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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
DharmaBumpkin · 12/04/2014 06:02

You're doing the right thing. (((((((hugs))))))

JazzyCardi · 12/04/2014 06:04

Listening and hand-holding NeedAdvice.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 06:07

ive pmd you back.

dont drop charges later - this casts doubt on your credibility for anything in the future.

he wont get a caution for a domestic assault - doubtful anyway.

however - cps would make the decision. you need to give a statement - you can give a victim personal statement in which you say how you feel - if you are reluctant to make this complaint say it there - say why.
it will be taken into account.

if he is arrested tonight, you give a statement, and cps advice is sought tonight it wont take long.
he will likely be charged to court - magistrates court - nothing terrible. court date will likely be within 2 weeks - so no waiting for ages.
no other offences against the person - he wont get anything too hefty.
he will have to face up to his problem.
not a bad thing imo.

dont give a statement and then drop it - A) your credibility is shot to bits b) you have to negate the assault - this means you either have to lie and say you made it all up (leaving yourself open to a ticking off for wasting police time) in any case you would have to give another statement saying why you have retracted.
this is no guarantee of getting it thrown out but more often than not cps wont run a case with no willing complainant.
that said - if it happens again - it will all be on record. he will be NFAd - (no further action due to lack of evidence) and you are right back to square one.
with your credibility shot to bits.
if you needed to report again this NFA would be on file - and why. Legal aid is very hard to get now too, only available for cases of domestic violence.
if you retract you are casting doubt on the truthfullness of your account.

dont do that. dont give a statement and then drop charges. if you are going to report his then steel yourself - he will not get a huge punishment.
*mags court.
*s 47. (low level as assaults go)
mitigation.

please dont not report, and please dont retract if you do.

make your feelings known in the victim statement. thats read out in court. the magistrate will take it into account when deciding on what to do with him.
he wont get a custodial sentence.
i doubt very much that he would lose his job. he may not even have to disclose it.

KeatsiePie · 12/04/2014 06:07

Hey, just wanted to add my support. I am so sorry. You're being really brave and I do think you're right to call.

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 06:08

I have called. It will take up to 60 minutes. I don't know if I've done the right thing. I am shaking. I am hoping they come soon and take him away without DCs waking. What happens if my older one wakes and sees police taking daddy? Oh God I am so scared.

OP posts:
NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 06:10

Just saw the last couple of posts. Thank you Vicar you have really helped. I have done it and I won't retract.

OP posts:
KeatsiePie · 12/04/2014 06:10

Oh honey. I hope they come soon. Can you shut the doors to your DCs' rooms and maybe even put towels at the bottoms so any noise is less likely to carry to them?

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 06:11

good lass.....you have done right. absolutely right.
60 mins means its being treated as a "priority" case - this is because he is asleep and you are not in immediate danger right now....

if this changes you call back on 999.....

if the children wake up then just tell them daddy is helping the police with something. they dont have to know the details.
they will accept that.
they will go back to sleep.

i can hand hold for a bit....

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 06:13

tell police to be quiet - that you dont want the kids waking. they should oblige.

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 06:14

The older one is 4. I know what you mean about not lying but if he is angry with me and shouts abuse it could be awful. Their bedroom door is shut.

If anyone is around I would appreciate hand holding for a bit. I feel all over the place.

OP posts:
NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 06:15

Oh God I hope they come soon.

OP posts:
BillStickersIsInnocent · 12/04/2014 06:16

Well done, you did the right thing. Lots of people here for you

TallyGrenshall · 12/04/2014 06:16

I'm here for a hand hold. You are doing amazingly

KeatsiePie · 12/04/2014 06:16

I was thinking about the possibility of shouting -- I really would put a folded towel across the bottom of the door, especially if you don't have carpet.

I'll be up for a while (American), holding your hand Thanks

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 06:17

Thank you x

OP posts:
KeatsiePie · 12/04/2014 06:17

Er, not that it matters that I'm American. I just realized saying I would be up for a while would sound odd in your time zone.

Piffly · 12/04/2014 06:18

You are a wonderful strong mother & you're doing the right thing 100%. Your DC are so lucky to have you. You're breaking the cycle & protecting them too. Keep us posted later if you can. Thanks

KeatsiePie · 12/04/2014 06:18

Do you feel you can leave the room you're in? I thought a cup of coffee or tea might steady you if you feel like safe to creep out.

Innocentbystander01 · 12/04/2014 06:19

Holds hand. If children wake as another poster said daddy is helping police with something maybe an alarm going off at work to explain why he is going with them?
Are you friendly with neighbours maybe they could take them for an hour they do wake?

JazzyCardi · 12/04/2014 06:19

I'm up for a while NeedAdvice. I'm so sorry you've been put in this position, but I do want to say that you're doing the right thing. You really, really are.

x

Waffles80 · 12/04/2014 06:19

I'm here too - you've been incredibly brave and strong. Well done. Is there any way you could make yourself a cup of tea? With some sugar? Or maybe have something small to eat? You've coped on adrenaline so far and some sugar now will help keep your energy up. Again, really well done. You're a wonderful mum.

KepekCrumbs · 12/04/2014 06:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DharmaBumpkin · 12/04/2014 06:20

I'm still here... You are doing the right thing.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2014 06:20

i doubt he will shout abuse.....he is going to wake up with 2 coppers standing over him.

they will come soon.

you rang at 6.ish....7 is shift change. they will want him processed and booking in before then....
they will hand him over to the next shift. (they will do a comprehensive hand over package explaining everything) they wont mess about due to time....
they may take him and arrange for the next shift to come and get your statement.
dont wobble. you are absolutely doing the right thing, for him, for you and for the kids.
this is the not so nice bit....but its needed.

Innocentbystander01 · 12/04/2014 06:21

Also if it does kick off which I don't think it will my ds was carried out of his room at 4yo by a policeman and he's 16 now and doesn't remember a thing.