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Original poster

Inviting a Crossdresser on your Hen Night

601 replies

rachelmonday1 · 04/04/2014 16:08

I'm actually a guy that enjoys crossdressing and am very fortunate to have a number of female friends, one of whom is getting married and has invited me to join her friends on her Hen Night. I don't look too bad when I'm dressed as Rachel and often go out with the girls with no problems.

I'm happily married and my wife understands the "Rachel" side of me, but thinks it's odd that a girl would invite a crossdresser on her Hen Night.

Any views out there?

OP posts:
Ivehearditallnow · 04/04/2014 17:51

But it is bloody brave. Especially with ignorant judgemental idiots out there.

Have fun OP.

specialsubject · 04/04/2014 17:52

oh well, missed the memo again. I had a mixed gender 'hen' party over 20 years ago. Qualification for attending was 'be a friend that I would like to have along to celebrate the occasion'

as far as I am aware no-one was a cross-dresser, but they would have been welcome if they were.

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 04/04/2014 17:54

Ivehearditallnow:
Don't worry, no-one is upsetting me hear. I asked for everyones opinions and should not therefore get upset if they are negative to my question. I'm going and I'm will have a fab time.

badbaldingballerina123:
My wife doesn't know the Hen or any of the girls going. For that reason, she chose not to come. She and I do go out though, so it's not my choice of attire that is stopping her. Before you ask how I know these girls...that's a very, very long story for another time. I'd be happy to tell it, but maybe on a separate thread.

OP posts:
MoominIsEightNinthsManatee · 04/04/2014 17:55

Isn't feminism about our right to choose?

Y'know, like our right to choose to have a stereotypically 'girly' hen night, if we want to? And our right to wear dresses and high heels, regardless of sex or gender?

As opposed to having to sit around muttering about the injustice of men being allowed to breathe, and having to wear nothing but clothes dictated to us by the feminists,

Ivehearditallnow · 04/04/2014 17:56

That's all I need to hear. Have a good weekend everyone (even the grumpies) Wine

Ivehearditallnow · 04/04/2014 17:56

Cheers Moomin! Smile

badbaldingballerina123 · 04/04/2014 17:57

Offred why does it require sexist beliefs ? I'm not being deliberately challenging , I've never thought about it.

Offred · 04/04/2014 18:00

It is nothing to do with the clothes. It is to do with calling yourself a crossdresser, calling yourself rachel, going out with 'the girls' and why you are wearing specific clothes. As I said man wearing clothes which are usually associated with women, not sexist, man crossdressing, sexist.

I'm trying to deal with the dc at tea time, will be back for more detail.

GimmeDaBoobehz · 04/04/2014 18:03

I have a friend (J) who likes to dress up occasionally. If he wanted to come to my hen night, I'd have no problem with it as long as it wasn't something that could get us into trouble i.e. him being in the girls changing room.

But if he wanted to go out for drinks as his female personality, I'd have no problem with it at all as long as his girlfriend didn't mind it. But he might want to go with the stag do, which is also fine.

So personally I wouldn't mind, but some people might. I'd hope my friends wouldn't though, otherwise they wouldn't be very good friends IMHO.

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 04/04/2014 18:08

This has all become very interesting, even though it's slightly off of the topic of my original question.

Maybe it's me and the Crossdresser "label" that I've used, although the common understanding of it is where a member of one gender wears the clothes normally associated with the other. This is what I do from time to time, although I do "change" my body shape, wear make-up and a wig, which I think is the point that Offred is making.

For me, I'm very happy as a guy, but am also very happy to embrace my feminine side. Again, I think in Offreds view, it's my male side dictating a typically male stereotype of what "feminine" is. To me it happens to be dresses, skirts, makeup and perfume. I think this is the issue.

OP posts:
LordPalmerston · 04/04/2014 18:22

It's so often an Elsie tanner look. :(

Beachcomber · 04/04/2014 18:24

I agree with Offred.

Men fetishizing the trappings of femininity pisses me off.

Because the trappings of femininity are born out of systematic institutionalized oppression of women as a class by men as a class. And I'm a woman and I don't like being around men who are enjoying portraying a misogynistic stereotype of my class.

I'm going out with some friends from Martinique this weekend - maybe I should black my face and wear a bright headdress. Then again maybe not as they would find me to be deeply offensive and hideously crass if I did.

OP you are no doubt perfectly nice and I would be perfectly nice to you on a hen night but I would feel like handing you a copy of 'Beauty and Misogyny'.

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 04/04/2014 18:26

LordPalmerston: True, but I hope not in my case :)

Beachcomber: I welcome all views....and I may look for that book :)

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 04/04/2014 18:32

If you were my friend I would invite you to my hen night.

Beachcomber · 04/04/2014 18:35

I hope you do look it up. It will give you an insight into the feelings behind views such as mine and Offred's.

What to you is 'embracing your feminine side' is 'member of dominant class having fun with and fetishizing aspects of my class's subjugation' to me.

Fairenuff · 04/04/2014 18:44

I don't even know why you needed to mention crossdressing OP. You could have just said "'Im going on my female's friend's hen night and my wife thinks it's odd because I'm male, what does everyone else think?"

What has crossdressing got to do with it?

MostWicked · 04/04/2014 18:59

Rachel - go with option 2, the green top and brunette. You'll look fabulous, hope you have a great time. None of my friends would have a problem with you coming along to a hen night.

Offred - your objection seems to be about the term "crossdressing", so it is fine for a man to wear a dress, make-up, high heels etc, as long as there is no implication that he is dressing like a woman, because clothing should not define gender, anyone should be able to wear what they want.
While it's an interesting argument, I don't understand "The whole idea of 'crossdressing' is toxic and sexist" Why is is toxic and sexist? Why can some clothes, not be more generally worn by women? How can that be sexist? So a woman can wear a skirt and that isn't sexist, a man can wear the same skirt and that isn't sexist, but if the man wears the skirt because he likes dressing like a woman, that becomes sexist?

Beachcomber: Because the trappings of femininity are born out of systematic institutionalized oppression of women as a class by men as a class. And I'm a woman and I don't like being around men who are enjoying portraying a misogynistic stereotype of my class

What a load of bollocks!
I wear a dress because I like wearing a dress, not because I am systematically institutionalized or oppressed.
And I don't think you and Offred agree anyway. You seem to object to feminine clothing, whereas Offred doesn't object to the clothing, just calling it feminine!

Benchmark · 04/04/2014 19:28

Rachel, perhaps change your title to ' inviting man who likes dressing up in what some might call feminine clothing to hen do' and everyone will be happy.
In terms or your actual question, I personally am unsure about it just because it feels like they are asking you BECAUSE you cross dress, almost like you're the entertainment for the night. I guess only you know if you're comfortable with that. You might like that kind of attention in which case you should do what makes you happy.

Fairenuff · 04/04/2014 19:31

Or just 'Inviting a man on your hen night'?

Benchmark · 04/04/2014 19:36

Simply 'inviting a man on your hen night' would be missing the vital piece of information that he will be wearing women's clothing. I don't think they would be inviting him if this wasn't the case.

KittyAndTheFontanelles · 04/04/2014 19:38

My friend and his boyfriend came on mine. I see it as a night for the 'hen' and her friends whoever they may be; male, female, gay, straight, cross dressing, whatever. If the hen invited you then she wants you there. What could be wrong about that?

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 04/04/2014 19:48

MostWicked: thanks for the tip.....I'll let you know what I decide on :)

Benchmark: You're right. I wouldn't be invited if I was to go as my male self. The Hen and the girls that know me, only know me as Rachel and we've had many fun nights out together. Whether the other 10 or so girls see me as a figure of fun remains to be seen. Some may and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it :)

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 04/04/2014 19:48

Simply 'inviting a man on your hen night' would be missing the vital piece of information that he will be wearing women's clothing. I don't think they would be inviting him if this wasn't the case

Why wouldn't they invite him? He has been invited as a friend of the bride.

Benchmark · 04/04/2014 19:58

Well Rachel it sounds like you know what you're potentially letting yourself in for. It's highly likely you will have a fab night, I say go for it!

Fairenuff · 04/04/2014 20:00

You're right. I wouldn't be invited if I was to go as my male self

What? What the hell kind of friends are these that don't want to know you as yourself?

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