Feeling so hurt re X AGAIN

[Blossomflowers]

I can't believe I am writing this. Split with X of 20 years in December, waves to anyone who helped me through that difficult time. But here I am again. Basically really getting my life back together not had any f2f contact with him until a couple of weeks ago. But one night we went out for a drink to discuss finances had a great evening. He then started texting me using his pet name for me, very flirtatious generally being nice, ( he also knew I had been seeing other people, as was totally honest with him, not that it was his business but he did ask.) Anyway fast forward to a week ago, he basically caught me and chap leaving our house total bad timing. I felt really bad/ guilty ( no reason I should but we have such history, I invited him around for a BBQ he was a a bit devastated about OM, he ended up staying all weekend. Then lots of texting during the week and calls. He seemed very down last week and invited him for a meal on Friday and I begged me to his on Saturday and went to his local pub, he then stayed here Sunday. It has been lovely, sex amazing, ( no sex for 3 years before split) he is being so nice. He has bought me Easter eggs, talked about seeing family. Anyway fast forward to last night, he popped in on the way back from work and we had a few glasses of wine, he then launched into how we will never never get back tog and knows I have lots of dates planned ( I don't) and he is single a free and we can be fuck buddies only. Does not care and about me sleeping with other people but has declared he loves me so many times this weekend and I am his soulmate He is so messing up my head I am feeling rather sick now just need to put my head straight. Sorry for long post. I have not once suggested we get back together even though this weekend has been amazing but who knows what could have happened.

Nothing wrong with you. It makes perfect sense that you'd be attracted to him - that's why you got together and stayed so long!! And it also makes sense that you'd be feeling sorry when you see happy families: that's what you wanted and thought you had. You might even feel some of that years later.... you wouldn't be normal if you did not feel these things. But you still cope and can move forward. Give yourself more time, stay away from him, and go easy on yourself. There must be something nice you can do for yourself for Easter.... even just take a walk somewhere lovely, soak up some sun, have dessert.... be kind to yourself.

Even a war hero, who has behaved so admirably, has scars!! We all do past a certain age.

Its fine! We all have those days. The days when everyone else seems to be having a cereal box existance - its not true though.
I've even had the moment when my DC (when younger) had stopped for a minute and I overheard someone say to their misbehaving child "Why can't you behave like those children?" Of course I just smiled inwardly rather than saying "You should have seen them 5 minutes ago."

Give yourself some time and space. What really nice thing could you do this weekend? Paint your nails? Full Manicure/Pedicure? What would you love to eat that no one else likes? What film would you like to watch that no one else likes? Somewhere you could go?

Plan yourself some me time.

Hope you are able to get past ex's antics and wave your DS off on Sunday looking genuinely pleased for him to be spending time with his dad even if you are gritting your teeth.

In the meantime are you able to get out somewhere with DS this afternoon and tomorrow? Your heart might not be in it but try and get outside.

Has the insurance company had your car assessed yet is it a write-off?

I know online dating can be tricky and I'm in the minority on this thread but I thought overall the positives you encountered outweighed the negatives. You're a bright and warm individual who had been stymied by a self-centred OH for some considerable time. I thought you got some satisfaction from dating and evidently it didn't take ex long to notice the spring in your step.

Just wondering how you are today Blossom.

donkey Well weekend did not work out as planned, my other car I was using decided to catch fire last thing Thursday. So found myself car less all weekend fuck!! , I had no choice but to call X, as mum away, best mate on holiday, there really was no one. ( I needed to get home as DS was on his own) We ended up spending a really lovely weekend, he finally let himself down last night ( only a matter of time) said he could never forgive me for sleeping with other men, to which I pointed out that I was free to do what I liked as I am single, also he said he loved me but could not live with me, I told him I have not asked him back ,that bit seems to escape him. He did also admit that he was treating me very badly before I kicked him out. I was very upset last night but ok today, will still keep with my plans talking to my OLD buddies. I will not let him bring me down.

If I'm honest I was worried you're looking at ex to provide you with what he didn't manage to give you for the majority of the 20? years together. But perhaps he needed a boot up the backside ie threat of losing you to finally step up. Quite a risky strategy.

Now he has things somewhat back to front. The time to examine how you treated each other was back then. Since separating it's none of his business who or how many you've slept with. You haven't asked for his forgiveness I take it? So you don't need it.

Need I add, if so much angst was about you not DS, why so little energy put into being a better dad all that time you were living together?

A few nice gestures, a late flowering of passion - suspiciously too little too late.

Sorry about the car btw did you walk under a ladder lately?!

ha ha donkey think I must have been a bad person in a previous life.

It was all going so well. In one way it was good to see his bad side last night, reminded what an ass he can be. We had not spoken for months, did he really think I would site around waiting for him to come back. Now he is definately coming back, err I chucked you out for being totally vile for months and have not asked you to come back. What a fucking ego.

Just read is text from last night, saying I love you but can not live with you, if that means losing you then so be it. WTAF err you lost me in a long time ago.

Blossom, nice to hear from you and sorry you're having such bad luck!

Can't help but think you are wasting your time here and perhaps secretly hoping for a reconciliation, why do you spend so much time with him?

Jan because I am a twat. lol

oh, that's painful :( poor you
in the long run, you're better off not seeing him; he's just confusing you

Tell me you never DTD, did ya?

And you are not a twat!

Julia I know, jan yep, many many times. Strange really we did not have sex for 3 years before we split, funny how he can do it now. .He has a very mean streak, which reared its head again last night

Oh Blossom, you're stuck in limbo doing this, cut the ties and get out there and enjoy yourself.

That text was his attempt to make it look like he's the one finishing with you and not the other way found. My inner teen wants to say yeah yeah whatever.

I know you are right, I really need some space, also DS is driving me insane, bloody selfish teenager. I have so much on my plate I surprised I can get out of bed in the morning it is all over whelming. I need to get that anger back, stop getting sucked in by him.

As long as ex doesn't use his flounce as an excuse to drop DS again.

Well time will tell, I am going to talk to him about that. The more I think about the things he has said the more annoyed I become, I was faithful to that twat for 20 years, went through hell and back with his MH and impotency and now he is re writing history. I know he is hurt about me sleeping with other men but he has been telling me to do it for years as he did not want me. You know the expression be careful what you wish for. Think his ego is bigger than I thought, he seems more pissed off that man I was seeing has massively expensive car. Idiot.

Got my first counselling session in a couple of hours gulp. Am really struggling so hope it will help, don't even know what to say.
He texted me last night saying he loves me. But also accusing me of trying to make him move back in, I worry about his mental health.

Good luck. As to ex he is in his own little world isn't he?

Yup donkey he was around last night wanted to see my OLD profile. Weird really as when we were tog he never displayed any jealously, I told him on Sunday that I am still talking to people on the sites, by coincidence actually spoke to a lovely fellow today we had been messaging for weeks. This is self preservation.

Blossom, you really need to cut the ties with this guy, the relationship is over so dragging it on seems pointless. I doubt he's sitting at home on his hands whilst you're out having sex with other men, he didn't seem concerned about losing you at the time, did he?

I think you are just prolonging the agony for yourself.

.

Yea am back, thanks. She was pretty wet, said I was remarkably strong considering all that has happened over the past few months. Well I don't have a choice to carry on do I. Have put a call into mum as really need help with money.