The Dating Thread 72

[LizzieBelle]

Welcome

It would be great if he replies either way Scarey, I really hope he does as being left hanging in limbo after sending a message like that feels pretty crap (particularly the part where you call him sweetie and tell him you really care for him)...

If you feel the need to send something I do get it but you have nothing to apologise for, you really don't. The tone of your message is that you are prostrating yourself in front of him and inviting him to treat you like shit, you really are - is that what you want? I don't know, I just think you're opening yourself up to more hurt that way.

If he was acting oddly at the weekend that sounds like it could be the first stage of withdrawal to me - sorry, I know you don't want to hear that.

I'd go with Folk's short version. If you go with a variation of yours do not apologise, you've done nothing wrong at all.

Of course you're having dips. He's behaving like an arse and you're a nice person so you're finding it difficult to think of him as behaving like an arse and you want to believe there's a 'good reason' for his lack of communication.

Just short for FolkGirl :)

Oh please don't send it Scarey - you deserve better than this. If he wants to get in touch, he knows where you are. Does he live close by? I would take his shit and dump it outside his front door tbh - expensive gear and all.

That's 'take his shit' - not 'take a shit'

Scarey I'm glad you've decided not to send that text. If you want rid of his stuff I'd just send him an email and say you're having a tidy up and how does he want to arrange collection of his leathers? I agree with Folk that leaving the door open makes you look a little dim. Worse it sends up a sign that he can walk all over you.

Dumping someone silently is cowardly. Not playing along and contacting them makes it harder to be a coward (and I speak as someone who has been the evil coward in the past) but that's about all it's got to recommend it.

Maybe he's having a nervous breakdown for some reason Scarey. Quiet on Sunday and now not getting in touch with you at all. Could be a troubled mind.

I think poff's message was spot-on. Please DO NOT send that message. Even if it works and he contacts you again, you will have sold yourself short, and you will no longer be on an equal footing in the relationship.

I wouldn't be texting about his stuff, either. He knows you have it, and he STILL did the silent dumping thing....you even have a KEY fgs! What a dick. I'm getting angry typing this!

I know MyChild, I'm getting progressively angry about it as well!

Scarey Have you sent that message? Like the others, I'd advise you not to - it's way too passive and conciliatory. The thing you need to remember is his behaviour is not your fault, so don't ever, ever apologise for it. If anything I'd go with FolkGirl's 'haven't heard from you, let me know if you want to get your stuff back' message as it's short, to the point and unemotional. However, I'd wait until the weekend to send it, just to put a bit of space between that and the last on you sent.

I'm angry on your behalf too. How dare the dickhead treat you like this . To be honest if I were you I'd no longer want anything to do with the cowardly little shit after this, even if he came crawling back.

Scarey you probably feel bombarded at this stage but I think it's because we can see things more clearly...some of us have been in the situation you're in, not quite believing that this caring, attentive guy could behave this way...there could still be a rational explanation but again, if there is one then it's up to him to provide it, not you. I advise not to contact him in any way. If he wants his things back let him ask for them. Put them aside, out of view and get on with things as normally as you can.

Scarey, I get that you're hoping to
provoke a response from him or that you'll see him and he can explain but I worry that you'll get neither. For whatever reason he's decided to be a coward and that's not going to change. I would definitely not put myself out to return his stuff, if he wants it he should bloody get it.

It is so so hard but I think you need to walk away with your head held high.

Scarey What if he is waiting for me to get in touch to allow him to talk?

Didn't you send the last couple of texts? He really won't be sitting at home praying that you text again so he has permission to contact you...

Turning up to his house would make you very emotionally vulnerable, Scarey. Don't put yourself in that position. I know how hard this is for you - I've been there very recently and it's horrible - but he knows here you are and how to contact you. He just doesn't want to . I'm sorry but by texting him and turning up at his house you're on a hiding after nothing.

I feel a bit bad as I love reading this thread that I'm loved up and everyone else down but there are some nice men out there who do want to meet a decent girl and have a relationship. I've dated a few like this but for one reason or another it hasn't worked out.

I do believe when u meet right person you really don't have to worry how they feel you just know and I have been OD dating for 2 years now

I think you're doing the right thing Scarey, by not contacting him or turning up. Let him contact you if he wants his stuff and key back. I just don't understand what goes on in some men's minds, I really don't.

I'm sorry to hear about your DD's friend, that must be so hard for her (and you) to cope with.

What work do you do from home? If love to work for myself!