might be one of those people who will spend sixty quid on a bottle of perfumed water because some clever team has put together a campaign to make you think you'll be the perfect urbane man-about-town (hmmm....come to think of it, if you're that gullible I have some stained babygros, which I can tell you will make you a lot attractive to younger women. £40 a pop)

Ditto with the media. The point of a lot of so-called 'news' isn't to inform the public but to stir up people's baser instincts - of course it's very sweet and naive of you to think that newspapers don't have an agenda, but actually, erm, they do.

Personally speaking...there is nothing more attractive than confidence & experience regardless of age.

Which is why I used to have a thing for older women.

Another sweeping generalism but when I was younger I found older women to have more confidence and were more comfortable about themselves.

Take a look at the some of the past threads where people have posted their celeb crush. There is no normal. There is no common denominator. There are just people with different tastes who are attracted to different traits whether those be physical or personality based.

Once people start to realise that men and women aren't two groups of homogeneous masses with the same desires and the same expectations then perhaps the level of confidence that a lot of posters claim is so attractive can be reached by those who do not necessarily fall into the parameters of media attractiveness.

I was a size 28 through most of my twenties and a 12/14 in my thirties. Im currently a 16 though still losing. Im 41 this year. But ppl tell me I look better than I did at 21 And I don't yet have any wrinkles.

But it IS about more than looks It is about the alchemy of attraction. Sexual chemistry.....spark......seeing someone and just knowing.....!!!!

Oh dear, sigh. Here he goes again. I feel obligated to do my duty and correct this rather tedious chump, as everyone else on this thread has had to.

(damn sisterhood ).

You know, given your sisterhood's confident claim to the moral high ground, you're awfully free and easy with the inappropriate, aggressive and frankly nasty personal attacks.

I'm frankly bewildered at how the simple fact of someone holding an opposing viewpoint about the objective reality of a particular issue, can inspire a group of people to think it's appropriate to:

• call that person every nasty, spiteful name they can think of
• make sexist comments questioning that person's manhood, since real men apparently "don't have time to sit around chatting on the internet"
• make disparaging references to the apparent perception of that person's professional life (where the fuck that one came from, and how the FUCK it was perceived as being relevant or appropriate - Jesus I can't even get close).

I'm going to be honest and admit that I have found some of the things said here extremely hurtful, as they were presumably designed to be. I really can't see how that should mean I don't have the right to express my honest opinion about the issue at hand though, or continue discussing it with those who want to do so in good faith.

But oh well... carry on. I haven't responded in kind and I'm not going to. Partly because I can't be arsed, and partly because I really think when people stoop to that level, they say a lot more about themselves than they do about anyone else.

Advertising works by selling discomfort, by selling uneasiness, by encouraging people to go against their natural instincts and be dissatisfied.

That's a really interesting point. I hadn't thought of it that way.

Personally speaking, in my teens and into my early 20's, physical appearance was the be all and end all. It's only as you get older that you realise that other things like sense of humour, support and being a friend too, carry much more significance. I suppose men that see women purely on age or appearance do grow up eventually but for many, it'll be too late.

wow

Just been looking at Rowan Atkinson pics with 'new love'.

The assumption is that he has left his wife for a younger model. His wife looks stunning, perhaps she kicked him into touch and he has gone after the next one who came along, assumptions can be very wrong.

Yeh, they've been married long enough to be well and truly sick of each other old romantic here or what

I was all about appearance in my teens and 20s too. I wanted a man to reflect well on me! [shame] I cared more about appearing happy or desirable than BEING happy/desired.

Only after the tall handsome well-qualified well-paid man turned out to be a controlling bully did I have an epiphany. Youth was wasted on me when I was young.

There's no point having regrets but I just wish I could have learned some of these lessons from books or from friends. I had to learn every single bloody lesson the HARD WAYY

THOUNeedsbedamned that's so true about celebrity crushes. They seem so charitable to me. Alan Rickman? Billy Connolly? Really? really is their agent paying you to say so on line? Flipping heck. My postman is fitter and better looking than either of those two!

I often think people aim very low in their celebrity crushes. What is the point having a celebrity crush on an old man with a beard. I don't get it. But then, I'm the single one!

Ryvita I LIKE older men Always have done.

FastLoris "In fact anthropologists and evolutionary psychologists have found sexual preference for youth to be one of the most culturally universal traits."

Are you happy with having the same emotional spectrum of a Neanderthal? Before you accuse me of calling you one, I must state emphatically that I am not. I am just speaking in terms of "evolution".

Evolutionary psychologists have also found that men killed the offspring of other males if their chosen mate had already bore a child. You don't see the step-parents on here doing that do you? No, we make concious choices for the well being of others around us based on our increased capacity for empathy and our own social awareness.

Evolution has got us this far, but it is society that will ultimately shape and define us as a species. It depends on whether or not you want to have your personality defined by your genetics rather than your experiences or your own code of ethics.