This has become so normal, I tried to explore with counsellor yesterday about why I allowed him to treat me like this.
If you haven't already done so, go and read my 'doormat' post. If I do say so meself it's rather good hahaha!
But seriously, as to why we allow these fuckers to treat us the way we do – in the immortal words of the song
'It's that old Devil called love again..."
How many times have you read on here ...
"He's been shagging my best friend behind my back for two years and stealing money from our bank account to take her out for dinners and on days out and holidays, while me and the kids walk around in rags with cardboard in our shoes living off his leftover scraps"
AND I'M HEARTBROKEN BECAUSE HE'S MY SOULMATE AND HE CAN BE REALLY KIND SOMETIMES AND HE'S A WONDERFUL FATHER AND I STILL LOVE HIM AND WHAT DID I DO WRONG TO MAKE HIM DO THIS?
"I found out my husband has been spending thousands on porn sites and prostitutes and escorts, both male and female, and going to fetish and bondage clubs while I sit at home alone every night, crying my eyes out and looking after the children"
AND I'M HEARTBROKEN BECAUSE HE'S MY SOULMATE AND HE CAN BE REALLY KIND SOMETIMES AND HE'S A WONDERFUL FATHER AND I STILL LOVE HIM AND WHAT DID I DO WRONG TO MAKE HIM DO THIS?
"My husband has told me I'm a fat cow who he finds repulsive physically and will never have sex with me again, so I lie in bed at night crying my eyes out and eating boxes of chocolates as it's the only thing that I've got to make me happy. The highlight of my week is a trip to the confectionary wholesalers, while he goes out clubbing every night and walking around like Jack the lad, picking up tarts and having sex with whoever he wants."
AND I'M HEARTBROKEN BECAUSE HE'S MY SOULMATE AND HE CAN BE REALLY KIND SOMETIMES AND HE'S A WONDERFUL FATHER AND I STILL LOVE HIM AND WHAT DID I DO WRONG TO MAKE HIM DO THIS?
Exaggerated I know but you get the gist. It's because we 'love' them or think we do. Once they get that emotional hold over you then you're fucked basically until you break free of it. When I think back on what I allowed my ex to do to me, my toes curl with embarrassment at what a pathetic, pitiful, weak, idiotic fool I actually was. I let that fat fucker walk all over me, I've never been so low in my life and I honestly thought I couldn't live without him. I humiliated myself so many times, if I was reading on here today about someone doing what I did, I'd be screaming at them and punching the screen with frustration!
It took a chance encounter with an outside observer, to bring home the reality of the situation to me and I knew what I had to do. Once I cut contact, only then was it that I started to recover.
Now I look back at him and I know that the emotional hell he put me through wasn't love. I love my kids. I love my mum. I love little fluffy kittens and baby lambs and sunny days and daisies growing on a grassy hillside and Bake Off and Hugh Jackman in his swimming trunks coming out of the surf on Bondi Beach (getting a bit poetic here) but whatever it was I had with him sure as hell wasn't love.
Going NC other than the absolute barest of formalities preferably in written form (yes, no, 2pm, Friday, or whatever) is the only way to take back your power. By allowing them to have emotional control over us, we are handing them our power on a plate to do with what they like. And the fuckers know how to use it. Your ex is using it now.
Take it back, pull up the drawbridge, batten down the hatches, stop seeing him, stop talking to him, and certainly stop having sex with him, stop talking about him, stop thinking about him (easier said than done I know but you'll be surprised how easy it is once you start) and in a few months/years, whatever, you'll look back and think to yourself "what the hell was I on?"
Trust me, it's all good further down the line, but you have to get well and truly shot of the fuckers first - physically, emotionally, every way until they aren't even a blip on the radar of your life anymore!
Good luck!