Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

He punched me in the face.

538 replies

NeedAdvice2014 · 12/04/2014 03:35

I don't know if anyone's awake. I am in a bit of a mess, in lots of ways. My H went drinking last night. He has form for being aggressive and nasty when drunk, though never violent towards me before. About a year ago I threatened to end things and he stopped drinking altogether. All of our issues stemmed from his drinking so I gave it another chance.

He started having just one glass - excuses like not making other people feel strange. Then going out when he was staying with friends. Last night he went to a work do, initially he said he would come home for DCs bed time, then that he would go straight from work and come home early. He got back after midnight, O heard him falling around, he went into the spare room.

About 3 he came into our bedroom and got into bed. He lay half on top of me hugging me and put his duvet over us. I was annoyed he had woken me again and said "what are you doing?" He said "I was trying to be nice you fucking cunt". I went to the toilet and when I came back he was across the whole bed and on my pillows. I wanted to go to the spare room and pulled my pillow out from under his head - I did do this quite roughly as I was annoyed. He jumped pit of bed, pushed me across the room and punched me full force in the face. I screamed and said I would call the police and he got back into bed. I could feel lots of blood.

I have a cut on the bridge of my nose which bled a lot, it's still oozing blood now. My nose and forehead are going to be bruised. I am in the spare room and have locked the door, he is quiet.

What the hell am I going to do? Our marriage is over, I am not letting my DCs grow up in a home where this happens. We are supposed to have H's friend and his DC stay tomorrow, I am going to tell him to cancel it. But then what? I think I need to tell him to leave, but I can't afford the house on ky own. What will I say to DCs? And what will I tell anyone, especially work, about the state of my face? I feel in shock.

OP posts:
NeedAdvice2014 · 14/04/2014 01:13

Thank you Alpaca. I am so tired but I just can't seem to switch my brain off.

OP posts:
AlpacaYourThings · 14/04/2014 01:14

I can understand that, I'm finding it hard to switch off as well.

How are you feeling now?

NeedAdvice2014 · 14/04/2014 01:18

Hope you are ok? Feeling overwhelmed really. Everything has been turned upside down. If I numb it and concentrate on the immediate it's ok but when I start thinking I feel panicky.

OP posts:
AlpacaYourThings · 14/04/2014 01:21

Don't worry about me! Smile

I know it's hard but try not to think too much about the 'what if' scenarios. They will only drive you mad. It's such early days, you need to physically and emotionally recover from this, it must be a huge shock to our system.

I think you are doing amazingly well.

AlpacaYourThings · 14/04/2014 01:22

*your

NeedAdvice2014 · 14/04/2014 01:29

This might sound silly but I don't want to turn the light off. When it's on the room feels fine but if I turn it off it just seems like all the fear and anxiety builds up in me. I know that's completely irrational. I will just need to sleep with it on.

OP posts:
NeedAdvice2014 · 14/04/2014 01:31

Ok I need to get a grip. Going to get a drink and something to eat and see if I can sleep after that.

OP posts:
AlpacaYourThings · 14/04/2014 01:32

Doesn't sound silly at all! Sleep with it on then, do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

TheCatThatSmiled · 14/04/2014 01:55

If you don't want to turn the light off, don't.

I have trouble sleeping . I prop my phone up on my bedside table and watch ASMR or massage videos, with no sound - mindless and relaxing. Or cat vids, always make me chill out a bit. Do what ever it takes, you need your sleep.

middleeasternpromise · 14/04/2014 02:47

informing SS is usually standard where police have been called and there are children present in the home. You may get a call asking what the current situ is but as he is out of the home probably NFA with advice services you can follow up, SS only interested where parents are struggling to protect everything you did demonstrates protective action you couldn't have done it better.

FabULouse · 14/04/2014 06:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 14/04/2014 06:34

The police should inform social services. They will look at several things - your history with them, how sever the injury/assault was and whether the children witnessed it. It's most likely they will call you to find out what steps you have taken and will close it when they hear he has left the house. They will give you advice re getting support etc. they may just write to you.
This is unlikely to trigger a full investigation. Whether it should or not is a different matter, resources are too stretched to tackle DV properly but that's just me on y soapbox.

MrsJoeDolan · 14/04/2014 08:49

Hope you got some rest

Waffles80 · 14/04/2014 08:56

Just wanted to say good morning, and I hope you got some sleep and are feeling as well as can be expected today. I know you are working today, but if you need to let off steam / share your feelings / ask questions / request virtual cups of tea then people will be here today to support you. Make sure amidst childcare and work today you get some 'you' time - a sit in the garden with a book, a bath, something on iplayer for half an hour. Thinking of you today and remain so impressed with your strength.

NeedAdvice2014 · 14/04/2014 09:43

Morning and thank you for messages. Sorry for the wobble last night, I am not very rational in the early hours.

I have spoken to my colleague and said I am having home problems and separated from H and she was sympathetic. So I just need to answer emails and deal with anything urgent. I am planning to speakvto Al Anon and DV support today and I'm wondering if the Community Safety police may come now it's Monday. The DCs are at childminder so I can have a bit of head space.

Didn't sleep much, thank you to Alpaca and others who were there in the early hours.

OP posts:
chocolatespiders · 14/04/2014 09:57

Hope you have managed to sleep- might be worth getting a little plug in night light so not compleatly dark

VanGogh · 14/04/2014 10:36

Good morning my love.

Please don't forget to eat something and to drink something. You are amazingly strong.

missmagnum · 14/04/2014 12:37

I have been checking in all weekend, but due to the security issues, have been unable to log in.

I just wanted to say needadvice that I think you are amazing and so strong, I have been in tears reading your posts and I'm so glad you went to the police and are getting some space from him. I know what it is like to live on pins and in a few weeks you will begin to enjoy feeling less on edge all of the time.

So glad the police treated you well, they sounded lovely.

Thinking of you, we're all here behind you.

TheLastNameLeft · 14/04/2014 14:24

Need you are amazing, please PM if you need any advice on SS (as I used to work in a R&A team) Please dont worry though, its usually standard that the police contact them in these situations but I am sure they will be notified and decide NFA as ehric said above.

Inertia · 14/04/2014 16:13

Not sure whether your older child is at school yet, but it might be worth making contact with your child's teacher or headteacher to explain the situation. It's possible that the police or SS may liaise with the child protection person at the school, and the school may have systems in place to support your child where necessary. They may also want to clarify whether your H is allowed to collect the children.

You sound really strong. I think you're right to ensure that H's accommodation is nothing to do with you , and to make it clear that you may never reconcile.

Your plan to contact the station chief is a lovely idea. I did this once when the police attended an RTA I was involved in, and they did respond to say how much tgey appreciate it when the public thank them .

grumpasaur · 14/04/2014 22:33

Gosh op I have just logged back into mumsnet (had to change my username ever so slightly as couldn't figure out how to reset)...

Anyway, I have no advice or words of wisdom, but wanted to express my very sincere admiration and support. This is a horrible and awful situation and I am so sorry you have to go through it. I hope that the day you wake up with now fear comes sooner rather than later. You are a good mum and an amazing woman, and I am proud to join in on the virtual hand-holding union!

CrabbyBlossomBottom · 14/04/2014 22:52

Have been following your thread OP, and hope you're ok this evening. Know that there are people out there thinking of you and willing you to get through this. Are the children ok?

GingerBlondecat · 15/04/2014 00:45

((((((((((((((((((Hugs, Holds You and Hand Holding))))))))))))))))

Thebeachismyhappyplace · 15/04/2014 01:31

Hey need
How are you doing today? Hope you're resting but just wanted to check in and say that ive followed your thread all weekend but security issues stopped me logging in and being more supportive.

As a 4yo I woke to find my mother attacked in a similar way you describe, it took nearly another 4 yrs for her to have courage to leave and the beatings were increasingly horrific. I wish she had left after the first time as I wasn't too young to understand i knew she hadn't banged the doorframe. and while she wanted to protect me it did the opposite.

I am so impressed with you, your resolve, your strength and am in awe that you acted so swiftly. Hope your friend is offering the RL support you need.

goodasitgets · 15/04/2014 02:43

Definitely recommend a night light. When my panic attacks were bad, it was comforting to open my eyes and see a light instead of darkness - everything seems claustrophobic in the dark
Hand holding Thanks