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Original poster

Inviting a Crossdresser on your Hen Night

601 replies

rachelmonday1 · 04/04/2014 16:08

I'm actually a guy that enjoys crossdressing and am very fortunate to have a number of female friends, one of whom is getting married and has invited me to join her friends on her Hen Night. I don't look too bad when I'm dressed as Rachel and often go out with the girls with no problems.

I'm happily married and my wife understands the "Rachel" side of me, but thinks it's odd that a girl would invite a crossdresser on her Hen Night.

Any views out there?

OP posts:
Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 05/04/2014 12:56

This debate could roll on forever. I certainly never ridicule women and, don't forget, that they INVITED me. Would they do that if they felt ridiculed.

I have to be out at 4:00, so I'm off for some lunch before getting ready for what, I'm sure, will be a night that all concerned consider to be fun.

Sorry if this offends anyone, it's not intention and I do respect your views. I don't have to agree with them though and that is NOT a generalised male response. Many women have commented in the same way an this thread and many more have PM'd me with there views and support.

Have a great weekend everyone :)

OP posts:
Offred · 05/04/2014 12:56

And yes women have more choice but they're ridiculed for being women it doesn't matter how they dress. Men are ridiculed for being men only in the kind of sexist environment that exists in a hen do where the man has to disempower by dressing as a woman in order to be allowed to go or where they may look 'feminine'. They are being ridiculed in order to disempower them, they are dressing as women in order to disempower and be ridiculed... I suspect it's part of the point somewhat...

Offred · 05/04/2014 12:58

How do you know though bench?

IME no-one has cared when men I've been with who weren't aping women have worn makeup/skirts/tops etc.

Offred · 05/04/2014 12:58

In a lot of circles it is pretty normal in fact.

Lweji · 05/04/2014 12:59

Yes, they do, but they are "special". Eddie has had to explain his dress choices, ensuring people he's not really gay. David and his sarongs were all over the news.

I suppose a man could be brave and start showing up at work in skirts. He could brave the first reactions and keep doing it until other people thought it was normal. The same with make up and painted nails.

How would that work for you, Rachel?

Maybe women in general are braver than men.

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:00

Rachel - I'm sure that woman that invited you and the ones you know don't feel ridiculed but there is other evidence they also buy into these stereotypes so why would they? That doesn't tell you anything about whether what you are doing ridicules/is offensive to women as a group though.

Fairenuff · 05/04/2014 13:00

We don't know how much the OP actually changes in behaviour when he dresses up

Lweji, this is what OP said earlier

I most definitely adopt a more feminine body language (that's going to spark some response) in the way that I walk, sit, subjects of conversation, drinks............allsorts!

I get the impression that he is either

(a) putting on a show because he enjoys the attention or
(b) that he feels he has to put on a show or he will not be accepted.

He has said that he would not be welcome as himself, so I suspect it's (b).

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:01

Maybe women in general are braver than men.

Urgh... What a ridiculous comment...

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:03

Maybe women in general can't opt out/in of being ridiculed for being female.

Theoldhag · 05/04/2014 13:04

Lordy! Live and let live, i think it is great that guys can wear 'womans' clothes just as women can now wear what used to be termed 'mens' clothes. Ffs why not just have CLOTHES without the need to prefix them with women/mens??? Hmm

Rachel you look totally fab in your photos, I love your style and your make up is divine. Have fun, a thought about your wife, is she able to join you in hen do celebrations?

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:06

Have to say that view is not one I want to have, nor is it that the ridiculing comes only from men. It's my reluctant conclusion based on my experience of being an adult woman for the last 11/12 years.

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:07

why not just have CLOTHES without the need to prefix them with women/mens

Yes, why not? That's exactly how I feel. Tis not me prefixing them.

Benchmark · 05/04/2014 13:08

I don't feel ridiculed for being female, quite the opposite in fact!

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:09

Or behaviour or interests or permitted socialising... Not even about the clothes, is about the aping...

Fairenuff · 05/04/2014 13:09

Socially acceptable dress for males and females differs according to religion and culture and is changing all the time.

There is no reason at all why it should not be common for men to wear skirts out and about in their daily lives. It only seems unusual at the moment because of the current English culture.

All men wore skirts originally. Trousers for men came later and, for women much, much later of course. It's not a new thing but it is fashion led.

Crossdressing in the OP's way does nothing to help change the current trends but the point is that he doesn't want to wear a skirt as a man.

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:10

Interesting - what do you feel society/people feel about you being female then bench?

Fairenuff · 05/04/2014 13:12

i think it is great that guys can wear 'womans' clothes just as women can now wear what used to be termed 'mens' clothes.

Me too. But I don't see the need to stuff a bra and act like a woman. Women don't put socks down their trouser fronts, after all.

Ffs why not just have CLOTHES without the need to prefix them with women/mens???

Again I agree. But then, this is not about clothes, it's about actions.

slugseatlettuce · 05/04/2014 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:18

Slugs - women can do all that whilst being ridiculed/harassed for being female. Men get harassed only when aping or seen as aping women or when they try to enter a sexist female only environment like this hen do. Is my point.

Fairenuff · 05/04/2014 13:19

you're still suggesting there's an "acceptable" way for men to wear skirts/make up and that by dressing in a very overtly feminine way op is somehow demeaning women

OP says he dresses like a woman. Does he dress like me? No.

OP only has one view of women. Short skirts, low tops, stuffed bra, high heels, etc. This is what is meant by 'demeaning women'.

Reducing us all to a 'look' and an 'act'.

EBearhug · 05/04/2014 13:19

Transwomen who try to blend in (even though some clearly do try to live up to a fantasy female image) are still seen as an object of ridicule to be laughed at, abused and pointed out.

I'm not sure that's always true. We have a transwoman at work, and certainly there was talk when it was first announced that henceforth, Fred would be known as Harriet (not actually either of those names.) But I think now, you just see a normal-looking middle-aged women and those who never knew her as Fred would never guess. Which has all lead me to consider that there could be loads of trans people around who have successfully blended in, and that's why I would have no idea they haven't always been that way.

Benchmark · 05/04/2014 13:23

Half of society is female. I feel empowered to be a woman. I have so many choices, are you saying I should feel oppressed? By what? Genuinely interested as perhaps I'm naive.
I work somewhere with equal opportunities where people are free to express themselves, particularly women. I feel respected by male colleagues and male friends. I would rather be a woman than a man.

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:26

I work somewhere with equal opportunities where people are free to express themselves, particularly women.

That isn't equal opportunities. Women are not special or different. What you're expressing is just a different kind of sexism.

slugseatlettuce · 05/04/2014 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 05/04/2014 13:30

I can't leave the house without people making comments about me. In pubs I have been grabbed by men repeatedly, shouted at in the street. Been told I shouldn't bother doing law because it isn't accepting of women. In the political thins I go to there is constant "fun" ridiculing of 'nagging wives' and treating of women differently by judging their appearance. I've given up hobbies in the past because people could not relate to me as a person rather than a woman (either mother or some kind of sex object). A man a couple of weeks ago tricked me into a date and then spent a long time getting me to justify in detail why I wouldn't date him because obviously me being a woman all I'm interested in is a man whose interested in me.