So I'm to fat to have sex with!!!

[Katecake]

Since I got pregnant (unplanned) things have gone from bad to worse, was already having issues regarding his drinking and some messages he sent to a ex while drunk and he really did not want the baby, he seemed to change his tune when I was 6 weeks and said he did and was looking forward to having baby!

So now this is where we are, in 16 weeks pregnant, I'm very slim and 5"6 and a size 8 being 4 months pregnant I have got a little pot belly really nothing major people at work etc havenot even noticed yet!

Since we got back together we have not had sex at all, not a cuddle anything! He constantly says things like we will have sex after the baby is born and I have got my figure back or that he could never get a hard on for a fat girl etc!

If I was 38 weeks I might understand this but I have always been lucky that even after 3 pregnancies in 3 years I have always snapped straight back to a very slim size 8 with no stretch marks etc and good boobs because I have implants from when I was 22!

Now my problems here are the ex he was messaging last year begging for sex was not the Slim 19 year old model he was with, 14 years later and a few kids she is holding a lot more weight!

He is actually making me feel shit about myself and it upsets me, we have spoken about this a few times over the last few weeks and still he has made no effort!

Today we had crossed words about it and he just went home claiming a a hormonal pregnant cow!

I'm just starting to think this might not be about how I'm looking at the moment maybe more that he just does not want this baby atall and is feeling trapped into having to do the right thing!

I just find myself crying every weekend, I feel gross and can't get my head round why he wouldn't want any intimacy with me (the girl he apprantly loves) but would message a overweight ex for sex!

just starting to wonder if it's worth it, should I just end it and let him off with the responsibility of being a father?

Darkesteye I have seen my best friend go though it and I really admire the strength she found, she was in a very bad place not long ago and has come so far! We actually looked back through some old photos recently and both of us honestly could not believe that it was her in the pictures her face just seemed so different..... Sad almost!

I tell her everday how fantastic she looks and how well she has done but I also understand that she is the one going though if and she still feels like she is not quite there, she is also battling with lot of exess skin and sadly nothing she can do will get rid of it and I know this makes her very unhappy but slowly her confidence is growing!

Both of you sound obsessed with weighyt.

mamma i tried ww and couldnt cope with their stupid little calculator bollocks SW has a lot less counting involved Am planning to have cake on my birthday in June though. Ive refused everyone elses so i will have some then.

Darkest please don't think about diet pills, I have never heard a positive story come of them!

Nkf- I don't even know how much I weigh! Last time I was weighed was at my 6 week check with last dd, she is 7 now! Certainly not obsessed with weight

Thanks AF I wont. Im just feeling a bit frustrated. [thanks

He's put on weight. The other woman is heavier than you. That's why I think you sound obsessed with weight.

Agree with AF.

Also don't agree with this; "I like the size and shape I am and I have always been perfectly happy and comfortable with it" you had breast implants, you fuss about modifying your body in other ways in order to be perceived as attractive to men. You went as far as having surgery to implant foreign bodies in your chest... You risked interfering with the breast's natural function in order to make them look a certain way - to me that shows a deep unhappiness about your looks.

Instead of dumping this useless tosser you are worrying about whether he might really have been attracted to someone fat because that is slightly unbelievable to you.

And you wonder why your self esteem is rubbish. It isn't all to do with him.

IME 3rd pg is different and there is no 'snapping back', this may also happen to you and no matter whether it does or doesn't the looks will fade one day and given how your entire self worth seems to be based on them what will you do then?

OP, are you going to do anything about your dickhead partner?

I hope any children of yours are not absorbing the shocking lessons that both of you appear to be giving them.

I agree that you both seem to be a bit obsessed with weight and size. So perhaps you might be suited after all.

Kate i have excess skin too But it didnt stop my ex OM being turned on by me.
There ARE decent men out there. They are just a bit harder to find. And if there is a good connection and sexual chemistry there like there was with us there is no comparison

Darkest....yeah ww was just boring. You're allowed anything but the counting just got on my nerves! Might try sw at some point. Need to dig deep for will power first, you're an inspiration! Defo don't do diet pills tho...dodgy ground!

Katecake You need to ditch the lump of lard you went back to. Seriously, your self esteem has taken a nose dive because of being constantly exposed to his belittling.

You make a point of saying the other woman was larger. What he was getting at here by then also going on about your weight; is that not matter what you do, in his eyes you will always be hideously (insert random negative thing about your body or character here).

The only thing he likes about you is that you stick around for him to belittle. That's what he really wants, that's what makes him feel god about himself, to dismantle someone else and have them crawling on their belly humiliating themselves trying to live up to his impossible image. You fail because he moves the goal posts, he doesn't want you to succeed he wants you constantly prostrate begging his forgiveness and saying you'll try harder and be better.

The biggest mistake people can make is trying to stay in a relationship that doesn't work for the sake of the children. All that happens is the children learn that an abusive, unbalanced and dysfunctional lifestyle is all they can hope for and they will copy it in their adult lives.

Do this on your own and teach your child to be the total opposite of him and to value people for who they are because they will never learn that lesson from him.

Anyfucker I ended it a hour ago, he wouldn't answer phone so just texted saying I think the issues run deeper than just not wanting to have sex with me because I have gained a few pounds in early pregnancy And the total lacy of any intimacy has more to do with him not really wanting the baby/family life etc and that he just feels like it's been forced on him! So think we should both just be honest that we are both not happy and leave it at that!

He just texted back saying "katecake it's what you wanted for while now so ill just leave you to it"

Are you ok?

I mean did you have a feeling or has it come as a shock?

Umm I think he response has come as a little shock, think it's almost confirmed what I thought he wanted a easy way out without having to be the bad one, we did split when I was 6 weeks pregnsnt because of his terrible behaviour towards me when we found out and he did do all the chasing to get back together!

I think deep down no matter what he says he really does not want the baby/family life so he is prob relieved I have ended it!

Just thinking back to telephone convo he was on yesterday morning, I walked down in my black/white dressing gown and he commented to his friend something about pregnancy being repulsive and that I moan because his doesn't want to have sex with a gross fat cow!

Sorry it's ended so suddenly, but it sounds like you'll be better off without him.

That is horrible what he said in your last post.

So now you know and have to face up to whole different set of circumstances.

This man has been making your life difficult as he is to weak to admit to what he did/didnt want so he was nasty to you to provoke you into ending it. He is weak and a coward.

He seriously sounds horrendous. His friends must also be socks because the friend he was on the phone to should've told him he sounded vile....

Well done for ending it. focus on you and your baby...

I'm ok, like I said we were having problems before I got pregnant and wouldn't be together now if the pregnancy didn't happen!

Feel a little hurt that it's clearly what he wanted, just wish he could of been more of a man and just say that he didn't want baby instead of begging me back with lies, guess it's easier for him this way because he doesn't feel like the chant who has had to finish it because it's not what he wants

He doesnt want to be the bastard that dumped his pregnant GF so he did this in order for you to dump him. I doubt he ever wanted you back at all, but as I say, didnt want to be the shit in this.

What he does now as regards to his child will be far more telling though.

'He just texted back saying "katecake it's what you wanted for while now so ill just leave you to it"'

Disgusting. An utterly, utterly vile response when you are pregnant with his baby. He is a pathetic, immature, selfish, shallow (insert several more adjectives, none complimentary) tosser.

I hope you are okay. Are you going to be able to manage? You seem quite calm, but that may be shock.

Bogeyface your right, he does have a son who to be honestly he hasn't been great with over the years, he has always paid his maintence and seen him though!

Guess now I just wait and see if/when he contacts me regarding baby, and his intentions

Red room I will be fine, I brought up my 3 DC for over 5 years (they were all under 5) so I know I'm perfectly capable, do feel little sad that I'm bringing baby into the world in this situation but then again I did decide to go ahead with the pregnancy with the intention of doing it on my own as he made perfectly clear he didn't want it!

You are better off without that twat, and you know it

Well done, and stay strong now