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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help with text to finally end relationship please?

54 replies

endlessdrudgery · 01/04/2014 20:00

I am feeling very angry, hurt and let down. Have just written a fantasy text to my stbxp. Does the following seem a little harsh? Opinions and suggestions please! (sort of lightheartedish)

'Ok so now I get it - you don't actually give a toss about me. It's what I suspected but today has confirmed all my doubts. Or perhaps this is my 'punishment' for not finding the crumbs of affection you give me enough? Even after everything you couldn't even bring yourself to say 'I love you' last night. Don't bother contacting me again (not that you would bother). I can do so much better, you sad emotionally stunted loser.'

If you ever get the chance to have a relationship again I would suggest;
A: The occasional compliment
B: Expressing some affection
C: Some foreplay

OP posts:
Puddles1234 · 01/04/2014 20:03

That sounds perfect. Straight to the point yet constructive. Send it.

handfulofcottonbuds · 01/04/2014 20:03

I'm sorry you're in the situation.

How about simply, "it's over, don't contact me again"

onetiredmummy · 01/04/2014 20:04

Sounds good. I would perhaps use fuck instead of toss & leave out the (not that you would bother) as it sounds more whingy & less angry, but other than that it gets across what you mean.

Are you OK?

Clargo55 · 01/04/2014 20:05

It's too emotionally involved, you are letting him win.

'I no longer wish to be in a relationship with you, please do not contact me again.' This would make you look more dignified, with your head held high.

gamerchick · 01/04/2014 20:05

dont send all of that.

Just tell him it's over and not to contact you again.

Ragwort · 01/04/2014 20:05

Don't send that.

Just keep it absolutely simple as hand suggests. Don't give him the satisfaction of an 'explanation' - worse case scenario he will make your text public as a source of amusement. Don't lower yourself to his level.

Clargo55 · 01/04/2014 20:06

And certainly lose the ABC part.

RedRoom · 01/04/2014 20:06

I'd get rid of the 'not that you would bother' because that implies he has control over you. The rest is grand, esp the foreplay bit, if he really has been that much of a knob to you.

vulgarwretch · 01/04/2014 20:07

Sorry you are feeling hurt and let down.

That text seems like a good way to either get a pointless apology or start an argument. And I don't think you're really going to feel good about having sent.

If you actually want to end the relationship I suggest 'Our relationship is not making me happy, and I'd like to end it. Best wishes for the future.'

nkf · 01/04/2014 20:07

I don't think I would do it by text. And I would say less that made me sound sad and disappointed. I hope you get over him soon.

RedRoom · 01/04/2014 20:07

I don't think there will be a mn consensus on this one, going on the responses so far! Send him whatever you think is clear, dignified and final.

Original poster
endlessdrudgery · 01/04/2014 20:07

Thanks - so maybe I'm a bit too angry at the moment to be texting?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/04/2014 20:08

Keep don't send.

Send him "you sad emotionally stunted loser, you are the weakest link, goodbye"

Ragwort · 01/04/2014 20:08

Actually, don't put it in 'writing' as in a text, just a quick phone call would be better.

DebbieOfMaddox · 01/04/2014 20:10

That's a novel, not a text. If you want to end it by text, go for something like "I've given it more thought since last night, and this relationship is definitely over. Please don't contact me again."

BOFtastic · 01/04/2014 20:10

"This isn't working for me- I'd like us to call it a day. No need to reply- in fact I'd prefer you not to contact me again. Best of luck for the future :-)"

No drama.

BillyBanter · 01/04/2014 20:10

some foreplay is a good touch to end on!

Do you want to invite discussion?

I would cut it down to something like 'Your behaviour/actions last night confirmed all my doubts about our relationship. It's over. I can do so much better than this. Do not contact me again.'

If/when he replies you do not respond no matter how provoked.

handfulofcottonbuds · 01/04/2014 20:11

I would always advise (sadly from my own experience) to write a text, type an email and then wait 24 hours before sending it. If you feel the same then send it.

I thought the same as vulgarwretch, it opens it up to an argument either via text or phone call. I now know that keeping it simple and to the point is the best way.

How long were you together?

niceupthedance · 01/04/2014 20:11

If he has only been giving you crumbs of affection then I would be minded to only give him crumbs of an explanation and just cut him off dead, as pp have suggested.

HermioneWeasley · 01/04/2014 20:12

Definitely short and dignified is the way forward

Original poster
endlessdrudgery · 01/04/2014 20:12

I know a text is cowardly but if I call him he will make me feel guilty and wrong Sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
endlessdrudgery · 01/04/2014 20:13

Handful - together three years.

OP posts:
Original poster
endlessdrudgery · 01/04/2014 20:15

Some good suggestions thank you

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 01/04/2014 20:17

I hope you find someone who treats you how you want. Life is too short to waste on those who don't make us happy.

Springheeled · 01/04/2014 20:18

That's not an ending text though, it's a conversation starter.