URGENT advice pls - DP home in an hour

[HelpMeRhonda84]

I'm shaking so much I can barely type. I am a long term poster but have NC'd (as DP knows my usual nn).

I found an email trail on the email account he apparently 'never uses'. The email goes as follows:

"Hi x

I love your photos. I am a businessman and I stay in nice apartments in x city centre.
What are your prices and are you free on xxx(date)?"

She never responded so he sent a follow up of:

"Hi
I'm not fat old or ugly!
Would be good to hear back from you."

She didn't respond to this either.

I don't know what to do. I am 9 months pregnant, gave up my career to study (as his business took off and I hated my previous job). We have lots of pets and are just about to complete on a house purchase. We are due to get married in June.

The email above was from a year ago (last April), before I was pregnant. I have desperately tried to find more evidence on the email account but there is nothing anywhere - everything has been permanently deleted. For some reason this email was one of only two in his sent items.

I am planning on sitting him down in front of the computer when he gets in and asking him to explain himself. I won't say a word - will just let him talk. If I wasn't pregnant I would leave him like a shot.

There's no way I have misconstrued the emails is there? This is really bad. I don't know what to do . Please help me x

Cabrinha Your posts are heartbreaking. I know you're right, in everything you've said. It sounds SO pathetic I know, but he's my world. I was badly abused as a child, he knows everything about that and is so supportive. He knows me inside out and I have never loved anyone like him (or ever thought it was possible to love someone as much as I love him). I just can't believe he would do that to me.

You may love him op.
But he doesn't love you. Or respect you. Or your unborn child.
I'm sorry.
Please, please don't stay "for the child" - I have seen first hand the misery this causes.

My parents stayed together for my sister and I, after infidelity (both sides). Getting divorced when I was five was the best thing that happened. When I said 'if I wasn't pregnant I would leave him' what I meant was that I have NOTHING - no job, no home I own (the new house was due to be in both of our names but we rent atm). I don't know how logistically I would do it with a baby. I'm in such a weak position.

He's due home in a few mins. Will update when I can, but it may not be until later in the weekend. Thanks all of you. Makes me feel less alone x

You aren't alone.
X

Hand holding here

Just try and remember you don't have to make any decision right now. Good luck and try and stay calm for you and baby x

Well there's the good from this relationship - you've learned that you can love :)
Any you're going to have a baby!! Which is amazing. And now you know you can feel love, just look forward to one day feeling it again, for someone who deserves it.
I'm sorry about your past abuse :(

I am certainly that your H will lie, rely on you not wanting to break up your family (you haven't - he has) and equally certain that he will do this again.

The few people that know about my XH were shocked. Such a nice guy, easy going, no jack the lad, not a womaniser, not that many girlfriends, but not worryingly few.
One who knew him wasn't shocked though. Ex wife of his best mate. Knew that years pre-me, lads weekend in Amsterdam, he'd bought a prostitute.

It's an attitude. Leopards really don't change their spots.
I'm not sure if you said why you were looking at his old email -no judging here! But was your instinct telling you something? Our instincts are often good.

wishing you lots of strength and handholding for when he gets home honey. This is really not what you need xx

Thinking of you Rhonda, so sorry. I hope you can take some time & space for yourself.

Sorry, read incorrectly - not married yet, and house about to complete.
Well, I certainly wouldn't marry him.
But personally I'd speak to a solicitor before pulling out of the house purchase.
You could also speak to Women's Aid. He sleeps with prostitutes, that is abusive. I'm sure they could talk you through what happens if you leave him now, with new baby arriving. I'm sure you would be priority homeless.
It will be tough on your own - but it's tougher still on your self esteem staying with someone that you know is treating you like shit. x

Speak to a lawyer before you speak to him.

Tally up all your joint assets & finances with hard evidence before you do anything. Know your legal rights before you rock the boat.

Also make your decision before you speak to him. Don't let him away you into staying.

Keep your thoughts on the practical stuff to protect you & baby. Now wouldn't be a good time to get emotional, lose money & make wrong decisions. Stay strong!

I'm sorry you are going through this. You are not alone.

I hope you're ok OP

Good luck OP

It's horrendous discovering the man we love isn't who we thought they were. I was 36 weeks pg when I found out I had been lied to from day one but clung on until the baby was 4 months.

That baby is now 9 years old and I'm married to someone else. It's been a rocky road but it's lovely now.

Good luck tonight - I know it's terrifying. You'll know what to do when the time is right.

Wow I would not forgive that, why? because he was so desperate for sex he has been seeking out prostitutes and paying for it and I am sure he has done it lots of times.

I detest men like him. If my husband had cheated I may try to work on the relationship but if he had gone out paying for sex, NO WAY! pervert, sorry.

Thinking of you.

Hope you're ok.

just dropping by to offer a hand to hold

I don't understand something.

If he was emailing a prostitute, as it seems (twice), why didn't she reply?

Not saying he's innocent - it certainly doesn't look that way. I just don't understand.

Hope you're ok op. X

id have to know. id have to ask. can you tell if he is lying? because he will. i think if you stay you need to be ok with accepting this behaviour - it wont stop.
if you cant, then you need to think long and hard about where to go from here.
if he has been that persistent, im guessing he will have eventually succeeded.

im so sorry.

How are you this morning, OP?

'If he was emailing a prostitute, as it seems (twice), why didn't she reply?' Maybe he had the email address a bit wrong. Maybe she changed her email address. Maybe she had enough work with regulars. Who knows? who cares?

OP . I'm so very sorry this has happened to you. Thinking of you this morning.

Oh you poor thing.

Look, there's a world of difference between bringing up a child in a house full of resentment and bitterness (nobody would advise that you do that) and preferring not to drop a nuclear bomb in your own life when heavily pregnant.

Think about what you need now, on a day by day basis. If you really don't want to be dropped in the deep end of a hideous break up whilst giving birth to your first ( assumed?) child then don't do it.

Look after yourself xx

Read this and hope you are okay. Take good care of yourself and the baby xx