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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
speedyboots · 12/04/2014 06:21

Just read this and offering a hand to hold. I won't be able to check back in much as 11-month-old DS is just having a feed then will be up for the day. But I'll be thinking of you. You've absolutely done the right thing. I can't imagine how hard it was to make that phone call but he has made this situation, not you. Thanks

wallaby73 · 12/04/2014 06:23

I just want to tell you how massively important and strong what you have just done is.......often we are forced to act and at that moment and the moments after (as in right now for you) we feel at our weakest, most afraid and most doubtful......yet you will look back on this as a defining moment for you, your life and your dc's life......please stay strong, hold on to the fact that you have just acted for you and your children's future. The alternative is just too bleak to consider....for so many reasons. You are in shock, pain and concussed.....be kind to yourself, help is coming xx

elvislives2012 · 12/04/2014 06:26

No real advice but you've done the right thing. Good luck, hope it goes ok xxxx

TossedSaladsAndScrambledEggs · 12/04/2014 06:27

I'm here. You absolutely must report this and remove this man from your life. He has made promises to you in the past about his drinking and broken them, and it has escalated to this. Things will only get worse, he has proven that.

Do not let him minimise it by using the fact he was drunk as an excuse. This makes it worse in a way, as he has shown that you cannot trust him not to drink, and that he becomes violent with no provocation. What if one of your children had tried to get in bed and moved his pillow?

He needs to feel the consequences of what he has done. I hope the police get there soon. How is your face now?

By the way you absolutely must report this. HE has done this so any consequences will be HiS fault.

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 06:27

They are here. They are nice, shocked at my face. I haven't looked in the mirror. He is going to be arrested, they are trying to wake him. No shouting yet. They asked why I waited before calling and I said friends were advising me to ring.

OP posts:
KeatsiePie · 12/04/2014 06:29

Oh, thank goodness they're there, that's so good.

saffronwblue · 12/04/2014 06:29

You are so brave. You will look back on this night and be so proud of yourself.

KepekCrumbs · 12/04/2014 06:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeatsiePie · 12/04/2014 06:30

It's almost over. Soon you can sit down and breathe a little.

imblet · 12/04/2014 06:31

Another handed to hold here. You have done the right thing, this has to stop now. Have you heard back from your friend, you need to be with someone.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 06:32

im hoping your lack of further posts mean the police are there.....

i must get to bed and grab a few hours sleep - but please feel free to pm me back and ill get it when i get up.

stay strong and steadfast - do not feel guilty - you are not the party in the wrong here.
this may be the wake up he needs.

you are doing really really well. dont think about it - just get into autopilot and do what is needed.

i will check back later today - please pm me and let me know how you are.
take care and stay strong.
you will go through a whole range of emotions. thats natural and normal. if you need to talk it through after the police have gone then call womens aid.
they are brilliant.
when he has gone, call your friend. see if she can come over. you will need some support and a shoulder to cry on.
then look at your kids and remind yourself you have done this for them - to protect them, to protect you, to force him into getting help for his drink problem.

ill check back later..

Christmascandles · 12/04/2014 06:34

Another friend here holding your hand. You have done the right thing. I can't imagine how scared you must be feeling.
I'm going to make Brew and await your update Thanks

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 06:34

ill be up at about 2ish....

pm me.
if you have any questions jot them down. you will get an incident number and a crime number.
note them down.
if you have any questions that need answering, call 101 and give the crime number - someone should be able to help you or get an officer to call you back.

you will get a call anyway when its all sorted.

xx

TossedSaladsAndScrambledEggs · 12/04/2014 06:35

So glad they're there. If the have any experience/knowledge of DV they will understand why it took you a while to call. They will just be trying to establish facts/timeline.

Now they have seen your face and a dh comatose from drink it is not much to put two and two together - there is sufficient "evidence" for them to arrest him and it will be taken out of your hands now. To protect victims of dv from the pressure to drops charges/retract statements, they will press on now regardless on your behalf.

Please remember HE did this, not you. You need to keep yourself and your family safe. He crossed the line, and if you did nothing he would almost certainly have done it again I can guarantee.

Do you need medical help for your face? You may have broken something. Big hugs. Go and make yourself a cup of sweet tea and try and sleep or at least rest once they take him. Do you have anyone in real life who can come over? Perhaps keep the kids amused when they wake so you can rest?

Christmascandles · 12/04/2014 06:36

Oh, and vicar, you are awesome Smile

KepekCrumbs · 12/04/2014 06:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DharmaBumpkin · 12/04/2014 06:38

You are doing so well. When they have left, text your H's friend & cancel, so it's not on your mind that he might turn up.

Then sit down with a cup of hot sugary tea. You're a superstar xx

TallyGrenshall · 12/04/2014 06:39

Well done, you have absolutely done the right thing and have been so brave. When the police have gone, sit down have something hot and sweet to drink and text your friend to come over.

HollaAtMeBaby · 12/04/2014 06:39

Hand holding. You have done the right thing.

TheBuggerlugs · 12/04/2014 06:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 06:46

im just so pleased that OP has found the strength to call....i will people on all the time but it has to be their decision. im not a miserable old cynic yet...

Op. you are brilliant.

when i take a DV statement i take a little background history, then a detailed account of the incident being reported.

you will need to sign a medical consent form.
you will need to have photos taken of the injury.

you would be well advised to get checked out - quick trip to A&E before it gets busy....see if pal can sit with kids for an hour.

i wish i could stay up but i must sleep....

this will all be over in a few hours.

see you at 2ish....

Littleturkish · 12/04/2014 06:48

Hand to hold here. I hope they have woken him and he is gone now.

Vicar- you are brilliant. Golden.

Stay strong, we're all your friends and we're behind you.

thekitchenfairy · 12/04/2014 06:48

Offering a hand to hold and a big well done.
Hope the DCs didn't wake up, brilliant advice once again from Vicar.
You have so done the right thing hope your friend is there today so you have some RL had holding.
Wishing you well.

CrystalDeCanter · 12/04/2014 06:48

Blimey OP you poor thing. You've done REALLY well to call the police, I hope you're ok. Can you get a friend to come round this morning. You may well feel like falling apart once the adrenaline of tonight wears off and it might be nice to have some rl hugs available.

In the meantime heres a virtual for you.

I'd also like to say how amazing Vicar is.

Thebluedog · 12/04/2014 06:51

Well done OP, you are protecting yourself and your kids..

My DH was arrested for domestic violence a few weeks ago (I called them), and doing this and making it public with his friends and family has ensured he doesn't brush it under the carpet.

Our marriage might be over but at least he's now having professional help and addressing his issues..