I'm a mess. Marriage is over. Kids hate me.

[SalfordSky]

I'm sobbing my heart out. I've finally realised my husband loves me but isn't in love anymore.

so glad to hear the house is in your name. Take all the time you need this week and work out your options.

ouse. It's in my name only. We split for a year due to his indiscretions, so at least it's my house. Making him leave may be altogether a different thing?

Crikey I am tired...

Its great that you got away. I think the space will help you think more clearly.

Get as much help and info. as you can. CAB. Free half hour with as many solicitors as you like.

It will be hard if he wont go but since the house is in your name only I am sure it wont be too difficult. Just difficult going through the process until he actually leaves.

Right, got any ? feet up, relax and have an early night.

You will be tired. A lot has happened and your body is feeling the strain. Don't fight it - just potter and relax as much as you can/snooze when you feel like it.

You're doing well.

Well done, Salford!

Hold on, honey, please hold on. You reach this rock bottom point and you only see one way out now, but it's not the only way out. I've been there, only briefly - the utter despair I felt on finding there weren't enough pills in the house to do the job... and then I started to think, and plan, and work on better ways to end the situation, and although it was shit for a while there was light ahead. I like being alive now, and my children do love me; I'd never have believed it on that bad evening. If you can just get over this hideous hump in the road there's life and hope on the other side.

Ha, somehow I missed everything after the first page there! Thank god you're feeling stronger. Spooky, I'm in Kent too.

Salford

Let me get this right. He fucked about with other women, called you pathetic and spiteful when you're clearly at your lowest ebb and now you tell us you lost your home because of him. Fuck that, ditch the twat. You however sound lovely. You really do deserve better. Stay strong.

Morning all. Yes I know I sound pathetic, but I want to be fair in this. He will make a cup of tea, iron his own shirt, never ever is bothered if I go out or for how long, works very hard in a high pressure job and errr has never hit me. He does say he loves me and says he always will. But I think that is because I am the mother of his children.

The sky is very blue today but the wind almost sent me flying! He has called to say there are major problems at work and he has nobody else to talk to and was very tearful before he hung up. I feel so tempted to go home and forget this "silly nonsense". But I know I can't go on like this...

You really can't afford to ignore the point you got to the other night, that was your line drawing moment. Your kids worked out they needed to stop taking you for granted and are ready to make some changes. Unfortunately OH has pushed the boundaries too many times to recognise you making a stand. He thinks you will always go back to the status quo and its very hard not to unless you get the distance to see the tactics at work that return you to the ground zero position. Stay away for as long as you can and enjoy the head space.

....He has called to say there are major problems at work and he has nobody else to talk to ......

But cast your mind back - was he actually talking (properly) to you before you went to the caravan? I'd guess not.

Wow - so now he's tearful!? Bless him!?
NOT!!
Do not go running back there to be his crutch.
This is your time.
Your head space.
Your breathing time.
Do not engage with him at all.
Don't even answer his calls.
He's an entitled arse and you know you deserve better.
Have a lovely break away from him and come back with a clearer idea of what you will do.
You sound so much better and you will be just fine.
Good luck and keep us posted on how everything goes.

Right, have decided NOT to go back for now. Son has gone back on train with a friend who came with us so just me, dog and little one for now. Not heard from him since this morning. I think he is expecting me to be at home. Oops!

Good decision.
I think you have probably always 'been there' and done everything for this 'person'
You have your time away.
You deserve it.
And remember, don't answer the phone to him.
He will try to talk you round to going back.

What will he do without you?
He'll have to wash, cook, clean, look after himself. Things I'm sure he is not used to at all. He will want his slave back asap.

Keep strong.

What a cruel and selfish man. He did not come home to talk to you when you were troubled, and he expect you to run home to be a listening ear to his work problems? He really takes the biscuit. This is for him.

What Quint said.

x 1,000,000

He can have my too.

Quint - I never thought of it like that...

His attitude reminds me of my now exH, who the morning after a major event (I think it was after the first or second times he physically attacked me) asked me to make him a cup of coffee.
Not only he always made his own as in any case, as I wasn't making one for me at the time, and I obviously didn't feel like making him one.

He wasn't asking you because he needed it, he just wanted to test how much you were still under his spell.

Good points.

Be prepared, Salford. When he discovers that you haven't just trotted back to mop the kitchen floor, he could well make an aggressive contact or two - having found that the tears aren't working, he could become angry. Stay strong.

He has ring again to say goodnight to my 7 yr old. He asked HER when I was coming back!!! I'm feeling quite determined to stay now.

Using a kid to get at you. That's despicable.

By the way - I'd be very clear headed about this and really look deep inside yourself this time. You've got a history of going back to him and I'm hoping that this is not just an exercise to get him to 'come round' (and to improve things for you) but a real try at thinking where exactly you want to go in life.

Cozie - I do have form for doing that but by now I would have figured out a way to go home. Dd was tearful tonight and saying she misses her daddy and wants to go home. I'm going to try and make tomorrow a nice day for her and hope she wants to stay.

Whereabouts are you (roughly) salford?

Good for you. Now phone OFF unless YOU want to use it!

Sod him! How dare he!

You will have to return home at some point. Hopefully, you will know how you want to proceed by then.

He hasn't given any reason to get back to him, has he?
And he has had plenty of chances, hasn't he?