So I'm to fat to have sex with!!!

[Katecake]

Since I got pregnant (unplanned) things have gone from bad to worse, was already having issues regarding his drinking and some messages he sent to a ex while drunk and he really did not want the baby, he seemed to change his tune when I was 6 weeks and said he did and was looking forward to having baby!

So now this is where we are, in 16 weeks pregnant, I'm very slim and 5"6 and a size 8 being 4 months pregnant I have got a little pot belly really nothing major people at work etc havenot even noticed yet!

Since we got back together we have not had sex at all, not a cuddle anything! He constantly says things like we will have sex after the baby is born and I have got my figure back or that he could never get a hard on for a fat girl etc!

If I was 38 weeks I might understand this but I have always been lucky that even after 3 pregnancies in 3 years I have always snapped straight back to a very slim size 8 with no stretch marks etc and good boobs because I have implants from when I was 22!

Now my problems here are the ex he was messaging last year begging for sex was not the Slim 19 year old model he was with, 14 years later and a few kids she is holding a lot more weight!

He is actually making me feel shit about myself and it upsets me, we have spoken about this a few times over the last few weeks and still he has made no effort!

Today we had crossed words about it and he just went home claiming a a hormonal pregnant cow!

I'm just starting to think this might not be about how I'm looking at the moment maybe more that he just does not want this baby atall and is feeling trapped into having to do the right thing!

I just find myself crying every weekend, I feel gross and can't get my head round why he wouldn't want any intimacy with me (the girl he apprantly loves) but would message a overweight ex for sex!

just starting to wonder if it's worth it, should I just end it and let him off with the responsibility of being a father?

Oh dear these posts always turn messy!

Just to make clear again I was not making any negative comments about others weight nor was I trying to say that the ex was less attractive than me ( she is in fact a very pretty girl, bavk when he was with her she was a model) I was only commenting on how she is now overweight and how he could badger her for sex when apprantly he finds overweight women of any sort repulsive (his views not mine)

I thought it was important to explain in the post about my size etc to give you the full picture!

anyhow I have ended it now I'm I'm feeling better about myself already, so thanks to all who gave positive/encoruging opinions

Good for you Kate

Millyjones I just think sadly he is never going to grow up, the ex in question was the 19 year old model he left his first wife and baby son for! He said he made him feel young and good about himself again (he was 30 at the time)he stayed with her for 2 years until she left him for the msn she is now married to and had kids with!

He then just spent the next few years knocking about with young pretty girls and had one relationship for 3 years but again she left him as he just wouldn't grow up and commit!

When I met him he said he was ready to grow up and settle down etc and I am very different to anyone he has ever been out with in the fact I have 3 children something he thought he would never do!

Guess he couldn't do it and he is never going to be able to settle down with anyone!

Poor you Kate. Well if you already have three children then you will manage another one and do a bloody good job yourself. His loss isn't it. Silly man.

Bogey, what are the "accusers" accusing the OP of ?

Using "size" to make a point ?

It's all there.

The OP said that she is size 8
Her OH said that she is fat and needs to lose weight before he will have sex with her
He wants to have sex with his ex who is a few sizes bigger than OP

So OP didn't understand why he doesn't fancy her because he says she is fat but fancies this ex who is bigger.

Yep, it's all about the poundage

the point is, it isn't

< sigh >

oh n pregnnt milly

No your right . It isn't about the weight. Its about him still wanting to be with his ex and using the "fat" excuse to confuse and hurt the OP. And that is what the OP was saying.

Still, she has told him its over now.

What a hideous man!!

He's the only weight you need to lose!

AF I think you are deliberately missing the point to bang the drum!

The OP has been accused by you of implying that the OW is less attractive simply because she is bigger. No where, in the whole thread, has the OP done that. You read that into it for reasons of your own, but the OP didnt say that at all.

Turn it around then.

The OP is a 14 and the wanker says he wont have sex with her because she is too thin and he doesnt get turned on by thin women. But....he is texting his exGF night and day for sex, when she is a size 8. Would that be slagging the GF off or implying the GF is less attractive? No. It would simply be fact.

You are seeing what you want to see to fit your agenda.

And as I said earlier, if this was about shoe size or hair colour or .... I dunno....the car she drives, no one would have accused her of anything.

The fact that it was to do with size/weight is not down to the OP but the wanker ex, she was just telling us what he said compared to what he did, showing his bullshit and cowardice.

These things are never about shoe size or hair colour

What a strange argument

Bogey, read OP's posts again. She buys into this dickhead's ideas about what constitutes sexual worth in women. It's written all over her posts, including those she details with her ex podium-dancing mate.

Proud to be skinny again really quickly after childbirth check

Glad her breast implants keep 'em perky check

Looking back at photos of happy smiling skinny woman and comparing them with the more recent sad-faced chubbier woman check

Comparing herself directly with the fat woman as obviously being more sexually desirable, I mean "wtf does he see in her" check

Do all these things come across as someone with healthy body issues, or someone who makes the mistake of going along with female sexual competitiveness to win a man ?

IMO, Op has quite a lot to learn about herself here.

I is confused. And still a good size 12

If OP had no competitive body issues at all, her question would have been "what shall I do about my boyfriend who is messaging an ex to have sex with him?"

nobody has said those body issues issues are wrong just they they are buying into the wrong message

the message is that he is a dick

trying to explain why and how these men are dicks simply ties us in knots, engages patriarchy-based insecurities and pits women against each other

forget all that shit, that your tits are perkier than hers, she is older and uglier etc etc...think about your arguments is what I am saying

is my message so wrong ?

Nobody is saying your message is wrong AF, but that it is not entirely appropriate here on a thread where a woman came for support and ended up dumping the man in question.

She got the support she needed to do what she needed to do, but along the way got told she was slagging off the GF! I dont see that she was.

And her body issues are hers. I dont see someone judging themselves as superior on the basis of her body size, but someone who is a) happy with who they are and b) pointing out the bullshit that her (now ex) DP was coming out with.

I would also disagree that pointing out how and why some men behave like that is unhelpful. Surely if another woman who is being slagged off for her size by her OH (sadly, its quite common), comes across this thread she will realise that it isnt her size that is the issue but the OH.

This is a Relationships board on a female dominated website

if we cannot point out how some men behave to undermine women, and how some women make the mistake of going along with it, then we should all should shut up shop right now < shrug >

AF yes I agree!

Thats why I think its important that issues such as the OP's are gone into in detail.

He said she was fat, she felt like shit for a verrrry long time about that. He was trying to shag someone bigger than her. She was confused and hurt. Then she works out (with the help of MN) that for "fat" she should read "Pregnant and expecting me to act like a responsible adult who will care for his child". She dumped him.

I think that dispelling the "Dear Deidre" myths of "try some massage, blah blah" that imply that any woman can win back her man if she tries hard enough (for the sake of the kids) is very important. Detailing every single way that these types of men can, and do, undermine women is another weapon in the war against abuse. A woman who has lurked on MN, who is unhappy but thinks that it might her fault that her OH hates her and reads this, might just have a lightbulb moment. For that reason alone it is worth it.

Refusing to discuss size/age/weight for PC issues is a disservice to us all.

AF i attend a slimming world class And i sometimes see evidence of it there.

Not sure who has the body issues here, you or the OP.

Incidentally, I recommend every woman with a brain reads The Sun everyday. Specifically, the problem page.

This is the most read paper in the UK (I believe) and the "advice" peddled is terrifyingly mysoginistic. This is what boards like this need to work against.

Bogey, what are we disagreeing about here ?

The "its a woman who holds a marriage/family together" bollocks is what i was brought up with. Makes me sick.

:o

Well I thought we were... not sure now!

Thank tou bogey, milly and anyone else who can actually see what this post is about and for the support!

Anyfucker your really just getting your knickers in a twist over nothing!

This isn't about me having body issus, I didn't as I said I was very happy with my body and had no issues...... Until dickhead started calling me fat etc and making me feel bad and question myself, everyone else seemed to get the gist of my post, that it was nothing to do with weight he was just doing anything he can to be nasty!

Yes I have implants, got them long time ago because the one this I was unhappy with was my boobs or lack of them, I was a AA cup, had them done and very happy ..... So shoot me!

The post about my best friends weigh lost are not really that relevant to my post and actually directed at another poster about her battle with weight, you seemed to zoom in on anything there to moan about, yes I mentioned podium dancer purely to try and get across who my friend was, the troubles she has had for last 10 years and how she became a shadow of her self, I also mentioned lots about how much I admire her for coming out the other side and beating her anxiety etc!

And lastly once sgdin this is nothing to do with the ex size as explained previously (every other poster can seem to see it for what it is) it was mearly to try and set the scene almost, oh and just so you no the ex is not fat, old, or less attractive than me, she is in fact pretty, younger than me by a good few years, but this was never about me and body issues I appranenly have, this was about how he was contradicting everything he appranently thinks