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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
Innocentbystander01 · 12/04/2014 05:01

Well done. You are so brave, I always think in these situations you should follow the advice you would give your dc if they rang suddenly and said they had been punched in the face you would tell then immediately to get out and away from the culprit and you would be raging.
Don't put yourself last dc need a happy strong mum by doing this you are setting them on the right path so if they are ever in a similar situation (hopefully not) they will remember their brave mum and get the hell out.
(Hugs)

januarycat · 12/04/2014 05:02

Well done on texting your friend.

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 05:08

Thank you everyone. I can't sleep, my mind is racing. Innocent that struck a chord, I do feel like I always put myself last and feel guilty about thinking of my needs. What you said about thinking of DCs in my place makes my blood run a bit cold. I have to do this for them. I grew up with a drunk aggressive dad and a mum who accepted it and look where I am. I have to break the pattern.

OP posts:
Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 12/04/2014 05:09

You are doing the right thing. Telling someone else is the first step. Your friend will help you.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 05:09

apologies i have not read whole thread - just got in from work. Call the police.
do it now.
do NOT allow this to go unreported.
police will be sympathetic and he will be removed and will give you valuable thinking time.
its an assault - and quite a bad one at that. you cant leave this. report him - call 999. its warranted if you have had to lock yourself in the spare room.
do it now. pm me if you like - im in police. you are not doing anything wrong and you have nothing to feel bad about reporting this.

Innocentbystander01 · 12/04/2014 05:11

You have broke the cycle of abuse and refused to accept it . You are a great role model. Things might be up in the air and confusing for a few months but it will all sort itself out and you will no longer be scared in your own home.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 05:13

oh and if you call police, he will be taken away when they arrive - you get breathing space - he realises what he has done.
you get help. DV team will call you following him being dealt with.

bail conditions can be set to prevent him from coming back - in the meantime you see a solicitor for an occupation order.

please give police a statement and support them. they will help you to help yourself.
he has done this - not you.

Discomama · 12/04/2014 05:13

Well done Need, you've done completely the right thing - you and DCs must come first, if he loses his job so be it, you WILL manage, don't we always find a way?! Please report him to the police, you would if it was anyone else Thanks

FadBook · 12/04/2014 05:21

Hope you've managed to get some sleep

Stay strong - you're doing the right thing for you and your children x

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 05:22

Vicar I have read your advice before and respect it. I don't know if I'm going to call police or not yet - he's in a related line of work so I would be surprised if he kept his job. I was just looking at Tax Credits and working out if I could keep the payments on the house, with maintenance from him it might be possible. I know money shouldn't be the priority. Not sure I'm thinking straight.

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 05:33

listen - he wont lose his job - pretty sure. we have an inspector who hit his wife. she was open about it. he is still in the job.

especially if he is going to need to support you - this is not a regular occurrence so i doubt very much he would lose the job.

pm me with what he does for a living.

dont worry about money right now - get him out of the house - now - please dont not report because you are worried about money.
he has issues which he needs a bloody huge wake up call to tackle. this is not your responsibility. please dont take this on yourself.

the police will help you. and him if he wants it.
you cannot just punch your partner in the face because you had a drink.

he has injured you. you will likely get black eyes from the nose injury. its not a major crime but would be classed as a s47 assault - it would go to CPS for a decision.
stop worrying about him. he is big enough to take care of himself. worry about you. report this - if you dont and you split later you may regret not reporting this now.
trust me.
report him now. dont think about it. just lift hte phone and dial 999.
"i am calling from xxxx and my husband has just assaulted me. he is drunk but he has caused me an injury to the nose. he is still here. i have had to lock myself in the spare room. we have children in the house."

it will be treated as an immediate response. 10 mins and he will be out of there. he wont be treated badly at all....but you need some breathing and thinking time without him there.

please call the police. you are not helping anyone if you dont.

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 05:33

There are pictures on FB of the work night out he went to last night. I feel sick. It's ok when I feel numb but this is it. My marriage is over, my DCs are going to have their world turned upside down because that stupid selfish man can't choose his family over drink. He will say I drove him to it, I make it such a big deal that he rebels against my controlling ways. But he chooses to drink. I didn't force him to stop or give him an ultimatum. He said he would stop, for himself as well as me and DCs. Now he has done this. My DCs have to see me in this state. I hate him for it.

OP posts:
NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 05:34

Vicar I am sending you a pm.

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 05:35

thats fine. please read my post above though.....ill await your pm. x

DharmaBumpkin · 12/04/2014 05:40

Listen to Vicar... She's right. Lift the phone, call the police. You are in shock, and that's totally understandable, but you can do it for yourself & your kids xx

KepekCrumbs · 12/04/2014 05:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 05:46

Thank you for the virtual hug Crumbs I needed it. Vicar I sent you details of his job. Please tell me honestly what you think would happen if I report it.

OP posts:
NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 05:48

I can't tell you how great you are all being. Knowing I'm not alone is brilliant.

If I call police I should do it soon so DCs are still asleep. What the hell do I say to the older one if she wakes up?

OP posts:
Wenchelda · 12/04/2014 05:50

No advice to add but just wanted to say I think you're incredibly brave and strong. Good luck op x

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 05:51

Wenchelda I don't feel either! Thank you, I am trying.

OP posts:
NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 05:55

Sorry Vicar one more question. When you say it would go to CPS do you mean for charge rather than Caution, or does that mean I couldn't drop charges later? I just want to know the facts so I can decide.

OP posts:
TheBuggerlugs · 12/04/2014 05:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

CheerfulYank · 12/04/2014 05:59

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. :(

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 06:00

I'm in London. Got Vicar's message. I think I'm going to call 999. Fuck fuck fuck.

OP posts:
DharmaBumpkin · 12/04/2014 06:01

Need how old is she?

Assuming she's younger, I would say that Daddy hit you & that hitting is not okay, so he has to go away for a bit. If she's older, a bit more detail.

I think you need to be truthful, don't lie (I walked into a door type story) but equally try if you can to be calm about it... Which is really hard.