The Dating Thread 72

[LizzieBelle]

Welcome

I won't see him again. Shame. I want a man like my geeky.

Mr IT was the first thing on my mind today , I know I should delete his. Number but it's freely available on net so I could easily get it again.
I think I scared him off I wanted to ask him some thing oh well nothing I can do now.
Ended up on pof , drunkenly gave some bloke my mobile Number who called me lol

Had another date last night. Actually not sure if it was a date as we didn't go out! It just is really comfortable and easy but at the same time I don't want us to get stuck in a rut and for him to get bored of me.

Geeky was the first thing on my mind every day for such a long time. The date last night has made me miss him more. Mr jaded texted - I'm going to have to let him down but he's off on holiday for a week, so I'll wait till he gets back. There was an instant intellectual and physical connection with geeky and I won't settle for less.

He liked hard house and trance music. I like hip-hop and Motown. He didn't know who Roberta Flack and petula Clark were. He had a funny accent and no sense of irony. He moaned about his job.

His profile said he was 6 foot. He wasn't. Geeky is 6'3 with great taste in mmusic.

He said he didn't really go out and that he had no friends. He want to stay in touch! I'm certain I don't. But he's on holiday with his daughters for a week now, wants to keep texting while he's away and I don't want to give false hope, but I don't want to put a downer on his holidays.

Yesterday he said he'd been sleeping better since chatting to me online!! Oh dear. Poor guy.

Mr IT did text today
To answer a text from last night , I'm not letting him know how devastated I am, so bright and breezy in reality crying as been asked for a coffee tomorrow by the bloke who I gave my number to and feel l like I'm cheating which I'm not .

As for the mates thing we will see if it hurts knowing he with someone else then I'll have to rethink it.
I stayed mates with my first bf and Thursday was a mistake but we seem to be over it , text today saying we ok kid ?
Must admit I was hurt wen I found out he had . A gf but mainly coz I found out after we had sex but it's in past now and we mates.

I wouldn't do the friends thing jesy. I don't think it works if you still have feelings for someone. How would you feel if in a couple of weeks he started telling his new friend (you) about this amazing girl he'd met and fallen in love with...

Whatever happens between me and this man I'm seeing, I know that I wouldn't stay friends with him because it would hurt too much.

I'm quite capable of being 'friends' with my exH though because I have no feelings towards him whatsover!

Folk

If he was happy I think I would be happy for him , he is a serial dater, he was never going to stick around !

Dont I think you might need to give yourself a bit more time if you're comparing other men unfavourably to hewhoshallnotbenamed. The fact is, yes, there were things about him that were attractive, and there's nothing wrong with deciding you have high standards and then sticking to those, but just make sure you're not overlooking other people's good points too.

Afterall, he might have had perfect taste in music for you, but he didn't like you wearing your slippers. He might have been tall but he sulked when he didn't get his own way. He was not the perfect man by any means!

I think I would also let him know now that you don't want to see him again sooner rather than later. Otherwise, over the next week that he's away you're either going to be giving him false hope by lovely texts etc; leaving him wondering why your communications are distant/cold/sporadic; and then it will be worse for him when he gets back and has spent a week daydreaming about you and what might be and he'll feel a fool if he realises you've known for a week how you felt. That will just taint his holiday anyway.

I would just be honest if I were you, and if I were him, that's what I'd want.

jesy are you sure? You sound terribly sad in your posts. I just wouldn't want you to feel worse.

If it were me (so not suggesting this would apply to you, but just a thought...) I would find the only way I could be friends with someone who'd hurt me would be by suppressing my feelings and pretending they don't exist. Why should I do that? If someone has hurt me, why should I pretend that they haven't?

And even if I'd gone into it with my eyes open, if it made me feel bad, I wouldn't want to prolong that

I'm sure.
He don't want me so I'd rather he was happy .
Yes I'm devastated but have to move on

It became v blatantly obvious I was still in love with geeky on the date. Jaded asked me about Paris when I got my Paris purse out and I nearly started crying. Everytime I think I'm better, I have a setback. I'm back on tinder. If geeky likes me on there again I'm going to message him.

Folk
I don't think I could feel any worse right now, I guess I got swept up with a fit guy liking me

Got nasty head cold and allergies (yay! Not!) so excuse me if I'm not all there.

jesy and dontcall sounds like you're both on same pages wanting your old men back. Perfectly normal to me... . Wish I could say I knew the answer but I don't. Good on you dontcall for going on a date, didn't sound like jaded was the one for you.

Can you believe I was asked out in a roundabout way (client in our office wasn't obvious but virtually asked me to join him in pub next door!). Nice good looking guy seen him once before in our office but it was 5pm, I have this cold and I couldn't be bothered! I am sort of kicking myself now...

jesy big unmumsnetty hugs to you

It does feel shit at this stage but it'll pass and another equally fit man will like you.

Take care of yourself and do something fab this weekend.

I'm having a kitchen cull today. I blitzed the pantry last week and, I'm ashamed to say, found one of DD's Easter eggs from last year! So, so ashamed! Somewhat proud of myself for throwing it away rather than eating it though...

I cleared out a kitchen cupboard that rarely got opened because it was full of my exH's stuff that we had to keep, "just in case" but since he hasn't asked for any of it in the last 12 months, and he probably can't even remember what's in there, I emptied it out. It's now tidy and useful.

I'm doing the rest of the kitchen today. I'm throwing away all the 'novelty' mugs we'd acquired over the years because exH refused to own anything that in anyway signified him as a 'grown up'. And I'm going to get some nice ones. Nothing expensive, mind. Oh and glasses.

I did all the major stuff this time last year. I finally finished my bedroom a few weeks ago, and now I just really like being in there. It's so peaceful.

The living room will be the last one to do. It just needs a bit of decluttering of his dvds and suchlike. By next weekend, the house is going to be perfect.

It's all part of the 'process'...

Oh Folk that sounds amazing really therapeutic enjoy it!

I have to touch up bedroom painting.... Then after its dried try to move wardrobe back (prob Monday as out tomorrow) and also weekend food shop and tidy/washing clothes.

Folk I'm trying to think where I saw nice mugs, try Sainsburys, Tiger and if you can face it Ikea!

I may have to do ikea Monday or tuesday dread the place can go after work but only on tram though!

Hello Sainsbury's is where I had in mind. They've got some quite nice ones in at the moment.

And I thought I might get some new saucepans too. My exH did a good job of burning food on and then scraping it off afterwards with metal cutlery. As a result all of the nonstick coating on the saucepans is scratched and sometimes peels off. Nice!

Ooh and maybe a new set of plates/bowls etc. Again, exH was a bit clumsy and even though my current dinner service is only about 3 years old, it's already chipped and cracked, with some broken, because of him...

I just couldn't really justify that expense until now.

I wanted him so much,he was funny , sexy, affectionate seemed to like me ..
Was asked out for today but I'm not ready, I do wonder if I m meant to ha e a bf I mean why no bf , kiss , sex till my thirty maybe something wrong with me.

Jesy I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much.

I wonder if you'd benefit from taking some time off from dating? You went straight from one guy to Mr IT and now you've jumped straight back on to POF when you're clearly feeling very sad.

I know dating sites are a good way to fill the evenings but have you got a hobby or interest that you could focus on to try and get your head together while taking a dating break? You sound so down on yourself and I fear that the crap that comes with dating (remember it's them not you) will send you into a spiral of deeper sadness.

I'm on a self imposed break getting over a big break up. I need to feel like me again before I start the hunt for the haystack and then the needle in it.

Oh jesy that's what I mean about being too vulnerable to remain friends.

I shall tell you something that I did a couple of years ago. It's great for improving your confidence and also for focusing on yourself. I think I've already mentioned this on a previous dating (or other) thread, so apologies if you've read it before. But it might help...

Write All About Me on the top of a sheet of paper.

Then make lists of all the things that make you you. But focus on the positives - it's not supposed to be a laundry list of the things you don't like, it's supposed to celebrate why you're brilliant!

I couldn't include anything about looks on mine at the time, but I think I could now...

But it should include things like personality; hobbies; interests; talents; values; etc.

They have to be expressed as "I am..." or "I can..." type statements statements, because those are the most powerful.

So I included the instruments I play, the fact I go camping and my academic achievements amongst all the other things. Just all the stuff that makes me me.

I also put on there, things that I aspired to be. So "I run" (I didn't, but I wanted to and started the C25K shortly after so it became true. I also said "I am healthy" (I wasn't particularly at that time, but I lost 2 stone shortly afterwards and have kept it off).

But basically it became a 'profile' of me, who I am and what makes me me.

I know it doesn't always sound like it from my posts on here, but I'm much happier and more confident now than I've ever been before in my life. And a lot of it is because I became 'active' in my own life rather that 'passive' in it. It helps you change the things you don't like and focuses your attention on the stuff about yourself that's great.

Folk - yes I was in Sainsburys a few weeks ago and got one great striped and floral mugs from there, very reasonable. They also do nice plates/bowls etc plain or patterned.

And not bad saucepans either!

Folk your write All About Me sounds excellent! I may give that a go myself!

Jesy - I agree with Before that you should maybe take a break from OLD as it just seems to be dragging old and not great memories into your head. Doing the list as Folk says is good but you need to (I think) as Before says feel like you, at least that's how it seems to me.

I also feel (personally) I rarely stay friends with exes (only have done with about 2 I think) unless they were friends in the first place. If only because especially if it's not you that broke it off, there may be always a little part of you that wonders "what if?" and would like a 2nd chance. You also may find out his news if he dates again and for me personally if I liked the man this would upset me.