How do you think you would have reacted if it was the other woman who told you about her affair with dh?

[ThreeTimesALady]

Assuming she's not somebody that you know, or have ever met.

Would it be worse than finding out for yourself?

Would you be glad you finally knew the truth either way?

I've been in a similar situation, and it's not easy. (situation was slightly different - I was cheating on a boyfriend, no DC, and had no idea OM was married, but still...similar)

I was obsessed with a man who is really not worth a second thought. Why on earth did you get into this relationship? How did you think it would end?

Walk away. If you say anything you'll only end up regretting it - and if anything you'll drive them closer together. You've got no idea what their relationship is actually like, and you don't owe him anything (and he might actually be relieved for not having to have to work up the guts to end it with you or tell his wife himself).

It hurts like hell and it's like coming off drugs. Spend time with your children. Go to the doctor and get some antidepressants if you need to.

Why did you marry your husband in the first place? There must've been something good there? And for you to actually want to have children with him? Count yourself lucky to have them - at least you will never have a 'if I end this I might never have kids' worry. Sorry if that sounds glib.

If you want to leave your marriage that's a different thing. But this guy is not worth the heartache, and in the meantime you are not even giving your husband a chance to work on your relationship.

It's hard for me to be sympathetic towards you op but it's really quite simple. To OM your just a shag and always will be. You need to leave your husband if you're that unhappy and have some self respect and dump the OM.

Find someone who wants only you and vice versa. A lot of people are going to get hurt because of what you two have done. I feel sorry for the kids in all this tbh. You should've left your DH years ago and no you should definitely not be the one to tell her

If your marriage is so miserable then that is where your energies need to be spent. Either give up the affair and invest yourself in saving your marriage, or invest your energies in preparing your exit from the marriage.
I suspect that if you are single the affair will lose its palatability for the other party anyway.
Do not tell the wife. It is their relationship to destroy or save. You have two relationships of your own to sort out.

Happened to me, I was she'll shocked, especially as other woman used to charge him 100 per session. Other woman was married and husband new about my ex husband. Got a phone call at 4am four years ago. Does not matter how you find out, it hurts

Have not read entire post. Life for us all can be painful when reality does not align with wishes. To learn of lengthy deceit is a head fuck, as well as painful. Do not be the one to deliver this. You are party to this but one step removed and you would only compound the impact of the deceipt that will inevitably be known one day. I was on the receiving end of these games once, swore I would never be again, but bugger me have been again...and am struggling hard not to be bitter.