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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is bastarding shit.

145 replies

sillymillyb · 22/03/2014 20:06

I didn't know where to put this, as it doesn't really belong here or anywhere.

I am so fucking fed up. My wonderful little boy is 2 tomorrow and I'm trying to decorate the flat for him with balloons and banners. There is literally just me and him. There is no one else. I've just texted my sister in law and said seeing as she hasn't even responded to my text I assume she won't be coming to my sons birthday tea tomorrow. She was the only one invited (with my nephews) so there will be just the 2 of us as usual. She cares so little she couldn't even be arsed to text to say she wasn't coming.

My poor son deserves so much, and instead there's just me and him and stupid multi pack of party cups that will do for 10.

I'm so sick of doing everything and having no one. I'm so tired of being alone and letting ds down. I don't know how much more I can take, my son deserves a better life than the one I'm giving him. I just can't do this anymore, and I know I have to, but I can't. It's shit.

OP posts:
Kelpie78 · 22/03/2014 20:09

He has you, and you sound amazing! I'm sorry that you are feeling low. I hope he has a lovely birthday, I'm sure you will make it really special ! Xx

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/03/2014 20:09

It's really shit that your SiL has let you down like that but at 2 your son won't notice. You're the whole world to him and all he needs.

By next year he'll probably have a few nursery friends and you'll have made friends with their mums.

Suzietastic · 22/03/2014 20:11

That does sound shit. I'm sorry you feel so sad. I think you should drop the party idea and take him out for a birthday treat instead. It doesn't have to be expensive, like the park or a picnic?

Fairylea · 22/03/2014 20:12

You sound like a wonderful mum. You really do. Have a huge hug. Your little boy is lucky to have you.

Tomorrow can you go out to the park or to a soft play for a bit? Break up the day and maybe find some other children for him to run about with.

I'm sure his birthday party will still be fun for him being just you and him.

I was a single parent for many years with just my dd. I had some very lovely times and some very lonely times.

What other support networks can you build? Do you work? When dd was little I went back to work part time just to meet some new people and get out of the house.

Things will get better and easier especially as your little one gets older and goes to school etc. Hang in there x

bumbumsmummy · 22/03/2014 20:14

I'm sorry you're not having a huge party but you are not shit

You Love your son that is the greatest gift hold onto that when times get hard

Can you join any play groups that sort of thing make some other mum friends ?

Only1scoop · 22/03/2014 20:15

Op take him out for a little treat the two of you together. He only needs to be with you to have a lovely time. He will adore the balloons and decorations in your flat and enjoy being with his lovely mummy.

BaldricksTurnip · 22/03/2014 20:15

We don't really do birthday parties, just tend to go on a special day out- park or picnic if not much cash, or zoo/sealife centre etc. if feeling a bit like splashing out. It's only now our oldest is 6 that he really enjoys having friends over to play. Don't beat yourself up you sound like a lovely mum.

Awakeagain · 22/03/2014 20:16

You are obviously bothered and trying hard as you've bothered to buy the pack of 10 cups to make it special
Have a lovely time and afterwards take time to put things into perspective and decide what you need too Grin

niceupthedance · 22/03/2014 20:17

That is properly shit, I really feel for you. But I'm sure all the balloons and decorations will be appreciated anyway. As others say, next year you will probably have nursery friends to invite.

I'm a lone parent too and DS's birthday is on Xmas eve, so we have had solo parties up til now (he's 3). Don't let it get you down, you are doing the best you can.

CarryOnDancing · 22/03/2014 20:17

What better birthday gift than a mother who cares so much. Honestly your boy doesn't need anything else.
Maybe going out for a birthday treat is the way to go? Anything that's quality time together as that's all your son will care about.

Have a lovely day together and happy birthday to your boy!

Bowlersarm · 22/03/2014 20:20

You are doing brilliantly. He will have a fantastic day because he's only two, will be spending it with you, and you have decorated the flat with balloons and banners. How exciting for him. He will feel so special.

Walkingwounded · 22/03/2014 20:21

He is 2. He won't notice whether others are there or not. You are all he wants.

This time next year, if he's in nursery or Childcare, he'll have little friends that you can have over. Being a single parent to a very young child is tough. It does get better.

Take your son out, enjoy the day and congratulate yourself on getting this far. You're doing great. Your son is lucky to have such a loving, caring, committed mum.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 22/03/2014 20:21

I would agree with the wise consensus...leave the balloons up now, and have a birthday breakfast - something different from the norm.

Then get out of the house and pack up a little picnic, go and visit a zoo, park etc.

He's a lucky little lad to have you in his life to care so much. In a year or so there will be nursery kids, primary school kids and such to invite and ironically you'll be worrying about keeping the numbers down. See this time as a chance to be selfish and have him all to yourself for a special occasion.

Original poster
sillymillyb · 22/03/2014 20:26

Thank you for your messages. I'm just so overwhelmed and I want so much for my boy, and I just don't seem able to manage it.

I am going to take him to the farm, which I know he will love, I just feel sad that I can't even magic up one card that's not from bloody me. And I know he won't know or care, but I care - I want more for us than this life. I'm so sick of just surviving.

I am not working at the mo as I couldn't afford childcare. I've lost all my friends over time, I have on going issues with my mum. I'm so worn down I can't sustain any relationships at the mo, I'm messing everything up.

OP posts:
Original poster
sillymillyb · 22/03/2014 20:27

Oh bugger I cross posted lots. I feel guilty now for whinging cos I know your right. Ds will love balloons and singing happy birthday. I'm just tired I guess.

OP posts:
BarbaraWoodlouse · 22/03/2014 20:29

Happy Birthday minisillymilly Smile

Sounds like you have a lovely day planned. I agree with previous posters, in time he'll make friends (and so will you I'm sure) but for now a birthday with his Mum is probably the best he would wish for.

yellowutka · 22/03/2014 20:30

Please try not to let it get you down, When ds turned 2, it was just me and him and certainly no party, but I put balloons into our room for him to wake up to, he helped me make his birthday cake, we sang the happy birthday song about a million times, and he was delighted with the whole thing. Like others have said, they really are too little at two to care about parties, and by next year he will have nursery friends etc. I'm sorry you're feeling sad, but your son WILL have a great day because he has YOU to care about him and make him feel special ((big hugs))

yellowutka · 22/03/2014 20:33

oops,cross posted, the farm sounds like a wonderful idea, have a great day!

peppapigmustdie · 22/03/2014 20:33

He will (if he is anything like my dc's at 2) be so excited with the balloons he will not care that it is just you two there. The fact you ate worried proves what a great Mum you are. As another poster said next year he will have nursery friends to invite. I remember taking dd1 aged 2 on a Butlins holiday and sitting in the room after 6pm thinking that I couldn't give her a proper family holiday. A year later she had friends at pre school and I got friendly with some parents.
Cue play dates and birthday invites and fast forward 12 years we are ok. Please don't feel he deserves more, he has more already. More than some children in a supposed ideal family, he has you.

Only1scoop · 22/03/2014 20:34

Op more childcare options will soon come your way I believe after your dc is 2. Maybe returning to work in some capacity will be a positive move for you....dc having some time at nursery would mean little friends for him for next years party perhaps.

You so obviously care so much for your dc. He is very lucky to have you. If Sil misses his birthday that is upsetting for you I understand....he won't even notice.

Enjoy the farm ....sounds lovely

peppapigmustdie · 22/03/2014 20:35

With regard to the cards you could pm me and I would send a belated one.

LaTrucha · 22/03/2014 20:38

I went through very difficult times when my Dcs were very, very little. I found their birthdays particularly difficult and emotionally exhausting because it did remind me of how isolated we were. I think even realising it made me feel a bit better and a bit rational about it in the end.

I hope you manage to make it a nice, happy day for you both, although it takes concerted will power, because at the end of tomorrow it is the only thing htat will really make a difference to you both. You will feel proud to have pulled it off without losing your rag and he will just be in seventh heaven because you are his world AND he got presents and cake.

I di support the idea of getting out of the house, though. And don't stress about presents, if he doesn't like them or they don't work properly. Doesn't matter. You do and he does. Try and get yourself a little treat too. It's the anniversary of you celebrating your little boy coming into the world. You ARE sustaining a relationship at the moment- with him. And it will be as important to him as anything in this life.

Logg1e · 22/03/2014 20:40

This has made me shed a tear. I agree with all those saying you are all he wants and needs.

Thinking longer term, do you go to a "stay and play"?

kerala · 22/03/2014 20:41

He's tiny 2 year olds don't get much out of the company of their peers. Dds second birthday we had just moved to new area and knew no one so went to a petting zoo

NorthernChinchilla · 22/03/2014 20:49

Your DS will definitely have a fantastic time with balloons, cake, the farm and a general big fuss of him from his favourite person.

My Mum was a single parent, and I'm her only child, and I know it was the one thing that upset her, the fact that however much she loved me she wanted other people to do so, and to show it. It feels crap for you, and it is, but I absolutely promise your DS will not notice at 2. Little things like the party cups do tend to emphasise it.

You're obviously a fantastic Mum, so do get a good night's sleep and make sure the both of you enjoy yourselves tomorrow Smile

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