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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Dating Thread 72

999 replies

LizzieBelle · 30/03/2014 11:10

Welcome Grin

OP posts:
dontcallmehon22 · 02/04/2014 12:03

You'll look great, I'm sure! I'm doing alternate day fasting at the moment to shift the post geeky 7 pounds!

FolkGirl · 02/04/2014 12:07

That's what I'm going to do too!

I'm starting today because I've just realised I've not had breakfast...

In my head this... is what I'm drawn to.

Definitely with a matching (?) kaftan too though!

It's not like he hasn't seen what I look like, but it's more about how I feel, not what he thinks.

NoWineInTheFridge · 02/04/2014 12:41

Hi everybody, I'm new to the thread, but I'd like to join in. I'll try and read through to get some background this morning.

Can I get your opinions on something?

I am pretty clueless about online dating. I'm on Match and I was talking to a guy a few weeks ago, lots of messaging, lots of talking but it fizzled out after a few dates.

I joined POF a couple of days ago and yesterday got talking to what seems like a lovely bloke. He sent another message this morning but I don't want to make the same mistake again, so I told him I was going to work and it would be nice to chat again. He replied with "OK, I'll catch you later x".

Is it too forward and soon to send him my number? I don't want to get drawn into lengthy inbox messaging and chats, I'd rather a text asking me for a coffee or something.

NoWineInTheFridge · 02/04/2014 12:42

Wow folkgirl that bikini is lovely!

FolkGirl · 02/04/2014 12:51

NoWine Thank you. I'd better not buy anything yet, though, if I'm looking at losing 1/2 stone. Just trying to work out if it's worth the effort!

As far as giving out numbers goes, I didn't ever give out my number until a date had been arranged and numbers were exchanged so that we could confirm on the day or let the other person know if there were any problems getting there.

But I didn't talk on the phone before a date either and I know a lot of people like to do that. I think it just comes down to whatever you feel comfortable with yourself.

NoWineInTheFridge · 02/04/2014 13:05

It is too much like handwork!! And I bet you don't need to.

You're probably sick of conflicting dieting advice but I lost a stone really quickly after christmas by eating as clean as I could, so really cutting out processed stuff. I also really reduced carb intake after mid afternoon and did a ten minute workout before breakfast (so the squat thing would be ideal). Works for me every time and you don't have to be really strict.

I think maybe I won't give him my number but I think I might have been a bit clumsy by sending that text and effectively closed the conversation with him. I'll never get used to this dating thing

NoWineInTheFridge · 02/04/2014 13:05

*hardwork

FolkGirl · 02/04/2014 13:19

I don't think you do need to, really. I quite liked not being able to be contacted while I was at work/with friends/doing stuff with the children/on another date Wink

If anyone asked for my number and I felt it was too soon, I just said I didn't like to give out my number before I'd got to know someone. It did mean a few people didn't get in touch again, but I took that to mean I'd weeded out someone I wouldn't have been interested in anyway.

Oh and no, I'm never sick of conflicting dieting advice Wink

I lost a couple of stone a few years ago following 5:2. I gave up on the WOE, but the weight stayed off. I don't really eat much processed stuff generally really, but I have been eating more food in general recently. Because he's such a good cook... In 5 months I've not cooked for him once. He cooks for me (from scratch) every time I see him.

Anway, I think I need to do a bit of ADF just to clear out a few toxins and lose a few pounds.

dontcallmehon22 · 02/04/2014 14:50

I love ADF. I went from 11 stone to 9 stone in a few months on it (I'm 5'7) And my body fat went from average to excellent. Shame it can't get rid of stretch marks though!

FolkGirl · 02/04/2014 15:51

Well done dont! That's great!

Shame it can't tone muscle too!

jesy · 02/04/2014 20:44

Feeling a bit insecure today .
Having a rubbish time I n New job and after a tea n movie date with Mr IT we had really nice affectionate sex, in fact never had so cuddly touchy sex. After I became unwell but he looked after me ,nothing major it he sat with me.
Today he seems a bit quiet I've asked him out for weekend but he said he'll see as had arranged some thing with t h his brother,was fine with this but is this the start of brush off.
I've back e d off , last night he'd asked if I wanted to do this event in few weeks which I said yes but now I'm having doubts it's prob nothing as he's been texting ext.
.maybe issues just I'm h available I'm having at work plus headlights sleep not helping me think straight.
He still being caring to me just his hesitation over weekend got me thinking

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 02/04/2014 21:31

Dont That is brilliant! Don't forget to send us each a signed copy when it's published Grin.

Folk I'm so glad it's a positive outcome Smile. He sounds lovely, and very understanding too. Let this be two fingers to your mother!

NoWine I wouldn't send him your number - wait until he asks for it. He needs to chase you. I'm sure he'll message soon.

MrSales has asked me to meet up, so I've suggested a quick drink after work one day next week. Have to see how he responds. Mr Teacher has been in touch but no mention of meeting up. MCS has text this evening asking if I heard from the job I applied for. Why do these men just insist on hanging around like a bad smell? He's clearly not interested in progressing things so why stay in touch? It's clear he's keeping me as a back up option, which is hurtful in itself. I'm starting to get seriously pissed off.

Scornedwoman67 · 02/04/2014 21:52

folk I'm SO pleased its worked out for you Wink
jesy sorry you're feeling a bit down. .try to have a good night's sleep
& not to worry quite so much. If he's asking you about events in the future I'm sure things will be fine.
don't your book is FAB!!

Can you run off 500 copies & send them to our island. We can all sit & read them in the sun Grin

dontcallmehon22 · 02/04/2014 22:11

When I'm on Loose women promoting my book, I'm going to shout out to you lot. It will be dedicated to you all for being so fab and to Geeky, Mr Smooth and all the other losers who inspired me!

Jarlin · 03/04/2014 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jesy · 03/04/2014 05:40

Slept ok but kept wondering x
It's probably just me being used to being treated rubbish.
Plus insecurity of work ext,
I've texted him this morning as usual and we will see.

Hormonalhell · 03/04/2014 09:04

Jarlin, I know what u mean though. It's frustrating, I've been there.

I was once with a guy who could only get hard if you gave him a BJ Hmm penetrative sex made him go limp....the relationship lasted about as long as the sex did Grin

HelloBoys · 03/04/2014 09:24

Can I ask a general question on behalf of me and a friend?

My friend (P) has signed up to a few internet dating sites but only either seen or been chatting to one man - she didn't tell me which sites. He went awol on her for a few months then got back in touch, they were supposed to meet up but apparently he's slow and bad at replying to texts.

Anyway - she asked for some more ideas and I thought what about speed dating? I did do a form of speed dating (A Game of 2 Halves) which is actually French table football and speed dating and actually met people both times doing it... but not done other types. Would any of you women do this? and any more ideas?

My friend is quite active, sporty, likes pubs, out and about and I swear if we got in the right pub with the right people (say on rugby day or whatever) and we got chatting to some men (daytime preferably) that would work better for her (and maybe me). What's the opinions on that too? thank you!

Blossomflowers · 03/04/2014 10:39

Hi all just been catching up

dont your book sounds fab
folk Sounds like things have settled nicely, good luck with the diet, but should do it for you and you only,
nowine I always like to have lenghty telephone chat personally, as think it gets a good feeling for someone. Saying that my experiences lately have been rubbish so I maybe I need to rethink strategy.
jarlin You ED as so difficult to deal with, my X has this a big part of the reason he is my X as he refused to deal with the problem. Ironic now we are separated he has decided to try viagra grrrrr
Am feeling a little ill today so just feeling sorry for myself but I am finding OLD rather tiresome. My date from last Friday has not been in contact since the weekend, think I will just to put him down as another failure. Shame as it seems to go very wel Chatting a guy who claims to be a property Dev, something telling me somethings is not right. On the phone he was rubbish, but messaging seems lovely total contrast, could juts be he is shit on the phone?

jesy · 03/04/2014 11:46

Think he ended it said he don't want serious

Blossomflowers · 03/04/2014 11:51

jesy Are you ok ? not sure I know your story.

jesy · 03/04/2014 11:55

Not really crying at work just want to go home

Original poster
LizzieBelle · 03/04/2014 11:56

Oh jesy I thought it was going so well Shock Just stay positive and don't let him think that you are worried. Bright and breezy does it babe. Men hate it when they think you're interest is waning

Stay strong and positive ((hugs))

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 03/04/2014 13:04

Jesy First of all, it's not you, it's him. Secondly, Matthew Hussey has a response for when men state that they don't want to get serious. The trick is to keep things light and airy and respond as though you have no idea what they're on about because hey, you don't want to be serious with him either and he's a fool for thinking you do! So MH's ideal response to that 'I don't want to get serious' text or conversation would be something like 'That's fine, it's not like I want to marry you, you know!' accompanied by a laugh/smile, then change the subject. Then, you get on with your life, and he's left thinking that you don't want to get serious with him and he can't understand why you wouldn't want to be serious with him, so he starts to pursue you. Disclaimer: I've read this in Matthew's book but have never tried it out, so can't guarantee it works.

So MCS text me last night, as did Mr Teacher. They are both annoying me. Why keep in touch if you don't actually want to meet up? Hmm Useless buggers.

HelloBoys · 03/04/2014 13:25

Jesy I'd say do as all the others say above, aloof, carefree etc.

Sometimes with men I'm not so keen on I can do above, other times I run after like them like some mad clinger on. which of course doesn't work! Grin

But I'd also caution, if he really doesn't think it is serious then it is his loss. Not yours, HIS.

there are other men out there! Smile

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