50 shades of idiot: silly tales of the abusive ex (meant lightheartedly but also could be triggering)

[Cakehanded]

Namechanged in case any of this outs me but something I had to do today brought back loads of memories of my abusive exH, some that are very deep 'kind-of healed' wounds but some that seem like silly little things but things that I never got to have a go at him for and never told anyone in RL as I didn't want the pitying looks. I'd still like to be able to talk about them somewhere though and get it out into the virtual open, maybe even have a laugh about it if I can so going to do that here.

Anyone else is more than welcome to chip in with tales of the idiot they've left (or even if you haven't if you want to!), I hope nobody finds me starting the thread too triggering/offensive.

1 - When I left, leaving virtually all of mine and baby ds's worldly goods behind but taking what I thought was a restrained 50% of the cash in our current account (which was not a lot at all) to support us he emailed that he thought I was unreasonable as he didn't understand why I'd 'drained' the account as he couldn't see what I'd need it for. 'Dear' ExH, shall I write you a list? Nappies, food, shelter, bills, any of that ringing any bells? Considering you haven't paid any maintenance for 6 years I assume you're still confused and think ds and I live in a field sustained by the smell of flowers.

2 - He said I had 'strange eyes'. No more explanation mind, that was just listed as one of the things I'd done wrong in our relationship, had 'strange eyes'.

3 - Another thing I'd done wrong was that I was 'obsessed with psychology'. Could almost seem a vaguely rational point until I say we met at uni, when I'd just started a degree - anyone like to guess the subject of the degree?

Feeling better already!

[pearlongreen]

arowhens yy good post, that rings a bell with the self-consciousness, and the "act natural" thing...

The whole staring at my face and (perfectly natural, content) expressions/movements and going "You're acting like this! Why is your face like that? What is your expression saying? Why are you walking like that?"

As if they're trying to crawl inside your skin and live there

Now that I'm older, I realise staring at other people and loudly making comments on them is generally the thing done by ugly weirdos with no boundaries.

[PurplePunkPrincess]

My ex told me (on our anniversary) that being with Pippa Middleton in his dreams is still better than being with me.

We was at the airport, in one of those little shuttle buses filled with people while I tried not to cry. Looking back, I no longer care, he was probably gay

[Littletigers]

pearlongreen odd, I used to get 'you're such an actress, you're such a player' I am neither!!! Talk about projection!
It's as if they have to learn what's normal!

[pearlongreen]

littletigers Yup, it's horrid! Sort of being stared at, whilst they "analyse" you like some creepy armchair psychologist.

Like he was trying to imply I was "showing off" or "flaunting myself" or "trying to be someone I wasn't". And this linked to me just being well-presented, or polite, or normally friendly, or wearing a nice dress.

It was like walking out with a Daily Fail article! Projection, as you say - THEY have no sense of self so they imply everyone around them is the same.

[OnlyMakingMeStronger]

Apparently it was my fault we had silver fish. He would have to spend all evening killing them and I was encouraging them to breed - by not cleaning under the Neath the floor boards. I swept the floors EVERY evening and mopped 3/4 time a week but still my fault we had bugs that every other house has...

He would sleep in the morning til 8 and then get up and kick off that I was 'making him late for work'.... His work was a 45 minute tube journey away and he was supposed to start at 8.30 but somehow it was always my fault.

He didn't have many friends and didn't use social media and would continually tell me that anyone who does is 'stupid' and if I stopped using it then I would be 'cleverer' - incidentally he did not see the irony that cleverer is not a real word.

If I started doing any housework after dinner and dc in bed he would say 'relax, you are doing too much' or 'sit down and be with me'. Then about 10 mins later get up and do the thing I had started and say he had to cos someone had to....

Forced me into a position of giving up my job then refused any responsability for the situation and refused to support me financially. I was given food money and half the bills and had my child benefit. Got into considerable debt with utilities and rent. But he said I would have to get a new job - not easy when your pregnant!! No one wants to hire you!

Continually promised to get me a wedding ring but it never materialised.

Would always complain about my holiday ideas and insist we do his (always much more expensive) but then when it came to booking his he would moan about how expensive it was and we wouldn't book it!

Any idea I had he always found fault with.

I don't cook enough. (I cooked every evening but would sometimes cook extra to reheat or freeze - this was lazy)

I called the police after he pushed me while pregnant and broke stuff in our flat. He called my mum to 'tell her what I had done' ie I had called the police therefore I was in the wrong.....

Hundreds more. Was with him 3 years. Had one dd, and am due in September with DS.
Life is easier. Painful as the nice side of him I am still very much in love with and we are still working out the children arrangements etc. But it is better. Was the instant I left him. Money is hard and I'm terrified of having a 2yr old and a newborn but that will be a doddle compared to being with him.

[DesertDweller]

Oh god! I let my mental ex cheat on me repeatedly for years but kept taking him back. I was very young and silly. The last time was after he told me, in tears, after we had had sex, that he was getting married! I think by this point I was properly over him. He got married a while later, and in a misplaced spirit of 'staying friends' I went to visit him in his new flat with a small housewarming gift. (Yes I realise now said gift should have been a turd through the letterbox). His new wife wasn't home. He practically dry humped my leg. In fact, he did at one point, begging me to sleep with him. I think I actually laughed out loud. What a dick!! It's true that when you meet the right person, you just can't believe you ever had such low standards before. My husband now is absolutely lovely. If the person you are with makes you feel shit or insecure, they're not right for you AT ALL. EVER!