Inviting a Crossdresser on your Hen Night

[rachelmonday1]

I'm actually a guy that enjoys crossdressing and am very fortunate to have a number of female friends, one of whom is getting married and has invited me to join her friends on her Hen Night. I don't look too bad when I'm dressed as Rachel and often go out with the girls with no problems.

I'm happily married and my wife understands the "Rachel" side of me, but thinks it's odd that a girl would invite a crossdresser on her Hen Night.

Any views out there?

I would say that isn't gender, it's sex. Or it's biology. Because saying it's biology allows you to acknowledge that it's simply about physicality and not any kind of judgement about how people identify - and of course, some people's bodies don't completely fit the binary, yet we only have a binary concept of gender.

If we got rid of the concept of gender, I do strongly believe people would no longer feel the need for surgery (including all the procedures women put themselves through to look 'better'). But I can't prove that.

So why don't you just go as a man then? They might have only seen you dressed as a woman but you are still 'you'. What makes you think they wouldn't like you as a man?

It's not surprising. It's absolutely expected and denoted by identifying as a crossdresser tbh!

I agree with that LRD - it's a useful distinction to make.

In no way do I conciously set out to offend anybody and I have never received any comments or negative reactions when out. I can only apologise if this thread is offending anyone.

I wonder about 'feminine' body language.

See ... my feeling is, if you are comfortable with this body language - if doing it makes you suddenly feel 'oh, I feel better now!' - then you should do it. But why label it 'feminine'?

The problem is, once you label it feminine, you reinforce the idea that there is such a thing as 'feminine' body language, and you make it so much harder for anyone who's been socialized as a woman to break out of that cage.

Fairenuff: I'm going as Rachel, because I love going out as Rachel and am looking forward to a great night out!

It's not offending anyone. I'm just taking the opportunity to articulate why I think this is a negative thing. If I met you on a night out I would not launch into this rant. If I had you as a friend I would probably have these discussions with you.

I don't think you are trying to mock women, I think you are trying to express yourself but the effect it has and the things it is founded on should be discussed I think.

LRDtheFeministDragon: But my body language is no different to that of the people that I'm with, so I fail to see the issue.

Cross post.

rachel, you're not offending me by posting it! I'm just trying to explain why I have a problem and I hope I'm not doing it in a totally arsey way.

Loads of people won't be offended.

Loads more will not even think about it.

I'm not even vaguely 'offended' by someone wearing clothes that are typically associated with the opposite gender, or using body language they feel comfortable with, or whatever.

What I am offended by would be someone having an idea of what is 'feminine' and deciding that, every once in a while, for fun, they would act that out and they would call it being 'feminine' (or 'being rachel' as opposed to 'being ross'). Because that is reinforcing a stereotype that helps keep women down.

Gah, cross posted again.

I don't understand?

Your body language is identical to that of a group, of whom you've only met a third? How do you know?

I'm going as Rachel, because I love going out as Rachel

But that wasn't what I asked really. I asked why you wouldn't be welcome as yourself?

It just comes naturally, from the point at which I start getting ready. No idea why, but I just find that I really enjoy the femininity (that word again) of it all :)

I'm with Offred and LRD.

I once went to a black tie do in black tie, mostly on account of not raising sufficient interest to find a dress. Everyone complimented me, but I am fairly sure that if a man had turned up in a cocktail dress, it wouldn't have been seen so positively.

It doesn't really make sense. There's nothing innate about particular clothing. We don't question men who wear kilts, or churchmen in their robes, which are basically long dresses, and certainly we don't question women who wear trousers these days. So it's just fashion and social convention which makes us question a man in a skirt when they're out and about. There might be particular items of underwear which are aimed at just one sex, and shirts and trousers tend to be differently cut for men or women, but apart from that, none of it is that important.

It does seem odd to me if you're the only man invited, though. I have nothing against men going on a hen-do, but just one man, that doesn't feel quite right to me.

But could you not enjoy it as Richard? If not why not given you are actually the same person.

My body language changes and when I'm out I slip easily into conversations with the girls....all sorts of topics from politics to current affairs and from relationships to fashion!

Yes i could enjoy it as Richard, but I'm looking forward to enjoying it as Rachel

I have felt excluded from certain really sexist environments because the way men reacted to me excluded me but the answer is that sexism is bad and should be opposed and not that I should try to ape men in order to be accepted because that actually just perpetuates the whole thing.

I'm not offended either, it's just clothes and there are a lot more crossdressers out and about in public these days so it's definitely becoming more ordinary in our society.

I do wonder about your friendship choices though, it sounds like you are afraid they won't like you unless you act like a woman.

And the fact that you perpetuate female stereotyping. If you wanted to fit in with different group of women, you would probably go to the pub in your jeans and drink wine. This particular group that you have met are also conforming to the stereotype.

But ... if it comes naturally, why label it 'femininity'?

I mean, I'm glad it comes naturally because I admit, I read this thread and it sounded as if you were deliberately going for a 'stereotype of Woman' thing which is a bit off.

But you know, if it feels natural, it's just you. That's fine. Go with it.

ebear's post reminds me - I wore a tux to my school leaver's disco (jesus that's a long time ago! ). That doesn't make me 'masculine'. It was just what I felt comfortable in.

It's just ... by making this into a 'masculine versus feminine' thing, you're perpetuating this idea that being feminine necessarily involves dressing up in a certain way, and having a certain kind of body language.

But your body language changing, you say you enjoy. You say it changes when you are rachel and that's what you enjoy. Do you actually mean you enjoy being accepted as part of the group and that doing these things results in you being accepted.

These people I believe are actually also buying wholeheartedly into sexist stereotypes tbh.

I'm sorry to hear that Offred, but my point is the exact opposite, in that I'm not being excluded from any group and am being accepted for who and what I am.

Then why do you say they wouldn't invite you as yourself?