50 shades of idiot: silly tales of the abusive ex (meant lightheartedly but also could be triggering)

[Cakehanded]

Namechanged in case any of this outs me but something I had to do today brought back loads of memories of my abusive exH, some that are very deep 'kind-of healed' wounds but some that seem like silly little things but things that I never got to have a go at him for and never told anyone in RL as I didn't want the pitying looks. I'd still like to be able to talk about them somewhere though and get it out into the virtual open, maybe even have a laugh about it if I can so going to do that here.

Anyone else is more than welcome to chip in with tales of the idiot they've left (or even if you haven't if you want to!), I hope nobody finds me starting the thread too triggering/offensive.

1 - When I left, leaving virtually all of mine and baby ds's worldly goods behind but taking what I thought was a restrained 50% of the cash in our current account (which was not a lot at all) to support us he emailed that he thought I was unreasonable as he didn't understand why I'd 'drained' the account as he couldn't see what I'd need it for. 'Dear' ExH, shall I write you a list? Nappies, food, shelter, bills, any of that ringing any bells? Considering you haven't paid any maintenance for 6 years I assume you're still confused and think ds and I live in a field sustained by the smell of flowers.

2 - He said I had 'strange eyes'. No more explanation mind, that was just listed as one of the things I'd done wrong in our relationship, had 'strange eyes'.

3 - Another thing I'd done wrong was that I was 'obsessed with psychology'. Could almost seem a vaguely rational point until I say we met at uni, when I'd just started a degree - anyone like to guess the subject of the degree?

Feeling better already!

[Tonightstheteriyakichicken]

Have n/c just in case.

Not sure this counts because although met him through friends and thought I got to know him, we had only one date, because I decided very quickly there was something really not right.

Him: I'm a good driver but a fast one. .

Him: I wanted to ask you out for ages but now I have and we're here, stop F*ing looking at other blokes .

Him: You're skinny, but I bet you eat like a horse, so I'm not buying you dinner if that's what you're expecting. .

What a prince! He then stalked me for two years.

Him: Your eyes are really green when you cry, I like them that colour.

[PigletJohn]

when I was gazing lovingly at her, said I had piggy little eyes.

I think it may have made an impact....

[oldgrandmama]

Ha, t he twat I was married for for twenty years (the one that was shagging my 'best friend') had a horrible habit of groping my breasts, and lifting up my skirt to grab me between the legs, often in public. When I loudly protested, he'd say stuff like 'I want everyone to see your great legs'! Even his friends were embarrassed.

He did it once too often, when I was taking out a pan of roasting meat and potatoes from the oven. He lifted my skirt and groped me, and I turned quickly and dropped pan of food and sizzling fat on his feet.

Unfortunately, he was wearing thick shoes, but it still burnt him. Ha ha!

[CaptainHindsight]

Is that where your name came from PigletJohn?

[PigletJohn]

not consciously, but who knows?

[PedantMarina]

If I'd lived to 90 and never so much as looked at another man, in his tiny shit-brain I would have still been that white whore at least in potential (or just not caught out yet).

One fine evening he was going down on Mr (well, at least he did that - not all bad times), then he lifted his head back up and looked at me studiously:

"You smell a little funny down there. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Talk about mood killer.

[PedantMarina]

me! not Mr.

that'd be a whole 'nother story...

[IslaValargeone]

"Your femurs are too long, we need to see about surgery"

"What kind of wife doesn't have anchovies in the house"
There are loads, I shall try and remember.

[IslaValargeone]

OOh remembered another. He didn't speak to me for 2 days as one Saturday I went to work without making the bed.
He was still in it when I left

[Divinity]

I was pregnant with pfb. Ex insisted taking me out in a rowing boat at the lakes. Then once we were in the middle of the lake agreesively insisted that I had to row back so must change seats with him. Then laughed hysterically as the boat wobbled as I stood up.

I got sciatica later in that pregnancy. Walking upstairs was very painful but no problem as we had a downstairs loo. Except he decided the heating was too expensive that bitterly cold winter and turned the loo radiator off so tightly I would struggle to get it back on. This went on all winter as he denied doing it. Twat.

Oh I don't sit down right and I walk upstairs like a herd of elephants. I was a size 10 at the time. He used to make fun of my accent too.

Having a strop whenever I was invited somewhere until I cancelled or making me really late.

I am so pleased to be away from him. What an idiot.

[LlamateurDramatics]

I've really picked some corkers of boyfriends in the past:

• first boyfriend decided that I didn't need to learn to drive but moaned like anything when he had to pick me up to go anywhere. When I started having lessons I didn't tell him, he found out just before I took my test and stalked my lessons for a bit so he could tell me how rubbish I was and how I should just give up. I passed first time; it had taken him four goes. He didn't speak to me for several days after, but then realised that he could make me drive him everywhere. I'd always been made to pay for his petrol, he paid nothing towards mine. Twat.
• same boyfriend didn't think I should go to university as it wasn't what women were 'supposed' to do. We did one subject together for a while which he dropped after I beat him in a few tests (and ignored me for days after again), saying that particular qualification wasn't worth having. I stayed with him for a couple of years for some reason.
• university boyfriend found me terribly embarrassing, from where I came from (too common), to my accent, my dress sense and my habit of not ignoring any male I came into contact with. He hated me going home to my parents as it 'took him ages to make my voice acceptable again'. I eventually gave up drinking and going out as it just wasn't worth the interrogation or the accusations of showing myself up.
• when this boyfriend eventually dumped me after cheating on me he invited me out to meet apparently to give me a few things back. He held everything to ransom while he talked for an hour about my short-comings and how much better OW was in every way especially in bed (he refused sex for the last 18 months of our relationship). He had a few things important to me so I had to sit there and listen.
• oh, and one of my failings was not giving up my degree when he'd asked as what I was studying for wasn't something he wanted a partner of his doing. I was studying to do something I'd always wanted to do which is quite a highly regarded profession but not good enough for him.
• last boyfriend before DH was a cunt too with a superiority complex who treated me like an annoying child most of the time but was too dull to have any stand-out moments!

I'm now married to someone who values me and treats me like an equal, thank goodness!

[RollerCola]

My dd who was 10 had been having problems with her hearing so we took her to the hospital for a hearing test. The test didn't show any hearing loss so in the middle of the hospital waiting room he said to dd 'you must just be ignorant then'

On a night out with some friends I tripped and fell over (I wasn't drunk, I was driving) As I landed flat on my face on the road he just walked off. His friend ran over to check I was ok, he later said it was because he was busy eating his burger.

These were the two defining moments when I knew our marriage was over.

[wherethewildthingis]

Here are mine:

1. Never wanted to work (claimed to be ill). I worked although I was studying too. If I ever expressed a view on what we might spend money on, had a hissy fit, telling me I was being controlling and making him feel less of a man.
   
2. Used to deliberately damage stuff we bought then make me take it back, partly so he could have a brand New one, partly as a kind of test. I used to feel sick with fear going into the shops.
   
3. When I got my first real job after uni, "suggested" I should set up a direct debit to his ex, for maintenance to his child that he had never paid maintenance for. That one was the last one, I left a week later!

[MissFenella]

Low level compared to some on here but here goes:
Said his car was a 1 off german import that had been converted and was worth loads of money (it was a Capri from bristol and I didn't care anyway so the lie was doubly confusing)
Said his hairdresser was trained by Vidal Sassoon - he wasn't
Played dumb about my coffee tasting odd and then I caught him putting sugar in it. When questioned he said he 'wanted to wean me onto sugar'
When I ended it he handed back loads of my possessions that must have been taken from my home that previously he had denied seeing. The clothes he returned were erm, soiled.
Told me his brother raped his sister.
Said his dad owned a speedboat but lost it.
Cheated on me numerous times but stalked me for months when I ended it and told everyone he 'never should have let me go'.

Agreed we would use my credit card for holiday spending money and then refused to pay me back because 'that is too much money'.
Always made us pay 50 50 (when I earned less) then when I earned more money than him he worked out proportionally.
Refused to go on holiday abroad because he was a depressive, managed to go to a pub every day and try new ones out too.
Didn't wear underpants in the morning and smeared skiddies all over the furniture.
Pee'd in bottles and left it around the house.
Hit me in drunken rages and claimed that I had started it (natch).
Pushed me into on coming traffic.
When I asked him to leave he would phone work and say he was burning all my things.
Would sit in the kitchen cutting himself when I came home from work saying 'look what you are making me do'
Never paid for anything but, when I threw him out he had no claim to my lovely home.

[ballsballsballs]

Another ex - this one my XH. An incident that happened after we split.

XH was stalking me, and turned up at my doorstep one Monday in January. He pushed his way in and wouldn't leave. I called the police, and drunkenly yelled at them. They said they'd take him home (to his parents in a village 10 miles away) and drove off.

The next day he called me in a fury. The police had dropped him off in the countryside, about 10 miles from his parents' house. It had taken him hours to get back.

[PedantMarina]

balls, those coppers deserve a nice payrise.

[Gretagumbo]

When I was pregnant - 'my brother is off shagging s.j. and I'm stuck here with you.

'I don't want to touch it (bump), I've seen one before.'

Disappears when I go into labour, have to drag him to hospital

'You love him more than me' about our ds

'Eurrgh your tit is leaking everywhere'

'You wanted him you deal with it' when I'd got to the 10wk wall and just needed some help.

Him and brother grinding weed in house, found some on floor when ds crawling. This happened a couple of times despite stern words.

He was 32 at this point we'd lived together for 12 yrs

O god seriously for the women fretting whether to stay or go, read this thread, feel our relief and just walk!

It's true the money can be a struggle at times but the wonderful sweet freedom from resentment!

[ballsballsballs]

Pedant I am forever grateful for what they did. He was going to sue them and wanted me to back him up.

[PedantMarina]

WTAF?!? Ohman, that just tops it.

[CurtWild]

Turned the boiler off when I ran a bath so no hot water. Denied it. When I pointed out it was turned to heating only he said I must have done it myself to frame him. Knob.

Took the virgin card from the box when he went out once, so I couldn't use the tv. Denied it and even blamed DC. It turned up in the pocket of the jeans he'd gone out in. He said I must have planted it there. Knob.

Swore blind he hadn't taken our wedding certificate even though I'd seen him take it out of my bag and stuff it on his backpack. Told me to check his bag and there it was..and yes, he accused me of putting it there to frame him. Knob.

And yes, me and DC are well rid. Like a previous poster said, anyone dithering over leaving, read this thread and it's document of how much happier we are without these arsewipes.

[FanFuckingTastic]

That's some proper gaslighting there CurtWild, blatant lying and turning it around on you.

[CurtWild]

Those are just a few of stbxh's outstanding gaslighting moments..there were many and varied.

[ballsballsballs]

Like a previous poster said, anyone dithering over leaving, read this thread and it's document of how much happier we are without these arsewipes.

Oh yes indeed.

[InspirationFailed]

According to him I

Walk funny - I 'bumble'

I don't wear heels all the time - there is nothing he finds more unattractive than women in flat shoes

I get on and off the bed the wrong way, I am to loud going up and down the stairs, I sit down to heavily on the sofa.

I don't speak clearly or properly - meaning he has to continuously shout 'what' at me before telling me to 'shut the fuck up' and storming off. I talk over him, I sometimes have a differing opinion to him - this is being on my high horse, talking bollocks and talking shit.

I don't listen - meaning it's always my fault when he's forgotten something or changed plans, or if he has to repeat himself because I didn't hear i get. 'Fucking forget it' and he stomps off.

I can't cook, my food is awful and he can't stomach it, he banned me from cooking, insisted on cooking himself then made sure everyone knew that he had to cook his own dinner because I was lazy.

I am lazy and do nothing all day. Being at home with a 1 year old and a newborn, doing every night feed, every nappy and basically everything for all 4 of my children isn't enough as the living room might be a mess. Which gives him the right to call me a lazy c*nt, ask exactly what I've done all day and rant about how child benefit is my wage and I'm not doing my job properly.

I have funny shaped squinty eyes
I have awful hair
I don't dress the way he would like
I have a smelly vagina, it's to hairy and disgusting.
I don't have sex with him often enough
I was still breastfeeding my baby at 11 months so I must have been doing it for sexual kicks.
I feed my kids shit all day

I'm to fat. I eat to much.

This coming from an overweight balding alcoholic who used to wet the bed/sofa/floor every night.

Tip of the iceberg from him. I could go on and on.

[GreenMouse]

Greta, I hope you're not still with him!