Trust Issues

[twoofakind]

Hello all.

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We met on a dating website, I thought he was way out of my league....looks wise! he is spits of Ryan Reynolds!! Anyway, we hit it off and things seem to be going well, ish!

He is a medic in the army, all his team are married but are also cheating on their wifes....he says to me he hates cheats and would never do it. But i remember asking him before if he has cheated and he said yes, a friend of mine also said he cheated on a girl just before meeting me, he swears he didnt.

Ive told him how I feel, that he can do better than me ( i am a separated wife with 2 young children, he has no baggage!)

He says he loves me and im the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Hes talked about moving in with me too.

His best friend has just separated from his wife, saying he doesnt love her anymore, but I know hes cheating cause my bf told me. My bf says he doesnt want to get involved in their issues but he obvioulsly is.

Im just really paranoid that he is, not cheating, but just texting other women.
A couple weeks ago I found he had put a new picture up on his profile on this dating web we met on, I confronted him about it and he said his email must have been hacked.
I told him a few weeks ago that another guy id met online text me to see how i was doing, he wasnt happy about this and brings it up now and again. He went on a night out on Saturday and at 3 in the morning rang me...drunk...we couldnt make out what each other was saying, he ended up putting the fone down on me then sending me a text saying ' clearly your with someone else, it doesnt matter'

He ended up coming back to mine later on, he was rather drunk! He wanted sex but i refused, he didnt moan, just passed out! He didnt apologise the day after.

When he comes he is really strange with his fone too, he takes it to the toilet with him, has a pin on it which he never use to.

Maybe im just being paranoid. i dont know. I love him so much, and he says the same, alhough he isnt the kind for lovey dovey so he doesnt say it in a serious way.

I dont know what to think at all.

I text him and he doesnt reply for hours!

Im sick of feeling like this everyday, wondering what hes doing, if he is texting someone else. Its not fair on me or him, I dont know whether to tell him how im feeling still.??

Then it sounds like your simply a weekend fuck unfortunately.

Sarcasm is the lowest form.

Only to be used occasionally, not constantly by those that know how

twoofakind

You are naïve, I learned the hard way too.

And where in my post did i say we did?? We dont always do that! He comes on a friday, makes me a meal, then we go to our pub. Saturday, we snuggle on the sofa watching films, or if the kids are here we take them out. Sunday we are preparing the roast most of the day. We play fight throughout the weekend, make each other laugh and watch films, just generally spend a nice time together.

I already know im naive! m willing to take the chance but keeping my eyes open at the same time. thanks.

This won't end well.

A half hour drive , or a return journey of a hour , does not cost 30 in petrol. Most people drive that distance and more on a daily basis for work. I do.

Like a married couple ? Past the dating stage ? After just a few months ? He's just not into you.

Look , dossing around at your place is probably a bit more interesting than spending it on the base. Past the dating stage , married couple ect equates to can't be arsed to make an effort anymore . I dread to think what effort he will be making after a year if he describes your relationship like that at this stage.

if hes not into me, and we dont shag that much then why, after the grief ive give him the past couple weeks, is he still here??!!
And did I mention what car he has??? not all cars cost the same in petrol per mileage!

Does it take most of the day to prepare a roast ?

Jumbo jet?

I don't care what car he's got . No car costs 30 quid for an hour's drive.

I've no idea why he's still there . Maybe you'll do for now , maybe it's better than being at base , who knows ?

Overall though , it doesn't sound like he's that into you for the reasons everyone's said. If nothing else , comments about dating stage and married couple are a clear statement that he feels those things are an effort and he doesn't plan on continuing to do them. That's a problem on its own.

Do you drive Op ?

I think the bottom line here is you don't have trust issues your partner is waving red flags at you. My personal opinion is he is a "bigger better deal" guy.

Yes I drive.

I have serious trust issues!

not with him in particular, in general!

Then a relationship won't give you the feeling of contentment you seek. Just a road to more future unhappiness and uncertainty. Your !fuck buddy cannot repair you.

How soon after meeting him did he meet your children and start staying over?

You've only been together 5 months and he is spending every weekend at your place and shouting at/telling off your children. He is lying to you about the online dating site, and messing with your head when he knows you have trust issues.

I haven't read a single good reason why you should stay with him.

I'm not sure you know what "having trust issues" actually means.

You have no self-esteem and you are massively insecure which makes you doubt your ability to judge people - totally valid from what I see as you're trusting someone that no-one who's posted on here would trust at 50 paces.

Anyone who seriously has trust issues would not have amnesia about telling their partner to protect their phone with a PIN when they've posted that this was an issue.

Anyone with serious trust issues would not post here looking for advice and then attack the very people who are taking time out of their day to help - typically because we've been there, we've cried the tears and we desperately hope that we can save someone else from that pain. That doesn't make us bitter, it actually makes us pretty wise.

You have no self-esteem. Work on that first and stop spewing about your trust issues. If you do have trust issues it is with trusting yourself first and foremost.

Then you'll know it doesn't cost thirty quid for an hour's drive won't you. Unless , as solesource says , he's coming in a jumbo jet.

Also he's not the only person who has to get up early for work. He's the only person I've ever heard of who's madly in love but he can't be arsed to drive for half an hour to see the person he claims to love.

You probably have trust issues because you deny reality. Why don't you look at it for what it is , a bit of company on the weekend , the odd shag , him shouting at your daughter and someone to spend all day Sunday preparing a roast with.

How long does it take you to prepare a roast on your own ?

Have you met his friends and family ?

Not met his family yet, but they live far away, he hasnt met mine either, but with my family its complicated!

What about friends ?

Yeah ive met his friends, he hasnt many to be honest. Most of them are in his sport team, i see them every week when I go watch him play.

Complicated how?