URGENT advice pls - DP home in an hour

[HelpMeRhonda84]

I'm shaking so much I can barely type. I am a long term poster but have NC'd (as DP knows my usual nn).

I found an email trail on the email account he apparently 'never uses'. The email goes as follows:

"Hi x

I love your photos. I am a businessman and I stay in nice apartments in x city centre.
What are your prices and are you free on xxx(date)?"

She never responded so he sent a follow up of:

"Hi
I'm not fat old or ugly!
Would be good to hear back from you."

She didn't respond to this either.

I don't know what to do. I am 9 months pregnant, gave up my career to study (as his business took off and I hated my previous job). We have lots of pets and are just about to complete on a house purchase. We are due to get married in June.

The email above was from a year ago (last April), before I was pregnant. I have desperately tried to find more evidence on the email account but there is nothing anywhere - everything has been permanently deleted. For some reason this email was one of only two in his sent items.

I am planning on sitting him down in front of the computer when he gets in and asking him to explain himself. I won't say a word - will just let him talk. If I wasn't pregnant I would leave him like a shot.

There's no way I have misconstrued the emails is there? This is really bad. I don't know what to do . Please help me x

I'd leave him. There is no way these mails can be misconstrued.

However it's you...not me

There is no way you have misconstrued the emails. Sorry.

He will probably try to lie and downplay it. Don't let him reel you in. I understand your very mixed emotions about what to do.

If you want to make it work then great, but remember this can only be done if he's honestly remorseful and ready to work on your relationship.

Does he stay in nice apartments in x area?

If so, then it must have been him and can't claim hacking etc.

Have you googled the email address he sent it to? Can you find the photos?

I mean it's not looking great, but it might be good to have as many facts as you can gather before he starts (probably) the lying.

Could you imagine yourself trusting him again?

Forgot to add, I personally don't think I'd be able to forgive in this circumstance. Even if I wanted it to work because of pregnancy (not that anyone should ever stay together for the sake of children, mind) I just don't think I could forgive. I think that's another thing you have to consider long term.

Listen to his explanation. Don't necessarily believe it. You may need a few days apart to think this through, so be prepared to ask for that.

I'm so sorry you've discovered this. Please try to stay calm as possible (!) for the baby and your own health, okay?

Also, go ahead and find someone in RL to talk to. You need some RL support.

Pregnant or not I'd be packing his bags I think.

Say nothing and let him talk himself into knots. There's no way you've misunderstood those emails.
TAKE SCREENSHOTS

Don't show him. Just sit him down and tell him 'I know' and leave the silence for him to fill. Tell him he has one chance to tell you the truth if he wants to discuss it, otherwise he knows where the door is. Don't give him details, let him flounder if you want to know more.
Once you have the information you can make your choices. Fwiw, I would throw him out. Can't live without trust.

How long had you been together before you were pregnant?

Really difficult for you op.

Stay calm for yours and baby's sake.

It sounds like he's emailed a prostitute for an appointment. How do you know she didn't reply btw? It sounds to me like she did but he deleted the reply.

Probably he kept the email so as to keep the email address. Is it hard to remember?

What was the state of the relationship at that time?

Either he's attempted to use prostitutes in the past or he still does. In either case he'll say he no longer does, so will you believe him? If not - you know what to do.

I'd make a little list of the things I expect him to say

1/ I let a mate use that email account
2/ it was a prank by work
3/ someone must have hacked the account
4/ I was never in x city

and then when he tries them say, "yep...that's number 3."

How do you know it was to a woman?

So sorry that you're going through this. What prompted you to look in the first place?

Personally I'd be telling him to leave whilst I thought about what I wanted to do. I wouldn't be interested in any explanations. I'd ask him to leave tonight and wait for me to contact him when I was ready to discuss things.

Take screenshots
Pack a bag
Leave
I'm so sorry op.
You - and your unborn child - deserve better.

And sorry to be the one to add you might need to think about an STI check too.

Pack a bag for him coming home. Show him the emails then show him the door.

Very, very sorry

He will say he was only curios.

He will say it was a fantasy of his but he never intended to go through with it.

He will say that it was a one off and he's never ever done it before.

He will say that he would never do it again because it made him realise what he has with you.

The thing is, will you believe him?

Will you ever believe anything he has to say again? Because if the answer is 'no' then are you prepared to live in a state of mistrust, paranoia, tension and stress at a time when you should be welcoming your newborn together?

It will hurt - staying or leaving will both hurt. But in different ways and you need to decide if it'll be the pain of splitting and eventually moving on and healing or the possible pain of living with this for years.

Please take care of yourself and remember that you are the one who gets to decide what to do next.

Wow, that's quite a response! Thank you x

Will respond to questions in turn, as I get to them.

Brucie Yes it's definitely, clearly him. No way was it a hacking email. I have googled the email address and nothing comes up, but there is an escort in the area with the same first name (doesn't mean much really!).

Littleballerina I honestly don't know if I could trust him again.

JonSnow I have taken screenshots and emailed them to myself and changed my email password, which he knew.

defineme We have been together over 4 years. We had been together just over 3 years when he sent the emails.

Apocalypto There were no emails from her in the trail. After the two emails I have written above he sent another to her simply saying: "Hello?" which makes me think he never responded.

The email address could be slightly difficult to remember as it has a few numbers in it. At the time our relationship was lovely (and it still is ). We had just agreed that we would ttc, and we had got engaged 3 months before.

Wow, he was really persistent wasn't he?

If he wants to stay with you he will either say nothing happened or did but never will again. Comes down to whether you believe this or not.

Joules It's a woman's name.

So, he uses prostitutes, that we know.

How do you feel about that, op?

Quirtybird's advise I totally agree. Don't be specific, or let on about the emails right away just assert that you know he visits call girls and you have evidence. And absolutely expect him to deny everything. It's going to be tough to trust him again, you will be forever looking for clues/evidence. SO sorry u r going through this.

OneDay I had my suspicions as he has cheated on exes in the past (not with me!). I told him my fears about 6 months ago and he promised that he would never, ever do anything. I went on the pc this afternoon and he was signed into an email address that he uses a lot (gmail). I was about to log out so I could log into my gmail when I noticed two emails near the top confirming that he had changed his yahoo password twice. As this was recent and he only told me last week that he never uses the account I decided to go looking at the yahoo account.