I'm a mess. Marriage is over. Kids hate me.

[SalfordSky]

I'm sobbing my heart out. I've finally realised my husband loves me but isn't in love anymore.

I'm so sorry for you. It sounds like you're in such a bad place but it's late, you're tired, and just plain exhausted with all of it. I am sure your 2 eldest don't hate you, they are self-absorbed teenagers who think parents don't have feelings and they can say anything they want to you.

First thing I would do is stop doing for the eldest. If they can't be respectful and decent, then they certainly do not deserve to have everything done for you.

Your youngest DC sounds darling. Hang onto that right now. You cannot leave him/her.

Did you tell your H that you went to a solicitor?

And I'd judge that most (or maybe even all) of us on this board have had dark nights as well, for a variety of reasons. You may be on the internet but you're not talking to a wall here.

*for them

Phew so glad you posted again x wipe those tears lovely lady xxx

I did tell him. He said I was a piece of work. That I'm selfish. And that he was not leaving the house. I have caught him twice with other women and I think he just sees me as an ungrateful house keeper. My ds (14 year old) really seems to hate me (sides with dh). 19 year old can be lovely but only if I am doing things for her.

I want to scoop up my baby and run away.

He had other women at your home?

Firstly your eldest are teenagers. Not all teenagers are like that with their mothers, but they are not likely to be the most considerate, thoughtful, loving people for their parents.

Then, they have probably learnt how to treat you from their father. They probably want to get on his good side, because his love is not unconditional like yours is.

I think you may well be surprised if you split up. When you make a stand for yourself and assert how you expect to be treated.

Hi Salford xxx I'm so sorry for your situation. It doesn't sound like you're a piece of work to me. I'm not surprised you're lonely. Maybe in a little while you and youngest could move out? But in a structured way? Planned? They've got too used to having a skivvy my lovely xxx

Then do it. Can you take your little one somewhere? The big ones will be fine. Take a few days to think and plan.

You deserve better xx

fathers and sons have a different relationship but i know he loves you. he's 14, he won't be aware of the effect he is having on you. He is probably following his fathes lead. My dd is not yet 19 but we don't have the tightest relationship, teenage girls are still thiknign about being a teenage girl.

Your youngest is clearly aware you are hurting, very perceptive. How are you feeling now?

Have you got anybody close (eg a friend of your own and not an acquaintance of the family) that you can talk to in real life?

You said you had no family but I wasn't sure whether you meant that you didn't feel your immediate family was working or whether you had parents, siblings etc?

I do think you need to move on things with the solicitor and either move out or get him out of the house, as you are a sahp.
Ignore his comments and do what is right for you. And your children, because at the moment they are being modeled in a dysfunctional family. :(

He won't change, no matter what you do or how much you try to work at the relationship.

I do think your children will realise who he really is when the dynamics change.

YOU'RE selfish? He's the one that's cheated on you, treats you rudely, and sets a poor example for your DC and YOU'RE the one who is selfish?

Okay now I am seeing red for you.

Anyone in real life you can call to talk to tonight? xx

OP I was in your situation a couple of years ago, long marriage, cheating dh, teenager, and I want to tell you that things will get better. I am now living happily as a single mum and my teenager slowly but surely became a lot nicer when we separated, he was just very confused trying to come to terms with his dads shitty behaviour and taking it out on the one person whose love he could rely on, his mum.

I spoke on here because I don't have family at all. No siblings. Parents are alcoholics. My best friend is tired of his behaviour. But equally charmed by him.

We have a little caravan on the coast. I think I will take my little one there tomorrow.

I'm not perfect. I'm really not.i don't doubt I'm just as to blame for what's happened but I wanted our marriage to work and every time I have come close to leaving he has made promises. Not this time though. I know it's over and so does he.

I can't afford to move anywhere. Who can these days?

I'm sorry I was so emotional and shouty earlier

no apology needed. did you see the samaritans number i gave you earlier? you talk, they listen. talking helps x

Thank you x

I used to come on here all the time but changed my email and password and can't remember a thing.

I just had to get it out.

I can't talk to Samaritans. I'm struggling to talk at all.

fair enough. doesn't have to be tonight. They'll still be there when you need them.

how are you feeling now?

A couple of days at the coast just you and your littlest sounds perfect.

You can get through this bit it's hard and it bloody hurts. (DP told me he didn't want to be with me any more 4 weeks ago after 10y). It's completely shit but you deserve better than being cheated on by and cleaning up after someone who doesn't respect you.

Of course you feel scared and tired and panicky, you've been together for 20 years. It'd be strange if you weren't feeling this way.

Hi Salford , i live near you ,have been through this exactly, i know how you feel, if you do live in Salford i would happily meet up with you and give you some support and hold your hand through this, i know the pain you are in and really hope you reach out, just message me xxx

You are not to blame for him cheating. Nothing excuses that. I bet you've been desperately trying to work on the marriage and all the time he's been making that impossible by cheating. You deserve better than that.

If you were to divorce him he may be the one who'd have to leave the house. Or if you decided to leave you may get all sorts of help and benefits. I didn't think I could afford to move out either but I did and I could. When you feel up to it make an appointment with the CAB they can tell you what you would be entitled to.

salford please don't feel you need to apologise. It sounds like your husband had been emotionally abusing you for years and has worn you own.

Taking some time away is a very good idea.

We're all here to listen and support you.

I don't actually live in Salford. Just a big Elbow fan.

I live in Kent. I feel like I have gone through an emotional tumble drier tonight. I'm really scared now. I feel like I'm