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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 72

999 replies

LizzieBelle · 30/03/2014 11:10

Welcome Grin

OP posts:
BeforeAndAfter · 05/04/2014 11:50

folk's list is a brilliant idea.

I never do friends with the ex. If I've dumped them it's because they've started to bug the shit out of me so I have no desire to prolong my agony. If they've dumped me 'friends' turns into some sort of dysfunctional friendship of hope with the odd 'pick me pick me' unedifying shag thrown in so I have no desire to prolong my agony.

jesy · 05/04/2014 11:51

I can't think of anything positive at the moment even with my dog that's not positive as I struggle to take her out.
At mo I'm wasting my degree as I can't get a nursing job,a shite ref from former boss.
I didn't do anything wrong but ref was crap .
Such a mess no real mates , today I'll go to my dad's do the meal and then just watch telly , it's no life really is it.
I've always been this way tho

BeforeAndAfter · 05/04/2014 11:54

jesy why do you struggle to take your dog out? Is that something that can be fixed or are you waiting for her jabs?

jesy · 05/04/2014 11:59

She old enough to go out and although to me she a pup she 4 daft I know , still calling her the puppy, she no good with other dogs so I'm . Wary of going out , plus she needs her injections this month.
I'm sorry to be so down

FolkGirl · 05/04/2014 12:12

Hello It is really effective, actually. It's too easy to get bogged down on the stuff you don't like about yourself.

It makes such a different to how you see yourself. If you also include the things you'd like to be able to say about yourself, it gives you the impetus to make those things happen.

I quite like me when I look at mine!

FolkGirl · 05/04/2014 12:20

jesy Well in that case, you're definitely not in a place to be dating! What sort of man are you going to attract if you can't think of a single positive thing to say about yourself.

How do you know the reference was 'crap'? What was crap about it?

jesy · 05/04/2014 12:29

I was offered the job , did all the crb stuff no issues there health check fine one ref brilliant but three months later I receive a letter stating UN acceptable ref from previous employment. Since t hen I've had to take Nanny jobs ( no offence to anyone who wants that job)but it's min wage crap hours , and I feel I'm wasting my time, I enjoy the baby but the toddler is spoilt it took an hour to get to eat tea the other night

BeforeAndAfter · 05/04/2014 12:31

Jesy why don't you google dog training classes and find out how much they are etc. If not for you then for your dog as I'm sure she'd enjoy going out. You could probably find some training tips on YouTube but really she needs to be with other dogs to learn to calm down around them. Do you have friends with a dog where you can try and socialise her? That could be one of your positive goals for now.

You need to sort out this reference business as you cannot be prevented from earning a living by a malicious reference. Why don't you post on the legal board to see what advice they have? I would have thought that if you'd worked at a hospital it could be sorted pretty easily because they'll have the processes in place. Did you belong to a union at your old place? If so then get some advice from them. If you head up your post as 'employment law question' you should attract the right help.

blahbleh · 05/04/2014 12:34

Hi

I'm new here. Recently got talking to a guy online. It's going ok.

He sent me a picture of his rock hard abs with his jeans open to show his boxers (can't see anything else) last night. He's body is amazing. He didn't ask for a pic back.

What does this mean? Turn-off or Turn-On?

We were talking about working out, that's why he sent it.

blahbleh · 05/04/2014 12:35

*his body.

FolkGirl · 05/04/2014 12:37

jesy yes, I'd contact HR and find out what was in that reference and challenge it if appropriate.

blah welcome. Well given the context, it might be appropriate. I wouldn't find him attractive in the first place and tend to think that any man who'd take a photo of himself like that is probably an tosser so it would be a turn off for me.

With the jeans open it sounds very posed and as though it's probably one he's got in stock that he sends out to women after first legitimising it within a conversation about working out...

BeforeAndAfter · 05/04/2014 12:38

It means he will shag you and then vanish into the ether...

jesy · 05/04/2014 12:40

We have been to classes it's me I'm the scared one she a big staffy I'm so scared that if anything did happen shed be blamed no matter what.
The ref business
The head of department is a nasty cow,I've heard of ppl who have crossed her and not worked again, least agency's have seen past that, but as I'm doing 40 hours Nanny work I struggle to do nurse work as tired.but I'm hoping as I get fitter that will past .
A year of office based work and no job I've gained weight.
I had to cancel my union as I couldn't afford the fees early this year.
And to be honest when I needed help previously they were no use.
Re friends
I don't really have any I have ppl I text but no one I see socially

dontcallmehon22 · 05/04/2014 14:07

I like myself and think I'm a good catch - but I don't think I'm over geeky and I thought I was.

Told jaded I didn't think there was a spark but I'd go on another date to see how it went, but he's not taken the hint and is texting all the time. There is no way he is right for me, no way at all.

louby44 · 05/04/2014 14:29

Catching up after a very busy week.

jesy am so sorry you're feeling down, lots of good advice from fellow daters/MNetters

don't I know what you mean about hankering after your ex (bit of that going on in my head but am pushing those thoughts firmly away) he isn't worth thinking about!

I had a date with postie#2 tonight but he has text me and said "he will let me know about later as he may still have his kids". Date was arranged over a week ago. I've arranged child care, why hasn't he. Bloody time waster.

Text him to say "sorry made other plans, not hanging around to wait for you" and then I text him back to tell him he was a 'time waster'.

He's text me everyday with a 'morning, enjoy your day' - why bother?? Am not wasting my time anymore with him. He hasn't text me back.

jesy · 05/04/2014 14:42

Everyone has been so kind to me on here , I don't really have friends former work mates but no one who I could turn up on doorstep in tears.

louby44 · 05/04/2014 14:56

jesy where are you in the UK?

jesy · 05/04/2014 15:08

West midlands

FolkGirl · 05/04/2014 15:34

Well, I have made a big decision this morning.

I've been dying my hair myself since I was about 15 and this morning I made an appointment at a real life hairdresser to have the home colour stripped out and lovely new colour put it.

And I'm having it cut. Not much, just a trim.

Yikes!

It's all part of the 'process'... Wink

FolkGirl · 05/04/2014 15:39

jesy what hobbies and interests do you have? If you're finding it hard to think of positive things to say about yourself at the moment, perhaps you need to take up some new things, meet some new people and start again.

jesy · 05/04/2014 15:40

Sounds good I'd love to go to my own colour again

FolkGirl · 05/04/2014 15:46

What is your own colour? Mine is a sort of mousy brown with copperish highlights. But nowadays, I suspect it's largely silver Sad. I've had it everything from bright poppy red to black to purple to blue and auburn over the years. I think I'd like it to be a really nice warm chestnut brown colour now. But I want it done properly.

jesy · 05/04/2014 16:09

Mine is dark brown but tbh I look I'll as I'm really pale.
Don't have many interests film , cooking ,reading I'm not good at meeting ppl. At work I take the baby to groups but hate it

FolkGirl · 05/04/2014 16:22

I'm really pale too. I find that I've only ever looked ill when my hair was blonde!

If you want to PM me a more specific location, I'll see if I can come up with some ideas..

Seriously, after my xH left, I joined a band, I was already in a choir, I started dance classes... If you don't have anything holding you back, you just need to get out there and do stuff.

I was crap at meeting people too but it really is something that you get better at with practice.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 05/04/2014 17:24

Folk That sounds great, I'd love to do that. I'm going a bit grey so I colour my own hair at home every 3-4 weeks when the roots show, as I can't afford to get it done in a salon as often as that. I only get it cut every six months or so but that's fine as I'm growing it after having my waist length hair cut to chin length last summer big mistake. Mine sounds about the same colour as yours too and I'm really pale - lots of us on here!

I love that 'All About Me' idea as well. Might do that tonight. It's a classic trick in therapy to get you to write things down in black and white as it helps to clear your head and to solidify ideas and decisions. In this case it's a good way of reminding yourself just how good, worthy and fantastic you actually are. That goes for all of us on here Smile.

Jesy I agree with the poster who suggested the dog training classes. I know you say you've had some but if you're concerned about taking your dog out then I'd register for some more and explain your issue to the trainer so they can help you. Your dog needs daily exercise and it'd be good for you too, so have a think about it.

Folk's suggestion of new hobbies is a good one too. I'm guilty of not having enough hobbies and hardly going out, so I decided that 2014 would be my 'Year of Fun' where I would start dating, say 'yes' to more things and get some new hobbies. Well I started dating, have been out more when asked e.g. on nights out with colleagues at work, this week I've enquired about adult ballet classes and this morning I've been to look around a fab gym with great kids facilities and activities for DS.

Louby Postie#2 sounds like a waste of your time, you did the right thing texting that. Have you got an alternative night out planned? Be a shame to waste your childcare!